How self-confidence can become your Superpower

“Self-praise is no praise,” began my friend as he was preparing to share an achievement with me the other day.

“Wait a minute,” I stopped him. “What did you just say? Stop with that disclaimer. Where did you get that?”

“Oh, I’ve heard it since I was a little kid. It’s just one of those things everybody says,” came his response.

Hmmmm. I wonder. It’s not a phrase I have ever encountered. Is this a cultural thing? That whole, “We don’t put ourselves above our station” thing. Or whatever the line is. I don’t know. But I want to explore this with you today. I know you might be inclined to simply consider that independent clause my friend uttered to be a blip in a larger conversation, but I think there is a greater issue at hand. For instance, the way we are conditioned as youngsters to think about how we express ourselves or our accomplishments impacts the way we see ourselves and communicate about ourselves as adults.

So, for today, as we’ve spent a week celebrating emerging from lockdown with shops reopening and companies holding all-hands meetings to talk about employees returning to offices, I want us to celebrate our greatness.

You heard me. I’m not holding back. I am lifting you up. Way above your station (again, whatever that even means). You are coming through the other side of a damn global pandemic. You have earned your Zoom stripes, your resilience badges, your medals of perseverance. It’s time to shed any teachings that may have taught you to hide your strengths under a bushel.

The father of American psychology, William James, observed: 

“Most people live in a restricted circle of their potential being.”

His comment, made over a century ago, still holds true today for too many of us. It’s high time to take pride in your accomplishments. Unapologetically claim control of your view of yourself. Make it a positive view, of course.

Self-confidence is an attitude you must establish for yourself about your skills and your capability to learn, develop and grow. Experiencing feelings of high or low self-confidence is seldom connected to your actual abilities and mainly stems from your own thoughts and perceptions. It’s important to understand that those thoughts likely stem from an external force and may very well be wrong.

For instance, a young woman recently reached out to me through Instagram and shared how her confidence was shaken after a boss chastised her for being, “too soft”. The incident occurred four years ago, but the negative impact lingered on.

I encouraged her to make a small behaviour modification to reset her trust in herself and take back control of her thoughts. For her, learning to use a bit of the lower range of her natural speaking voice along with more projection, combine to give her an improved, more confident sounding voice, which, in turn, helps boost her internal voice.

Many threads of negative self-talk are unwittingly sewn into our fabric by family, friends or teachers during our formative years. We can become so entangled by these threads that we don’t even realise they are choking our potential.

Review the list below to reknit your thoughts.

1 Actively identify your strengths. Write a big, bold list in a bright colour. Post it where you can read it daily.

2 Practise praising yourself – out loud. when you accomplish a task or make a solid effort.

3 Focus on progress, not perfection.

4 Learn to say no to unreasonable requests.

5 When you make a mistake, don’t dwell on it. If you need to apologise for something, do it quickly and sincerely, then move on. Don’t dwell on your stumbles.

6 Force yourself to slow down.When you start to feel overwhelmed, upset or uncertain about something, stop and mentally unpack the reality of the situation. Ask a neutral party for their view of the situation.

7 Write things down to force yourself to sort any jumble of emotions and get them out of your head.

8 Remind yourself that past negative life experiences do not define your future.

9 Practise expressing your feelings, opinions and desires directly and respectfully.

10 Get a coach to help support you.

Confidence is your superpower. But it doesn’t come from another planet or some scientific experiment gone awry. You must purposefully develop it within yourself. So, go on, celebrate your victories. Celebrate the victories of others too. If we’re all busy celebrating, there will be no time for begrudgery and that’s a victory too.

 Write to Gina in care of SundayBusiness@independent.ie or right here on LinkedIn!

With corporate clients in five continents, Gina London is a premier communications strategy, structure and delivery expert. She is also a media analyst, author, speaker and former CNN anchor. @TheGinaLondon