How to reach out to someone you admire

With email and social media, it’s possible to reach out to just about anyone. If you read a thought-provoking article, you can reach out to the author and give your feedback. If you see someone make great points in an interview, you can send them a note elaborating on something they said. The world becomes more of a conversation.

Of course, the flip side of this is that well-known people can be deluged by communication from people they don’t know at all. So if you would like to connect with someone you admire, how can you make yourself stand out?

My friend Dorie Clark, author of a book called just that (Stand Out) wrote a piece for Harvard Business Review a few years ago in which she offered suggestions.

First, she suggests, establish your credibility. “When you send a networking request, it’s important to immediately set yourself apart as someone worth knowing,” Clark writes. “For instance, when I recently wrote to a prominent film director, I started the note by citing our shared alumni affiliation and — because I wanted to inquire about adapting one of his films into a musical — mentioning the prominent shows that had been created by graduates of the musical theater workshop I’m in.” If you make it clear that you are credible, and not just some random guy interested in famous people, you’re far more likely to get your note read and responded to.

Second, offer value. Clark notes that your idol will likely view all queries skeptically. So you need to demonstrate how you can help. Clark writes that right before she was scheduled to speak in Denmark, she got a note from someone who lived in Copenhagen. This person didn’t just ask to meet for coffee in order to pick her brain. Instead, she mentioned that she was a fashion designer and stylist, and that Copenhagen had all sorts of wonderful shops. She offered to take Clark on a personal shopping tour. As Clark notes, “we ended up spending more than half a day together and we’re still in touch.”

Third, Clark suggests that you highlight what makes you interesting, even if it’s not directly relevant to your idol’s career. Why? “Successful people like connecting with other interesting people because it feels like fun, not work,” she writes. “And yet so often they’re approached by people taking the role of supplicants, who only want to ask questions and glean wisdom. It’s flattering at first, but with enough volume, it can become exhausting. So one secret is to position yourself as a peer who is notable in your own right.” If you’ve done something really cool like serving in the military as a fighter pilot, or visiting 100 countries, or have a sideline writing music, these little details could make you stand out.

Of course, you’re not guaranteed a response, and so Clark writes that the last strategy is to make it clear that you have no expectations. “Even if your ‘pitch’ is well crafted, your idols might be in a busy period and simply don’t have time to connect. You get extra points, then, for empathizing with this situation and addressing it up front.” She notes that too many people reach out with an extraordinary level of entitlement, asking for free things, a significant introduction, or a lot of time. When you “show an awareness of your hero’s circumstances, explaining that you don’t want to take up too much time in their schedule, you set yourself apart in a positive way.” You’re more likely to get a response — and possibly a real connection.

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