How do we develop Anxiety?

Even when we grow up, the little child inside us is never gone. It demands attention from us. It wants to get everything desired and is willing to do anything for it. This haughty little child works on the pleasure principle and cares least about other things like logic or morality. Freud calls this part of us, Id. However, as evolved people, we tend to keep this little guy in check by putting a morality check on it or by throwing a logical explanation. The part of us that talks logic is called ego and the part that diligently follows the moral codes developed in our conscience is called Superego.

Our Id part can be better understood when you think of a little child who only has one desire and that is to satisfy its physiological and other needs or desires. The superego may sound like a great thing at this point as it keeps the id in check and us on the right path but it may not always be so simple. Think of a parent who’s superego demands him to follow traditions so strictly that he is even willing to kill his own children if they broke the moral codes by marrying inter-caste or following a professional path not accepted in the society. Both states of ego have psychic energy that plays out in our body and depending upon where the energy is greater, we feel the part dominating our personality. Superego can be dangerous and ego can be notorious. So, the adult inside us, who is logical and rational, steps in to create a balance between them.

Anxiety is felt when the ego is unable to create a perfect balance between ego and superego. Inside our head, we start having conflicts and are in the state of stress. In a state of anxiety, we want to act upon our instincts or conscience. Anxiety can be because of real danger like in case of a thief breaking into a house, putting you in physical danger, would cause tension. When we feel that the instincts desired by our id inside are growing strong, we fear that it would go so overboard that it will make us do things that would be punished. For instance, you are getting so angry at someone that you want to kill the person. Imagine if the ego is unable to control your urge at this point, what would you do?

The moral anxiety emerges when you are faced with a situation where you need to act against your moral codes. You feel the pressure to not do it and yet the situation demands the opposite from you. Imagine you have a kid studying for a board exam. He looks very tense and wants to pass with good grades. He tells you that if he failed or got poor marks, he would not be able to stand. You suddenly found out that someone has leaked the paper and you have got a copy accidentally. Your moral code would ask you to not disclose the paper to your kid or perhaps get the information about the leak out or even get the culprits behind bars. However, against these options, stand an opportunity where you can use the leaked paper to help your child study and ensure that he scored well. You will be faced with moral anxiety in such a situation. Your decision would depend on the distribution of psychic energy which, if is more with your superego, you would not cheat. However, if you find yourself bending towards your id because you want your child to be happy at any cost, you may take the paper to your kid and support his preparation.

What happens when we don’t know what we should do? When the choices are too hard or conflicting. When you are too messed up in your head that your ego begins to surrender. Beyond a certain level of anxiety, your body cannot take it easy and activates a defense mechanism. Without a conscious choice, you may automatically start to use one of them to help yourself cope with the stress caused. For example, if you are stressed because one of your family is suffering from a chronic disease which is rare and you are unable to keep the ego states in control, you may start denying the truth. Denial is one ego-defense mechanism which helps you reduce anxiety but it almost never helps the real situation. In another situation, you have a break up with your spouse and you are so upset that don’t know how to cope. Instead of taking a mature step to accept the situation and show strength, you will try to displace your feeling by indulging emotions with someone or something else. You will take your anxiety to the office or to friends and would begin shouting and fighting with them, something you want to do with your spouse but cannot, so you start doing it with others.

These defense mechanisms are automatic and so strong that we don’t even realize that we are acting immature or irrationally. If you are facing major issues with your behavior, take a deep breath and a look into the situations you are in. Are they causing anxiety? Are you working in an automatic mode where you are using some defense mechanism to cope without your awareness? If only we could develop this awareness, we would realize that our actions may not be constructive and then, we can activate our ego to regain the balance inside our head to keep a check on our id and superego.