The Hidden Secret to Powerful Communication

Communication. It’s one of the most important facets of being human. In many ways, it’s the great key to everything we do, think and feel. So, would you like to become an effective communicator? And what do you think the secret to understanding other people might be? How can we know what people are truly thinking or feeling? How can we be sure that we know what people really need? Is it really possible to break through the fog of confusion and discover the bright pathway of clarity that reveals what’s really in people’s hearts and minds?

The answer might just surprise you.

In commercial terms, our ability to understand and provide for people’s needs is the best basis for any successful business or enterprise. These are the strongest foundations for commercial success as well as for really good relationships. So, would you like to learn how to become a really effective communicator?

Most people do not listen with the intent to understand;

they listen with the intent to reply.

― Stephen R. Covey

The fact is that we live in a world that has become increasingly insular, isolated and largely superficial. We’re no longer connected to people in the way that we used to be. The electronic tools that were designed to make our communication faster, easier and more direct, have become the abbreviated shorthand that we use instead of talking with one another.

This might come as a shock to you but – E-Mails and Emojis don’t listen!

And that, in its essence, is the problem. We’ve lost the art of listening.

When people talk, our minds push forward our own thoughts and views and our personal stories to relate - and then we don’t really hear what people are saying. We’re so busy getting ready to offer our own comments and judgements that we miss out on most of the other side of the conversation. We don’t pay attention to the other person’s choice of words, to their intonations, inflections, pauses and emphases. Most of the content goes straight over our heads. And that’s how we miss the real meaning of what the other person is trying to communicate. Because we aren’t listening. We’re not paying attention. We’re locked inside our own little world and suffer from a strange form of amnesia – because we've forgottten how to really listen.

And listening isn’t a science. It’s an art! And it’s an incredibly powerful art.

This is the problem with dealing with someone who is actually a good listener. They don’t jump in on your sentences, saving you from actually finishing them, or talk over you, allowing what you do manage to get out to be lost or altered in transit.Instead, they wait, so you have to keep going.

― Sarah Dessen

The power of effective communication is not to be found in the words of a great speaker. It resides in the calm and patience of an attentive listener.

Since we’ve determined that effective listening is an art, then it’s something that we all need to practise every day, in order to derive maximum benefit from its amazing potential.

The effects have to be seen to be believed. There is something quite extraordinary to be in the presence of someone who actually listens because it’s become an incredibly rare phenomenon. Yet, we seem to have grown accustomed to this bizarre breakdown in meaningful communication. Yet, when we consider the vast array of advantages that flow from something as simple as effective listening, it’s clear that this is the perfect moment to correct this behavioural anomaly. 

We need to learn to listen. The answer is to slow down and start to pay attention. Hear what the other person is saying. Aim above everything else to understand what’s being said. Not to frame a reply or add your own interpretation. Just to understand what’s being said. Tune into the choice of language. Pick up on the intonations. Listen for the pauses and be very, very quiet. Just nod and – listen.

The effect can be quite astonishing. You suddenly realise that there may be a completely unexpected message within the communication, a message that suddenly becomes blindingly obvious – simply because you’ve listened.

Sometimes all a person wants is an empathetic ear. All they need is to talk it out. Just offering a listening ear and an understanding heart for their suffering can be a big comfort.

― Roy T. Bennett

There are deeper implications to this insight into the benefits of effective communication. It’s a sad fact, for example, that many relationships founder on the rocks of inattention and indifference. We lapse into a comfortable cocoon of convenient assumptions – and that’s when we stop listening. This unfortunate absence of communication can prove corrosive to any relationship. It’s the beginning of a distinct feeling that we are no longer understood – because the other person no longer hears what we say. But we can easily avoid this situation by applying exactly the same principles that we’ve just described. And it’s incredibly important to listen to the people we think we know the best because this is precisely where miscommunication most easily takes root.

We have two ears and one mouth, so we should listen more than we speak.

― Zeno of Citium

So, if you really aspire to be a truly amazing communicator, don’t worry too much about becoming a great orator. Turn your attention towards becoming a truly inspirational listener – and the world will turn to you to share its secrets, its insights and its confidences. And that is where real power resides.

Are you ready right now for a completely fresh approach to life’s great adventure? Get in touch with us today for a free session to discover how the growing global movement for personal growth, success, change and empowerment can enhance your life!

Greg Parry created The Wellness Foundation and the Cognitive Empowerment Programs specifically to help people master their stress, overcome their limitations and explore the power of their true potential.

If you enjoy these blogs, you can imagine how much fun it is to have Greg in the room as an inspirational and highly perceptive speaker. If you’d like to invite Greg to talk to your company or organisation or event, feel free to get in touch.

You can contact Greg at:

greg.parry@thewellnessfoundation.eu