I am Not a Tree
One of the biggest challenges in negotiation is keeping emotion out of the conversation. Unless one party is particularly adept at dealing with difficult people
Though not exactly a Newtonian principle, we all know that an emotional action is likely to generate a greater and similar emotional reaction. And so it goes, back and forth.
Take name calling. Despite having worked for professional companies in technology services most of my career, there has been the odd instance when someone reverted to name calling. In my younger days I would feel offended, my emotions would surge and I had to restrain myself from saying something in return that I surely would regret.
That was ego at work.
A professional negotiator
Over time I have become much better at controlling my emotions
In one instance, the other party disagreed with me on a contentious point, and he called me “stupid.”
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“If you think that’s a fair way to resolve this, then you must be stupid.”
I replied, “I do think the proposal is fair and I don’t agree that I am stupid.”
He immediately apologized for the comment.
My colleague later said to me that my reaction was surprisingly calm given the tension in the room. I said, “I am not a tree. If he called me a tree, I would not be offended, because I know I am not a tree. If someone calls me ‘stupid,’ that doesn’t offend me either. I know I am not stupid. So I avoid the emotion and try to stay on course.”
Fisher and Ury advised us 40+ years ago to be hard on the issues
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So true! As Dr. Stephen Covey beautifully puts it, "I am not a product of my circumstances. I am a product of my decisions.👌". Managing emotions is the essence of leadership.💪 Let's also remember, humility is key - It's not about us, it's about the team!🤝 #Leadership #Teamwork
Understanding and managing emotions is key to effective leadership, and generative AI can be a powerful tool in helping to maintain that balance. 🧠 By analyzing patterns and providing insights, AI can assist in decision-making, ensuring personal feelings don't cloud professional judgement. 🤖 I'd love to show you how generative AI can enhance your leadership skills and efficiency. Let's explore the potential together in a call! 📲 Brian
This is great John! It's so important to lead ourselves and our emotions in the workplace.
B2B negotiator/trainer, 𝗡𝗢𝗧 crisis/hostage negotiator. 𝟮𝗫 "Outlier" (10,000+ paid hours) 𝗕𝗢𝗧𝗛 F500 B2B negotiating 𝗔𝗡𝗗 training B2B negotiators. Ask me about the differences!
1yI often wonder how the world would be different if "we" lived by the saying we teach children, "Sticks and stones..." Another person's words are a reflection of THEIR character, NOT my reality. My body, my choice how to react.
CMO // Helping CEOs Build, Brand, & Grow // 20+ Years Transforming Orgs with Growth Marketing x Performance Branding
1yGreat advice--thanks for sharing! 👏