How Emotions Are Made

Emotions are made; they don’t rise up from deep inside us but instead they are made through our default mode network that predicts how we can, and should, experience certain situations, events and relationships.

Emotions aren’t “pre-programmed” in our brains and bodies, rather they are psychological experiences that each of us constructs based on our unique personal history, physiology and environment.

 Because emotions are made, we can create our own meaning; we can observe an emotion before we act; and we can ensure our emotions “fit the facts.”  Many emotions and actions are set off by our thoughts or interpretation of the events – not the event itself.  Our emotions can also have a big effect on our thoughts about events and examining our thoughts & checking the facts can help us change the emotion.

 Unfortunately, most people believe that emotions reside deep within us and therefore we don’t have much control over them – particularly when we feel intense emotions. Recent neuroscience tells us that this is flawed thinking – and flawed science.

" In other words, your brain constructs your experience of emotions and it’s your brain’s job to construct the most useful emotions for any given situation."

What you can do:

One of the best things you can do for your emotions is to manage your “body budget” because the greater the resources available, the more likely you’ll be able to take care of your own wellbeing.  But if your body’s budget gets stretched due to lack of sleep, too much stress, too much alcohol or poor diet, you’ll have much greater difficulty regulating your emotions.  It also helps to develop your language skills when it comes to emotions.  It not only has personal benefits but benefits you when engaging with friends and colleagues.

A)    How to sleep Like a champion – the top 5 tips

1.     Have a consistent routine – when you go to bed and when you wake.

2.     Have a shower/bath before bed – approximately 1 hour before bed-time for maximum benefit.

3.     Implement a “wind-down” routine which includes avoiding all screens at least 30 minutes before bed-time.  Replace your screen time with relaxing activities like meditation, listening to music or reading a book.

4.     Limit your alcohol intake (on a daily basis) because it interrupts your natural sleep cycle

5.     Ensure your bedroom is cool, dark & quiet.

B)    Get a physical check-up & start moving

1.     Go to your doctor and have your overall health, heart rate, blood pressure and blood profile checked so you’re approved to undertake a life-ready health & fitness regime.

2.     Once you’ve got your tick of approval from your doctor, get a baseline on your current fitness level with a qualified exercise physiologist and develop a realistic fitness regime that fits your daily schedule.  Remember – movement and frequency are more important than intensity. Start where you are, not where you think you should be.

3.     Set some clear goals with your fitness regime that you’ll be able to achieve over the next 3 months such as losing 10 pounds; being able to exercise for 20 minutes non-stop; being able to make a 20% improvement in strength.

C)    Improve your diet

1.     Eat real food - that you (or someone else) prepares.  It might take a little more time, but your body (and emotions) will thank you.

2.     Eat more fruit and more green vegetables.

3.     Drink more water – during the day.

D)    Reduce your alcohol intake

1.     Think back over the last week; count how many drinks you had (honestly).

2.     Divide that number of drinks by two.

3.     Work out how many standard drinks per day you would allow yourself if you drank only the number of drinks you calculated in step 2 above.

4.     Commit to this new regime for a minimum of 4 weeks and assess the impact it has had on your sleep, your weight, your mood and your ability to regulate your emotions.

E)     Improve your emotional vocabulary

1.     Read out of your comfort zone.  Read more widely; read about philosophy, psychology, sociology and relationships and include fiction to expand your emotional granularity and range.

2.     Watch movies and TV series from a variety of genres and pay attention to the emotions expressed by the characters

3.     Take trips in nature and try unfamiliar (healthy) foods and describe to yourself the sensations that you experience

4.     Learn as many new words as possible because the greater your overall vocabulary the easier it becomes to describe emotions with greater accuracy and granularity

 Why this works:

You might have been surprised that four of the five areas recommended to improve your emotional regulation – sleep, physical movement, diet and alcohol reduction - all relate to your body.  The reason we focus on the body is because the brain regulates your body’s budget through your senses, and the better you take care of your body, the more capacity your brain has to help you take care of your emotions.

Sleep in particularly plays a key role in helping you better regulate your emotions because when you get good quality sleep, you also get a “neurological bath” that lessens the emotion attached to an event and emphasises the facts associated with the event.

Your body’s budget – a bit like your financial budget – is easier to maintain when you have a solid foundation.