How you can stop overworking so you can spend more time with your kids

"Can you read me a bedtime story, pleaaaassssee??"

Your mind screams a thousand screams. "Sure, pumpkin, but it'll have to be a quick one, I have way too much left to do today."

Insert guilt, shame, resentment as you close the door behind you when you're done to go back to your to-do list.

It might even flit through your mind that perhaps something is bothering your child, that they wanted to tell you about something they’re worried about.

But you don’t know for sure, and anyway, you’ve got to get this work finished tonight.

You silently promise that you’ll give them some more time on the weekend, or you vow that in the holidays, you’ll be 100% there for them. When there’s more time…

But we all know this story (all parents have done it): convinced ourselves that ONE DAY there will be more time for snuggles, and stories, and connection, and sharing worries.

But that day never comes.

There’s always something else to do.

The day won’t come itself, but you CAN create it.

If you’re a hyper-conscientious person – maybe even a perfectionist – chances are you’ve set the bar really high for the standard of work you put out. You’re going for 100% in so many areas of your life, and it’s inconceivable to you to do any less.

But have you noticed that when you go for 100% in one area, another area inevitably falls short? You strive for excellence at work and your exercise regime drops away. You bring exercise up the list and your diet suffers. You start to plan better meals but it takes more time and your house is a mess.

And all the while you’re constantly overstretched and stressed. And then your health suffers.

Despite the fact you knock yourself out because you want high-quality results in everything you do, your actual results are mixed because it’s impossible to reach that standard of excellence in all areas.

In fact, going for 100% in all areas isn’t just impossible, it’s detrimental. To your health, your relationships and, in time, your career.

Here’s what you can do differently. It’s the 80% is good enough principle.

But first, let’s agree that 100% is fantastic and feels great. And occasionally, it’s necessary.

But mostly, 80% will do the job adequately. It’s all that's needed.  

Realistically, does your boss or client need that report to be completely typo-free, with perfect grammar and flow? Eg. Are there others in your company who produce 80% and it’s accepted just fine?

Does the dishwasher have to be reloaded by you because it’s not quite ‘right’? If the dishes come out clean, can that be good enough?

Focus your meticulous attention on what is needed rather than insisting on perfection every time.

Think of it as dividing your resources in practical terms across all of your life. You have all these things on your to-do list (including relaxation time for you, right?).

You know that trying to do them all 100% isn’t going to work because some will get neglected (there goes your relaxation time!).

How can you wisely allocate your time and energy so that you can achieve 80% in all areas? (Good enough to meet the requirements/needs).

And if you’re feeling twitchy right now because you LIKE perfection and you don’t WANT to settle for less, ask yourself: What is it costing me to insist on 100% when 80% is enough?  

Is that perfect piece of work (or beautifully stacked dishwasher) actually worth the cost of not spending that precious time with your son or daughter? Or not having a long, reconnecting hug with your spouse? Or not even having a minute to yourself to relax and just be?

If your relentless pursuit of perfection is NOT actually giving you the perfect life you crave, then implementing the 80% is good enough principle will definitely help you bring more balance, satisfaction and consistent happiness into your life.

And when you get the ‘80% is good enough’ principle just right, you should feel the freedom to relax and spend time with the people you love EVERY DAY, no guilt, no stress, just peace.  

What I shared above is one of the things I address with my clients in my signature 8 week 1:1 programme that takes stressed-out perfectionists from anxiety and overwork to being more effective, balanced and calm across all areas of their lives. The programme also addresses mental wellbeing, managing emotions, and communication skills for improved relationships.  You can find all the details here.

DM me if you’re interested in this programme and we’ll have a chat to see if you’re a good fit; if so, we can get you started right away.