How to Overcome Financial Anxiety and Stop Overanalyzing Your Spending

We’ve all been there... obsessively calculating what’s coming in, what’s going out, and second-guessing every purchase. I call this “mental money math” and it turns everyday decisions into stress-filled calculations. Should I buy the $4 peanut butter or the $12 almond butter? Can I afford that Uber ride to a social event that I won’t even enjoy?

There was a time when I didn’t worry about money. I’d just say “yes” to things without a second thought. But that landed me in serious debt - I had to choose between eating and paying rent. It forced me to get better at managing my finances (go me!). But now, as an entrepreneur, my relationship with money has shifted. What started as healthy awareness can quickly turn into hyper-vigilance.

Yes, we need to be mindful of our financial investments. My 20-something-self learned that lesson the hard way. But does it really need to make our brains and stomachs do backflips?

Why You're Doing Mental Math

Here’s what’s really happening. Money equates to safety and security. When we don’t have enough, we feel unsafe. Our amygdala starts firing those fight, flight, freeze, appease reactions. We look for ways to make more money (fight) or save more money (flight). We spend our time doing mental math that can stop us from doing anything (freeze). Or look to direct our funds in a way that will make the people we care about the most happy (appease).

But what exactly is enough? We find ourselves chasing more and more and more without ever feeling satisfied or successful.

Take a moment and ask yourself these questions:

• What exactly is enough money? Do you have that number in mind?
• What do you think about yourself when you have more or less than enough?
• Are you equating your worth and value to your finances? If so, how?

What Money Really Tells Us

We often choose to invest in areas that don’t truly serve us. Then, when it comes time to invest in ourselves, we hesitate. We tell ourselves that the money is better spent elsewhere. We create new rules for what is “expensive and inexpensive” based on the situation. This cycle feeds the negative noise. It’s a new way to beat ourselves up.

A few months ago, I was ready to buy a Nespresso machine for myself. I had been wanting one for YEARS. I read the reviews, compared the specs, got opinions from friends, and then convinced myself I shouldn’t get it. Until one of my friends said, “I was really hoping you would do something for yourself.” Then I realized that my negative noise was winning.

After some self-reflection, I chose to own my worth. It might seem small, but that’s the point. This kind of noise impacts us on big things and small things. So to remind myself of this important choice, I wrote myself a gift note. I wanted to remember that I deserve to want things that are just for me. It’s not selfish or guilty pleasures or splurges. It’s simply investing in me because I’m worthy of it. And with true joy, I have savored every single sip of coffee and espresso since. What are you saying no to that you deserve?

"When we obsess over money, we stop dreaming." - Jackie Roby

Steps to Stop the Mental Math

Here are some ways to stop the mental math, create safety for your brain that is freaking out, and support making choices that serve you.

Step 1: It’s time to buy something for you! It doesn’t matter how much it costs. Notice your process. You don’t have to change anything at this point. Just pay attention to (and write down for extra credit):

• What you do
• How you're feeling emotionally
• What you're thinking about
• Whether you buy or not

Step 2: Create a list of what you’re worthy of.

• For example: Are you worthy of feeling happy? Are you worthy of breathing fresh air? Are you worthy of being treated with respect in your home?
• Note: If this is difficult, it’s normal. Take three deep breaths.

Step 3: Think about talking to a friend going through this same struggle.

• What advice would you give them about investing in themselves?
• How would you help them see their worth?

Step 4: If you know your Human Design, follow your Authority. If you don’t and are curious, learn more here. (If it's not your thing, no big deal. This step is about connecting to your intuition.)

Step 5: Reflect on how you feel after taking these actions.

• Are you able to breathe deeper?
• Has your stomach settled?
• Does the decision feel less “life or death”?
• Has the purchase started to feel fun? Or have ease around it?

Message me and tell me what you experienced. You’re not alone in this.

Don't Stop Believing

Money is a huge part of how we navigate our lives – especially in the States. It impacts the career path we choose, the people we spend time with, our romantic relationships, where we live, and what we do when we’re not working. We somehow allow this non-breathing thing to define us, giving it immense power over how we see ourselves, others, and circumstances.

When we obsess over money, we stop dreaming. Saying “money stops us” is giving power to something inanimate. It’s also making money the enemy, which doesn’t make any sense. The real problem is we close our minds to possibilities and allow the negative noise to own us. But we have a choice to quiet that nonsense. What would it feel like to let go of the “yeah but” and explore the big, fabulous, wild dreams?

That’s what I find interesting. It’s what I’m all about. I help women of color and allies to make this life the one they want. (Here’s a secret – you don’t have to blow up your current life to do that.) If this resonates with you, send me a message and let me know. Or listen to this podcast episode for more inspiration.

Remember that nothing changes if nothing changes. You always have a choice. The question is whether the one you’re making is serving you.