How to work with your fear of judgement

But what will people think?

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I’d start with this, who are people?

Most anxious high achievers are afraid of being judged. They spend a lot of time trying to predict how people around them will react so that they can better control the narrative.

It can be paralyzing, lead to wrong decision-making, or simply be mentally exhausting to constantly check against what we imagine other people think.

So how do you cut through that noise?

Orianne

Your inner critic: the puppet master behind ‘people judgement’

You’ve read this before, no one thinks about you as much as you think about yourself.

When you try to control your narrative or try to influence how people see you (avoid their judgement), what you are in truth doing is avoiding the discomfort of your own judgement.

Introducing Judgy Judy

Judgy Judy is the part of you that is highly judgemental. Judy does not just judge you, she judges others too.

The more she judges, the more judgmental you become. After all, if she judges others, others may judge you. Judgemental thoughts become this scary, uncomfortable thing you want to run away from, but can’t stop producing.

Judy is like that drunk guy who can’t get enough attention and will hover the conversation with a nonsense topic just for the sake of keeping the attention. The more attention you give her, the more she’ll talk.

Like anyone craving attention, she’ll try her best to keep it.

So when you dissociate from Judy (learn about how in this edition), distancing and moving past judgement, she has a sneaky move.

Impersonating ‘people’s thoughts

When you reduce your inner judge voice or disregard it, she has no choice but to operate under an alias.

‘What if others judge you?’ is a creative way to push self-judgement. Whatever you tell yourself people think, is a reflection of your judgement.

So when you are afraid people think you’re lazy, not good enough, did not perform, are weird, you name it… You are putting in people’s mouths what a part of you thinks.

You’ve got to give it to Judy. It’s a clever move.

Panicked by the potential of other people’s judgement, you rarely pause and question these thoughts you may have questioned if they felt like a self-judgement.

It’s self-judgement in disguise.

Take off the mask

You can’t control what other people think or say, it’s overwhelming to try to do so, and that’s where your attention goes when Judy operates under an alias.

But you can work on your inner dialogue.

When you feel the urge to justify yourself, when you assume someone’s critic or words (why are these assumptions mostly negative btw?), take off Judy’s mask and face her.

Behind the mask, you’ll see that Judy is actually really scared.

She’s irrationally afraid that people may abandon you, or reject you and so she tries to be one step ahead by generating a judgement. Hoping it will at least remove the surprise if it happens and at best get you to adjust your behaviour.

It’s a state of fear and not much clarity and quiet happens in that state.

So if you want to move through life, and your career, with a quieter mind you have to unmask and acknowledge Judy, choose what is worth listening and adjusting to, and let go of the rest.

One nudge for you

Next time you assume someone’s thought about you, pause for a moment. Take off the mask, and observe where this judgement is really coming from.

How does this judgement make you feel, can you sit with that feeling for a bit?

It sounds incredibly simple, but taking a moment to observe and sit through the feeling behind your judgment is how you cut through it.

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If you’re new here, welcome! I’m Orianne, I share weekly tools to help you reduce overthinking and boost your self-confidence.

A bit more about me: I coach brilliant humans who perform very well but want to improve their relationship with themselves (their minds). I am a chocolate addict, live by the beach, and always read several books at the same time.

If you enjoyed this newsletter, you can read the previous editions and subscribe here. If you want to improve your mindset, I am launching a 1:1 coaching program for Founder’s mindset. Check it out here.