I Changed My Breath And It Transformed My Life

I recently attended a breathwork retreat. It profoundly changed my life. What is "breathwork"? Why would anyone consider doing that and why did it change my life? Let me explain.

What is "breathwork"?

Rebirthing or Conscious Connected Breathing is an active breathing process that inspires access to your full potential for joy, aliveness and peace in life (rebirthingbreathwork.com). Breathwork allows you to enter altered states of consciousness, a lot like taking psychedelic drugs, but it is completely legal and safe. And the methodology is deceptively simple – lie on your back, adjust your breathing, listen to provocative music, and relax.

Breathwork is often pursued by people interested in self-exploration, personal growth, or personal transformation. By facilitating access to the unexplored, suppressed, or unconscious parts of minds, breathwork can help to surface difficult emotions, "unfinished business" or other blockages - resulting in powerful healing and transformative effects. 

Although breathwork is often practiced in a spiritual context, it can be applied without the need to subscribe to any specific belief system of philosophy. The process was pioneered by clinical psychiatrist Stanislav Grof who published extensive research on the topic. Today, there are several forms of breathwork, including Holotropic-, Rebirthing-, Transformational- and others.

Why would anyone consider doing breathwork? 

In my personal development work, I became aware of some emotional blockages that were hard to access and were resistant to exploration in regular coaching, counselling, and self-reflection. It felt like some of my emotional "pipework" was clogged. In addition, over the past 5 years, I experienced an increasing yearning for something "to be born" in myself and my business. Yet, I was unable to express/complete this birthing process. These blockages consumed progressively more of my mental, emotional, and creative energy and affected my sense of wellbeing and fulfilment.  I realised that these issues needed to be addressed.

After exhausting my regular, repertoire of approaches to address these issues, I was ready to explore more powerful and unconventional ways to support my personal growth and healing. Observing similar blockages in clients and acquaintances, I was very curious about the application of altered states of consciousness in personal and leadership transformation work. 

I initially considered psychedelic-assisted therapy.  After watching "How to Change Your Mind" on Netflix, talking to people who experimented with psychedelics, and reading about new scientific breakthroughs in this area, it seemed like an attractive option. However, given that psychedelic drugs are illegal where I live, not to mention the logistical challenges involved in legally accessing them, I ultimately decided to explore breathwork. 

As with many other good things in my life, I found that "when the student is ready, the teacher will appear". I found an eight-day retreat that combined breathwork with self-exploration in a small intimate group setting, run by a veteran facilitator of more than 40 years. Eight days was a huge commitment but it turned out to be just the right amount of time and one of the best decisions in my life. 

What happens on a breathwork retreat?

The retreat included meditation, self-reflection, and exploration of the "big questions" that participants were looking to resolve. Over eight days I experienced four breathwork sessions in which I was able to access and release the emotional blockages described above. I also had the privilege of being the "sitter"; witnessing and supporting fellow participants in their breathwork sessions. Every breathwork session was powerful and each one allowed me to progressively access, surface, and process more blocked emotional material. I was ultimately able to fully experience and express intense emotions through screaming in rage, sobbing like a baby, and laughing from my belly - some of which have been repressed for nearly 50 years. Each breathwork session was followed by reflection and journalling, group discussion and drawings that facilitated the processing and integration of the experience. The picture for this blog is one of my post breathwork creations.

Let me try to describe one of my experiences with a breathwork session. When I was about 5 years old, a mean adult took my favourite toy and destroyed it in front of my eyes. No matter how much I begged and pleaded, my words and actions had no impact - I was powerless. I also learnt that it was unsafe to express the rage, sadness, and grief that I experienced in that situation - because of the power that the adult held over me. As a result of this experience, the 5-year-old me internalised the belief of being powerless and that it was unsafe to express strong emotions openly. These beliefs continued to affect my behaviour into adulthood; manifesting as a strong urge to control things whenever I felt that someone was going to "take my toys". These are obviously unfounded and irrational beliefs, but since they were buried deep in my unconscious mind, I could not access or modify them - even as an adult. I only experienced "irrational" bouts of controlling behaviour that adversely affected my personal and professional relationships despite my strong desire to be kind, generous, and collaborative towards others. 

In the breathwork session, I returned to the scene of the "trauma" described above. But instead of being a helpless 5-year-old, I faced the aggressor as my adult self. I confronted the aggressor and protected the 5-year-old version of me, showing him that he was not powerless. The 5-year-old me was allowed to fully express the rage, sadness, and grief that he suppressed at the time. It was dramatic. When I returned to full consciousness, I felt a huge sense of relief and all the emotions about the situation were gone. 

The experience was truly cathartic. I left the retreat with a feeling of freedom and release, unlike anything I've ever experienced.  My emotional pipework has been blown open and the flow of emotions and personal energy has been restored. Accessing the memory and releasing the repressed emotions was exactly what I needed to address the blockages in my life. The session lasted about 90 minutes, and like in a dream, time was warped, fuzzy, and non-linear. Although the memories of the experience are vivid and real, it is nearly impossible to describe the experience in simple words.

The guidance from a wise facilitator and the presence of three open-minded, and equally vulnerable participants, created a psychologically and physically safe space where I could be and express myself without inhibition or judgement. 

What am I taking away?

Now, nearly 3 weeks later, I'm still processing the mountain of insights I unearthed during the process. I’m definitely more calm and more patient. I noticed that I’m more clear in expressing my needs and expectations and I’m very much aware of my emotions in the moment. This blog, the first in months, is the first sign of life returning to my creative and expressive faculties. In the meantime, I can articulate a few other preliminary takeaways:

1. Breathwork is powerful and cathartic. Given the right setting, and the readiness of the explorer, it can provide a quantum leap in personal growth and healing. 
2. Trauma does not have to be big to be real. Seemingly insignificant painful childhood experiences are processed and internalised in ways that affect us for the rest of our lives. It is hard, if not impossible for us to challenge or re-programme these unconscious assumptions without help. Breathwork provides a potential pathway for this to happen.  
3. Don't try this at home. To get the maximum value from breathwork (and other mind-altering processes), you need to experience breathwork in a safe, supportive environment with a guide who can help you process the experience and insights. It is also important to have support after the experience – insights continued to emerge and I really appreciate the help of fellow coaches and counsellors who helped me to integrate these.  
4. Breathwork is relevant to leadership and professional development. It is not possible to separate leadership and personal development. The insights and personal transformation that resulted from this retreat will affect every aspect of my life, the way I interact with others, the way I run my business, the way I live, and the way I treat myself. 
5. Breathwork is not for everyone. Breathwork will almost certainly provoke intense (and sometimes unpleasant) emotions and physical reactions. If this is a concern to you, it may be best to start with something gentler to ease you into the process of self-exploration. Some health conditions may preclude you from exploring breathwork. 

Invitation

While I'm excited to explore ways to integrate breathwork into my professional practice and programmes, I wrote this blog to tell the story of my journey and to convey my life-changing experience.  If my story resonated with you in any way or triggered some questions or interest, I would love to hear from you. Send me a note, connect with me on LinkedIn, or join me for a coffee. I would love to hear your story, share stories, and explore possibilities.