How Should Christian Leaders Handle Difficult People ?

Leading people can be one of the most discouraging and messiest things in the world. Everyone is different, often responds based on their individual perspective, carry their own baggage or is dealing with their own drama.

Most leaders can't definitively predict how their day will go or when someone will act out of character so I say it is always advantageous to expect the unexpected. and more importantly to learn how to work with all kinds of people; especially the difficult ones.

Difficult people come in all sizes and shapes. For example, there is the energy drainer or energy vampire who drains your energy and make you feel tense. They cant be happy for others and usually overwhelms you as they constantly create problems and feed on negativity.

There is also the drama magnet or the victim who always has an excuse or find someone or something to blame for their misfortunes. Drama seems to follow them as they feed on gossip or create it, and they always manage to make every thing among them.

Then there is the manipulator or controller who knows more than everyone else, who tries to control everything and needs to be in charge of every decision. They do not bat an eye when giving fake compliments or pretending to like you and others for personal gain.

We certainly cannot ignore the constructive criticizer who hardly supports any of your decision, and makes you feel as if you cant do anything right. They are the masters of guilt trips and constantly use white lies or half truths in an effort to gaslight you.

Finally, there is the narcissist or the pessimist who not only cares about their goals, feelings and needs, talks down to everyone because they genuinely believe that they are the cream of the crop, or would do a better job than you. They cant be happy for others and constantly puts you in an uncomfortable position.

When faced with a seemingly impossible person who won't respond positively to good intentions, right actions or reasonable words, what do we do? When a person constantly tries to manipulate you, assassinate your character and question or allow others to question your integrity, how long do you continue to engage that individual ?

How do Christian leaders handle these difficult persons?

First, remember that you have been anointed, appointed and purposefully commissioned to lead with a purpose -John 12:26. Jesus clothes us with himself-Gal. 3:27 that empowers us to fulfil that person. Act 1:8.That is why we are able in these situations to do far beyond what we ask or imagine - Eph. 3:20.

Second, examine yourself to make sure that you are not the problem -2 Cor. 13: 5-6. Then clarify expectations and establish a system of realistic support, which includes knowing when to be silent and when to tune out - 2 Tim. 2:23, (there's a difference) and when to walk away. Prov. 13:20

Third, establish healthy boundaries. Make an intentional effort not to be side tracked or distracted by who the devil have planted to hinder you from fulfilling your mission. -Prov.22:3. Never give him free reign to walk about when he seeks to devour you. Familiarity makes the lion more dangerous - Prov. 26:4

Fourth, pick your battles. Understand that your warfare is not carnal -2 Cor. 10:4. You must resist the urge to get agitated when, they speak or when they enter your space. Focus on the problem or issue that keep coming up in the conversation. Confront and solve only those issues that are pressing and damaging. Otherwise treat them with kindness. See things from their perspective, but act in the opposite spirit.

Fourth, listen to what God through the Holy Spirit tells you to do. Don't get hung up by pouring your good will and intentions into the devil's mission. - John 10;27. Recognize when he is telling you to let go. Pray for them to be peaceful and cooperative or for them to be elevated and promoted out. Watch for God's answer and don't hold them back.

Fifth, flip the script. Don't try to teach them a lesson. Learn the leadership lessons that God is teaching you through their negative behavior's, attitudes and dispositions. Pass your conflict, confrontation, integrity and godliness tests. - Rev. 2;10. You can do it !

Dr. Marcia Thomas Powell

Changing lives. Changing outcomes. Together we overcome.