I'm Not A Snob, I'm An Introvert

You are a snob

Stuck up

Think you are better than us

This is what people said to me throughout my school years

And it hurt. And still hurts now.

It hurt so much because it wasn’t true.

I didn’t think I was better than anyone else at school.

In fact, it was the opposite.

I never felt like I had any true friends.

I was always an outsider.

I felt alone and a misfit.

I would spend a lot of my time either walking the corridors in break time or, if it was warm enough sitting on a bench alone outside.

Every now and again I would get invited to join in with a couple of other girls, but this always created a group of 3, and then the dynamics wouldn’t work and I would be on my own again.

I stopped trusting people.

I didn’t want to let them in.

I wanted to be accepted but instead, I was like a puppy begging to be loved.

People thought I was a snob because I was alone and didn’t hang out with anyone.

They thought I chose to be alone. But I didn’t. I just didn’t know how to make friends.

They didn’t see me as a Geek - I was a Grade C girl, not a Grade A.

But I did speak well, so they labeled me a snob.

I would get teased. Laughed at. Pushed hard against the lockers, landing with a huge thud, as I walked past people lining up to get into class. Some of the boys were so horrible to me I spent a lot of time in the bathroom crying and hiding.

At the time I didn’t understand why I was treated this way. I also wasn’t the only one. Around the age of 14/15 things started to change. I started to hang with a few people from church that went to my school. They too were outsiders and we kinda looked after each other.

My confidence grew and I was happier going to school. Yes, I still got teased, but I was not alone anymore.

When I started my business in 2009/2010 I went through a similar experience. The cool kids were the ones who were outgoing and enjoyed networking. They were loud and happy and had a little gang.

I would show up to these networking events and sit on my own. Wishing I had what they had and could be part of their gang.

But in doing so I pushed myself away even further. I made myself believe that I was an outsider again like I was at school.

I retreated and found ways to look busy at these events and not have to talk to anyone.

And the memories of school came flooding back.

That the kids at school were right.

I would never be accepted, be part of the gang.

As the years went by I spent a lot of time working on my personal development.

And I found out I wasn’t a snob, I was an introvert.

I found talking to strangers hard.

I was a thinker so my face always had a kind of frown on it.

I was quite standoffish but that was my nerves kicking in.

So I went through the process all over again.

In the USA and a lot of the UK, being outgoing, talking to everyone and being super friendly is expected for you to get ahead. If you are not a natural networker it starts to feel like the school playground again.

Insiders and outsiders. Extroverts and introverts.

But now us Introverts are super lucky.

We have the internet. We don’t have to leave our houses and go out and socialise with people, hoping to be accepted. We can sit in our homes, with our computers and help people with our expertise without putting ourselves in awkward situations.

We can make friends through Twitter. Short, easy-to-type messages. Supporting other introverts that don’t like to socialise either. Other introverts who feel awkward and uncomfortable in crowds.

I have even met some extroverts that keep asking me to socialise with them. I politely decline and continue the relationship online.

So whilst the extroverted world keeps spinning I feel I have found marketing zen. Marketing zen is the ability to calmly, and in a relaxed way, build relationships.

A way I can use my intuition around things. Do things my way not the extroverted way. Because the extroverted way doesn’t work for me.

It didn’t at school. And it doesn’t in the business world.

The knock-on effect is that my clients tend to be attracted to me because the marketing I do and teach is introvert-friendly. So ironically I have built a “gang” and hang out with “cool kids”. But cool kids like me.