A Humbled Backseat Driver

I was bleeding, and I couldn’t yet feel the pain, but I could feel the blood.

Then. Wham. 

Reality set in.

The pain reverberated throughout my body.

It wasn’t simply the physical pain I was experiencing from the trip, it was the emotional pain which coursed through my being.

I’m not one to give up but I was down about as far as I could get in a moment.  

The scars remain as a reminder.

If you follow me regularly you know what my move to Arizona was like.  You know of the breakdowns (car, truck, myself).  You may even be aware of the anger of just how much life felt out of my control.

If there was something I could control, I was going to do it because it felt like very little.

It felt like one after another, the chess pieces of my life’s game took a hit, arriving in Arizona in the backseat of my uncomfortably quiet car, atop a tow truck, tears coursing down my face.

The three who traveled with me?  All they could do was carry me across the finish line.

I was lost and depleted.

Everything was dying and the grief, overbearing.  

There were a lot of lessons to be learned in those few days traveling cross country.  

It seemed as if the more I tried to control the situation, the more hurt I was feeling.  Yet, it seemed to be the only thing I knew.

I wasn’t in a position where I could lead anyone and when I tried, it seemed as if they were the moments we broke down, fell, literally got injured.

Control seemed to be equated with pain and hurt.

It’s a tough lesson.  I rightly took a seat in the back.  I had to look at life through a different lens as it unfolded in this excursion.  

I wasn’t the one to make decisions.  I wasn’t the one to give orders.  I wasn’t any of it.

I was the one who had to listen, stop, and be cared for and face the hard truth I was hurting and hurting deeply.

Leaders must know how to follow, know when to step aside and let others take their rightful place, and learn from them.

When I allowed it to happen and unfold in this way, it seemed to go much more smoothly.  Decisions and choices could be made from clarity rather than pain.  It was as if I was trying to rush to my own death or something when the most teachable moments even in death happen in the slowing down.

We’re always in a hurry to get somewhere and we’ll steamroll through life without giving it much thought.  

It often takes moments like mine to force us to stop and pay attention and remember my own interconnectivity to the world and people around me.

It’s pretty easy to just allow my ego to take control of everything, and is the autopilot of life, not only depleting the connection with others but also with myself.  

I could only do what I knew how to do in those moments, things which I am really good at, and yet, it wasn’t enough.  

It wasn’t enough and I didn't want to succumb my pain onto others.  They knew I was hurting.  They knew what was going on.  Yet, I tried to hide it by taking charge.

It wasn’t the right move on my part.

Leading and leadership has taken on a more grounded view for me since that experience.  If I was going to lead, I was going to have to remain connected to my own heart and purpose.  

Getting in my own way kept me trapped in my head and even clinging to what had always felt right for me.

Leading, now, though, comes with a stroke of humility.  It’s not something you see in many leaders.  So many want it to be about being right, winning, doing whatever it takes to get on top.

Doing that simply leads to a much harder and longer fall, at least it did for me.

I had to admit a lot about myself in this experience.  I had to admit I don’t have all the answers and no leader needs to have them all!  A leader knows when to sit in the back seat and look and listen through a different lens, of the people around him or her.

I’m grateful for the others who did that journey with me and can now see glimmers of light which shined through, even if I didn’t know it at the moment.  They thrust me out of my own way when I needed it most and has become clearer for me today how to help others do the same.

If you find yourself hurting on life’s highway these days, it may be time for you to take the backseat of your own life for a while and listen and see through a different lens.

No, it doesn’t mean you’re not making choices best for you, even in those moments.  It does mean you’ve admitted a need for help and others to walk with you.  It takes great humility to admit it.

Let me get you off the highway and in for service to prepare you for the next chapter of your life.  I'm here to listen into your own pain and see where I can best serve you on this journey.

In the line of work that I do, my clients are experiencing a new kind of leadership, a new level of success, and a series of personal and professional shifts that are creating joy, excitement and fulfillment - and at a core, they are all getting out of their own way.

Life is beautiful when it unfolds for us. 

And it is always unfolding for us - if we’re brave enough to take a back seat. 

Drop a line today and let’s set up a time to talk.  Your life is waiting for you.