The I vs We conundrum

2011

Joe wanted to have a conversation with me while he was outside enjoying his smoke break. I obliged, while smoking is not my thing, the weather was awesome, and I had been busting my ass all day in the store moving the bedding department around.

Joe was my district manager, and we had a conversation earlier about what I wanted out of his district since I was new to it. They moved me from another area to help out stores with my specialty, building teams and culture.

I had a specialty, and that was making sure the employees felt like they mattered, didn’t cry (that was a thing), and wanted to stay at the company. At this point, I had been with the company for 4 years and had been in 7 different stores to help with culture and training.

“John, I am not going to dance around the subject” Joe stated as he exhaled his smoke. “I just don’t think you will ever be cut out to get to the next level in my district”

I was taken back, it was what I was working towards, of course.

Joe took another hit and shared “I want my people to be “I” people. They have to know that if something goes wrong, it is their fault, they have to know that while a team runs the building, they are the reason it runs, and they are the reason it fails or succeeds”

“See you, while you are good at what you do, you worry about the employees too much and try too much to be a team player, you involve everyone or try to”

I jumped in, “That is my strength, and that was why I was very successful in the other district, they utilized that strength to better their teams”

Joe continued, not even really listening to me “You always talk about the team… we did this, we accomplished that, we sold this many of something, we, we, we. It is never you. It is never I.”

The browbeating continued, “When I walk your store with other managers, they say, I built this end cap and it sold $500, I moved around the department to lower the shrink, they truly believe in themselves, and they’re always talking about how they are successful”

I interrupted him.

“Joe, while I have moved end caps, and remodeled entire departments, my team helped me do so and I am willing to bet, their team did the same. I always assure my team knows what they are doing, and I help them out, and they help me out, they want to help me.

This is the definition of a team and I have to tell you “I” do not plan on changing this.”

Joe didn’t seem surprised and ended the conversation with  “That is your call, time to go back to work”

Present-day and #talkaboutyourselfbetter

 I had the pleasure to join a workshop about this subject. Lila Smith invited me because she knows that 10 years later, I am still not really good at talking about myself. I still am a “We” guy. The team is my passion.

While it is better than it was, I can talk about myself more,  it can only get better from here, I hope.

The workshop was awesome.

She made us do a show and tell, and then explain why the object or subject meant something to us. She then stated, “See you can talk about yourself!”

I smiled as each participant showed their passion, and love for whatever they were talking about. They were lighting up and smiling themselves.

One shared why he had a Texas A&M flag hanging behind him and why it meant so much and why he was proud his son was moving into the next phase of his life, and he thought he would never be there, a dad with a successful son and how he just felt nothing but love for the situation.

One shared her nuggets, her kids. She was so proud to say she was a mother to these two little angels. She wanted to talk about how she was helping them grow, and how she loves seeing them succeed, it was a true moment if there ever was one.

I shared about photography and how it touches me but showcases others too. But it isn’t about others, it was about me, I tell a story through the lens.

This workshop changed my life, in 90 minutes.

It made me want to share stories, it made me want to tell why “I” am who I am, and it made me realize that others will gain insight from the stories I tell, even though they may not tell me.

I have always listened to others say, share for you, not others.

And now I know why. I truly do.

It is time for you to start sharing

 I believe in each and every one of you. You have a story to tell. I know you may not think that it matters to anyone but trust me when I tell you it truly does.

All stories, all of our lives are unique, but in the same light, they are the same. Someone is experiencing the same issue you overcame and may read your story and understand how to do the same or learn from it to change.

Your story on how your job search is going, good or bad, will undoubtedly resonate with someone else in the same boat.

Your business success on a huge sale, and how you got there, will help others to gain valuable insight into sales.

Your story about your parents and how they taught you to live your life and how your values are built from that path, will allow others to possibly talk about their values.

They may not tell you, your LinkedIn post may not get any likes, that is Ok. That is only a vanity metric that really does not matter.

If you tell your story, your truth, your path, your struggle, it will get to someone whose life may be changed, and if you, if I can help one person, that is all that matters.

You have to do one thing though, and it may be the hardest thing you ever do, I sure know it was for me.

Use the letter I and say, I did this, or I did that. I succeeded. I failed.

After all, you found the job, you secured the sale, you took the workshop that changed your life.

At least I did.