Human Connection and Loneliness Amidst the Coronavirus Pandemic

Human beings crave connection. For thousands of years we have lived and worked in communities – it’s fundamental to the way we experience the world. Humans belong in tribes. It is wired in our DNA.

It is still only very early days with the COVID-19 global pandemic and Australia is yet to experience complete lockdown laws, but we are discovering very quickly just how many of us get our social fix from the workplace. Now that entire companies are diverting their employees to work from home and this week adding school children to the mix too, how is this going to play out? Are we going to still feel connected when the majority of our meetings (at least for the foreseeable future) are over the telephone or on a video screen? Are we going to be able to stay compassionate, loving and kind in our homes and avoid having meltdowns like my entire family, including me, did this morning?

A vital part of overall wellbeing is meaningful relationships and a sense of belonging. The COVID-19 pandemic has pushed us towards true digital working overnight, dramatically limiting the amount of face-to-face contact we have each day. Right now it is more important than ever to make an effort to maintain a true sense of connection with colleagues, family, friends and loved ones.

To get better at the jobs we do, the sports we engage in or the instruments we play, we put in time and focused effort to improve skills. Relationships are exactly the same – we can’t just take them for granted and then wonder why they don’t feel deep or meaningful.

Research commissioned by the Movember organisation shows half of Australian men have only one or two close friends, and an alarming one in seven said they had no close friends at all. Men aged over 55 were the most isolated.

The opposite of connection is loneliness

I’m sure everyone has had periods where they feel isolated or alone. We don’t know how long this pandemic will last but we do know more people than every are going to feel lonely, isolated and disconnected. Loneliness is a response to our fundamental need to belong and feel connected. Lack of feeling connected either emotionally or socially can result in an unpleasant aching feeling of emptiness, anxiety, restlessness and marginality, research shows.

The causes of loneliness can include social, mental, emotional and physical factors. Loneliness can be felt even when you are surrounded by other people. Indeed, although technology has made us more ‘digitally connected’ than ever, more people are reporting they feel alone. Research has also shown an increase in reported loneliness among people who are constantly connected to their digital devices, and who lack meaningful relationships in the real world.

A national survey by Lifeline Australia discovered 60% of the 3,100 respondents said they ‘often felt lonely’ and 82.5% said they felt loneliness was increasing in society. Lifeline’s CEO, Pete Shmigel, said, ‘We have more calls to Lifeline that talk about loneliness and social isolation and family and relationship breakdown than we do of people talking about mental illness. We need to have the stickiness, the gooeyness, the conflict that comes with engaging in actual human relationships.’

Loneliness does not depend on how many friends you have: in fact, more than 60% of lonely people are married. Loneliness also has nothing to do with how many ‘friends’ we have on social media (Side note: A female colleague recently told me, ‘I’ve got 1,275 friends on Facebook, 2,500 followers on Twitter, 5,469 connections on Instagram and 3,000 on LinkedIn, but on Saturday night I had no one to go out to dinner with.’)

 Loneliness activates our physical and psychological stress responses and depresses the immune system. Chronic loneliness significantly increases risk of cardiovascular disease and represents as great a risk for long-term health and longevity as smoking cigarettes.

For all these reasons and more, building and maintaining close relationships with our colleagues, friends and family is vital for physical and mental wellbeing. And right now, it’s more important than ever before. As you follow health advice around social distancing and creating productive working from home routines, take care to also maintain positive human connection.

Would love to hear some of the ideas you are implementing to stay connected (in a human way) to colleagues right now?