How to Calm Your Team When the World is on Fire (or Underwater)

Halfway through November, BC was rocked by a heavy winter rainstorm. The floods and mudslides broke our highways and cut us off from the rest of the country. 

On the Monday when things were at their worst, I was getting ready to facilitate a group of leaders through Dare to Lead™. I had watched the news that morning, and the coverage had stirred up so many fears and feelings within me. 

A feeling of despair was so present in my heart all through that morning. It was absolutely affecting my ability to facilitate that afternoon. We had a busy agenda and I had a lot of content to share. 

But there was a lot of emotional energy going on.

As we arrived in the space, I made a last-minute decision to change my plan. I created ten minutes right off the top to attend to fears and feelings within the group, and to acknowledge the fear and feelings that I was having as their leader that afternoon.

I shared how I was arriving, and that this sense of despair was feeling heavy. I wanted to acknowledge that and be witnessed in that by the group, and be vulnerable by sharing how I was feeling in that moment.

Then we took a few moments for each of them to connect in conversation around how they were feeling. 

When we came back together, I asked the group, What are you noticing now? 

Two themes really stood out to me.

One was people saying, Now that I've named it, it's easier for me to let it go. 

FYI, this is one of the counterintuitive things about how emotions work. When you can a) identify and b) acknowledge the emotion you’re feeling, it dissipates much faster than if you try to ignore it or shove it down.

The other thing people said was, Wow, I don't feel alone with these heavy feelings anymore.

By being brave and vulnerable and speaking our emotions, we recognized we weren't alone. And that was comforting. To know we were in this in community, and that we didn't have to bear these feelings all by ourselves. 

This is what is possible when we are brave enough to create the space for emotions to be named and seen. We feel less alone, we're able to release them, and then we can get down to doing the work we need to do.

If we don’t slow down enough to acknowledge the emotions in the room, they're going to get in the way of everyone’s behaviour. 

If I had welcomed that group and tried to be all business-as-usual without acknowledging what was going on in my part of the world, I would have been distracted all afternoon. I wouldn't have been present to my group, or to the teaching I had to do that day. 

And if I, as that group’s leader, hadn’t been present enough to get curious about their feelings, the value of people’s time in that Dare to Lead session could well have been diminished by unfocused mind chatter and catastrophizing.

So I encourage you to create some space, be vulnerable, share your own feelings out loud with your team, and show them that they're not alone.

This is what inspired leaders do. 

And guess what that does for your team? It builds trust. 

So print that quote off and stick it on your wall. Practicing this is a big step forward on your journey of personal transformation as a leader. As we arrive in 2022 and an ongoing pandemic, we will be faced with many fears and feelings in the weeks and months ahead. You don’t have to navigate that alone. 

This is my invitation for you to dive deeper. If you want to be in community with other leaders who are transforming the way they lead, I hope you'll join us for the Inspired Leadership Signature Program – registration for the winter cohort closes on January 17th – don’t miss your chance to change the way you lead in 2022!

P.S. What’s the one emotion that you usually try to ignore or push away? Name it and release it! 

P.P.S. Pro tip: Brené Brown's new book, Atlas of the Heart, is all about understanding how emotions drive our behaviour.