Health, Wellbeing & Joy don't go together with Shame & Judgment

No matter how much you try to convince me that you are doing great, that you are healthy, you are doing everything right, but if you still find time and room to judge and shame yourself and others of eating habits, food choices and lifestyle choices, you have the opportunity to grow and learn that shame and judgment will NEVER make your life or life of others healthier and happier.

Health, wellbeing, joy and happiness don't go together with shame and judgment.

Why? Because it makes you feel less capable, less in control, it puts the pressure to keep doing things right and never allow a room for mistake to learn from.

You create high unrealistic expectations, you remove any sense of joy if you eat that chocolate or a cake when you were not hungry and you become highly sensitive on staying on track and when you are not, you call yourself a failure.

Where is the bottom line or the root of shame and judgment?

• You have heard it before.

You have heard it from your parents, caregivers or friends in school. Notice the way you talk to yourself in your own head, can you recall who used to speak to you the same way? Or if you could hear someone arguing when you were around?

How does this impact your food choices?

You are holding so tightly the idea to do everything right, but is that even possible? Which means you are setting yourself for a failure and to give yourself a reason to feel bad about something. If you just learn how to have a flexible approach to allow yourself to make mistakes, you will become so much more happier and learning about compassionate approach to nutrition, you will understand what drives your food choices and you will be more at peace with it.

• False belief that shaming and judgment will make you do things right or better the next time

You create an illusion that putting so much pressure on yourself WILL create the results you NEED and WANT, but it will always backfire and you will always feel you are chasing your own tail. Because in reality you never feel good about yourself as there is always something to feel bad about.

How does this impact your food choices?

"Don't eat that cake!" > You eat the cake. > Voice in your head "why did you do that??? You were not even hungry?" > Sense of failure. Head down. Sat on the sofa. Grab another cake, just because you already ate one, there is no point of holding yourself back now, when you ruined your day already.

This behaviour is learned and it can be unlearned with patience, compassion and love.

• Deeply ingrained belief that you are not good enough or not worthy to be happy (BLIND SPOT - something you often can't see).

You have the idea what you should be, what you should look like and behave like to feel good enough. So if your eating habits can help you to feel good enough and you constantly mess things up, you will always have a feeling that you are not doing good enough joy to feel good enough, because underneath all this noisy you simply never felt good enough.

If you don't feel worthy to be happy, you will do everything to prove yourself that you are right about what you believe about yourself - that you are not worthy.

How does this impact your food choices?

You might have an inclination to become healthier, to feel or look better, so you will search for solutions - gym memberships, PT sessions, diet programs and you will have the best intention to get yourself on journey to feel better and to become healthier, but then self sabotage will kick in. You will start eating more than usual, or you will avoid to cook a meal that you planned your shopping for and instead you will order take away, you will suddenly do great during the week and mess up at the weekend, or doing great during the day and when evening comes, things will escalate and you would go to bed feeling so ashamed and bad about you and this whole process etc.

How to make peace with shame and judgment?

To sit with it.

Allow it.

Observe it.

Feel it.

Let it be welcomed emotion.

It is coming here to tell you something. An important message you get to hear.

When shame and judgment come to you, that can be a message that you are doing something that is against your values, maybe that you got tired and need reassurance that you are going to be ok, maybe that can be that you need to take a break and to take care of yourself, maybe it's a sign you neglected what matters to you, maybe your heart is missing something and your habitual brain likes to put more pressure on yourself, so that you can pick yourself up and get on with it...

But putting an enormous pressure or talking bad to yourself will NEVER give you sense of fulfilment or joy and that is why I am so passionate to tell you to work on this...

Because it brings you inner peace, self acceptance, compassion and joy...

And from that place, your food choices that you are after become much easier to do and if you do eat something that before you would see yourself as a failure, you find compassion and understanding of why that served purpose in that moment in time.

Are you interested to transform your thinking and feeling about food?

I am running a brand new program "Transform Your Mind, Body, Nutrition" starting the 31st October! This program will shift your way of thinking about yourself, food, exercise and your attitude towards your whole life!

It will be truly life changing!

This program will be limited to 5 people and I have got last 3 spaces left!

To find out more information, just book a call here.

If you wish to become part of my community, you can join my FREE Facebook group here.

I wonder what was your biggest take away from this newsletter? Let me know in the comments below.

Have a wonderful Sunday!

Adrijana