I Inherited My Parents’ Heart

I didn’t grow up in a well-to-do family. I didn’t study in some elite school. Yet there is one thing I learned unconsciously from watching my parents: the “helper” spirit.

My dad used to volunteer in the neighbourhood residents committee (RC). One of the things I remember doing alongside him regularly was going door-to-door collecting newspapers to sell to the newspaper man as so to raise funds for the RC. My mom would also take it upon herself to impart her knowledge and words of wisdom onto relatives and friends – anybody who would give her time of day.

Through my growing years, it seemed my parents didn’t understand and couldn’t understand me: I was so different, so willful and too “westernised” in my thinking. I went through a long period of self-righteousness/ victimhood: “I wish I wasn’t born into this family”. I didn’t realise it then that I am more like my parents than I could ever admit to myself!

I played into the whole “Why me?” story until one day in one of my meditations, I went within and asked my intuition/ God/ Higher Self properly demanding an answer: “Why was I born into this family?”

The answer came and it was short: “If you weren’t born into this family, you wouldn’t have this heart.”

Heart? What does that mean?

At that time, I was going to embark on my doctorate in human sexuality (13 years ago) and determined to start a career helping people. I realised I won’t have this heart of compassion if not for my parents – I got it from them! And it was going to serve me in my life’s calling! I burst out crying.

If I got my “heart” from my parents, what about my siblings – did they also have this “heart” of gold?

The answer came: Yes.

If anything, my siblings were like me – kind. We may not be rich, smart, but kind yes. I remember I fell to my knees in shock/ humility/ gratitude and bowed to my parents even though they weren’t physically infront of me at that moment of epiphany. That day was the turning point in my relationship with my parents. There are reasons beyond our human understanding as to why/ how things happen the way they do – but it is not often within our human capacity/ reasoning to understand them.

And with this “heart” I received from my parents, I believe I have used it well – to help, serve, and support humanity. I’ve had my heart broken so many times by cruel people, ex lovers, and even supposed friends – but each time, I choose to tell myself to never give up on doing the right thing, take the higher road, and not to become bitter, angry, and jaded no matter what. I get to choose my attitude. This is why I believe I look better and better as I age – I am attaining a kind of ascension while on earth. Life can be “heaven on earth” no matter what the circumstances.

As a relationship counselor and clinical sexologist, I’ve learned to use my verbal and non-verbal communication skills. I’ve gained insights into the “hard” vs “soft”; and “direct” vs “indirect” ways to get through to people. I choose to help humanity – because there is nothing else I rather be doing. I was born to help humanity. I would die without regrets as I already live out my life’s purpose each day.

May my personal sharing inspire you to heal your own wounds from your family of origin; to choose the higher road; to take back the power that has always been yours to take. Namaste. I bow to the divine in you.

About Dr. Martha Tara Lee

Surrounded by friends who were sexually inhibited and struck by dire lack of positive conversations around sex and sexuality in Singapore, Dr. Martha Tara Lee set out to make a positive difference in embarking on her doctorate in human sexuality before launching Eros Coaching in 2009. Today, she remains dedicated to working with individuals and couples who wish to lead self-actualised and pleasure-filled lives.

She also holds certificates in counselling, coaching and sex therapy, and her fourth degree – a Masters in Counselling in May 2018. In practice for more than 10 years, she is the only certified sexuality educator and certified sexuality educator supervisor by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) in Singapore.

Often cited in the local media, Dr. Lee is the appointed sex expert for Men’s Health Singapore, and Men’s Health Malaysia. She was recognised as one of ‘Top 50 Inspiring Women Under 40′ by Her World in July 2010, and one of ‘Top 100 Inspiring Women’ by CozyCot in March 2011. She has published four books: Love, Sex and Everything In-Between, Orgasmic Yoga, From Princess to Queen and {Un}Inhibited.

Martha works with individuals and couples in private coaching sessions, and conducts her own workshops. She takes prides in making sure all her workshops are also fun, educational, and sex-positive. This comes easily to her because even though she is extremely dedicated and serious about her work, she fundamentally believes that sex is meant to be fun, wonderful, amazing and sacred. As such, this serious light-heartedness has shone through again and again. For her full profile, click here. Email her here.