I teach productivity, but I burned out. Here's what I learned.

Two months ago, I hit an all-time work low.

I had all the classic signs of burnout:

• Emotional exhaustion. Tick.
• Cynicism. Tick.
• Lack of motivation. Tick.

I was even having what my clinical psychologist friend Sabina Read called a “getting hit by a bus but not killed” fantasy, whereby I was having dreams of getting injured (but not too injured) so that I could take some time off work (without judgement) and people would empathise with my plight and offer the tonnes of sympathy. (I thought this was completely weird, but it turns out, it’s a common experience amongst those who are burning out).

I pushed through until a scheduled two-week holiday.

I began to re-group and recover. And perhaps most importantly, reflect.

So how did I get here?

1. I falsely believed that I had super-human productivity skills.

Perhaps because of the work I do in the productivity space, people constantly give me feedback on how productive I am. I don’t mean how many hours I work, but rather, the disproportionately large output I can deliver in a short space of time.

I am probably more “productive” than the average person (after all, I apply many of the strategies I teach to others in my own life). But I now know that I have my limits. Turns out, I do not possess super-human productivity powers.

2. Because of #1, I didn’t prioritise my time.

My year started by stepping into a dual role at Inventium. I was continuing with my normal “thought leadership” role (writing, podcasting, speaking, and launching my fourth book The Health Habit) but I was also taking on an Acting CEO role (until I could find a replacement).

I remember sitting down in January to work out my goals for the next six months. There was a lot I wanted to achieve. So I removed 10%. And I thought I could do everything else. Looking back, I should have removed more like 50%.

3. I felt an irrational sense of urgency.

When I stepped into the CEO role (after being out of it for nearly five years), all I could see in my business were things that needed “fixing” or “improving”. It was like I was wearing the opposite to rose-tinted glasses. And I wanted to do it all. Immediately.

I am not good at sitting in uncertainty and I am not good at knowing what needs to be done and just pacing myself through change.

Throughout the five months in the CEO role, I had a lyric from the musical Hamilton going around and around in my head, in which Aaron Burr sings (about Alexander Hamilton): “Why do you write like you’re running out of time”.

No, I didn’t have a terminal illness nor did I have an external deadline. But I felt this drive to do everything all at once. And I (falsely) believed that I could. Not only was this bad for my own mental health, it was bad for my team. All the change I relentlessly drove - that I thought would be amazing (and yes, in the long-term it should be) - exhausted us all.

So what am I doing differently?

During my time away, I had many conversions with my partner and did lots of journalling around what I wanted to change about my behaviour when I returned to work - to prevent ever being in this situation again.

I’ll share some of the new habits and rituals I have been implementing in my next post.

But for now, if you’re keen to learn more about burnout and recovery, I reckon you’ll enjoy my most recent chat with Adam Grant on How I Work. I spoke to Adam shortly after coming back from my two week vacation. We talk about our own burnout experiences and more importantly, what advice we have for people who might be feeling stressed, exhausted or burnt out.