Influential Communicator Confidence: 3 Ways Micro Expressions Help You Build Relationships

What happens when your facial expression doesn't match your what you're saying?

Will people believe you and will they act on what you're communicating?

When you communicate, the incongruence of your words and facial expressions may happen more than you're aware. You may not realize your face flashes micro expressions, which are brief involuntary facial expressions, often undetectable to the untrained eye.

These expressions can last anywhere from 1/15 to 1/25 of a second.

I became interested in facial expressions back in early 2000, as an executive vice president for my agency. Sitting with a client, we discussed the latest media pitches and editorial interest in their company. I remember going over a media placement report and noting the success of the team. My words were positive and encouraging, yet according to the client my face was displaying another emotion. I just didn't know it at the time.

The client said, "You don't enjoy media relations and pitching, do you?"

Oh no ... the cat was out of the bag!

At the time, media relations was a combination of email and telephone follow-up. There were more hang ups and rejection than successful placements. I felt the "pain" of the team and my "brain" communicated the client's brand was not an easy pitch. Even though we had a few good placements my face gave me away, and my client detected a "flash" of uneasiness.

What happened at this moment? My words did not match my face and the signals and cues I was sharing. The situation prompted me to start videotaping myself as I spoke to see what my face was "saying" and if it matched my words.

The on-camera practice continues today.

Once you tune into micro-expressions, there are three ways they can help you:

#1 Building Greater Rapport. By reading the cues and signals of the face you can assess how someone is feeling. Are you looking at a real smile (with raised cheeks and little checkmark lines by the eyes), or an incongruent flash of a smile with one side higher than the other (the smirk), which is not necessarily the "I'm so happy for you smile." Understanding what people feel based on what you say can further a relationship.

Here's a test: Share some good news with a person you know. Watch their mouth closely. If they're not genuinely happy with your news you'll see quick micro expression as they react, before they give you the obligatory smile. Hopefully, you'll see a genuine smile right from the start.

#2. Understanding Non-Verbal Cues: Micro expressions are just one part of body language. By learning to read body language, you can gain a more complete understanding of how someone is feeling. You're not just reading the face. You're also looking at shoulder movement, arm range, hand gestures (illustrators and regulators) and pacifiers, leg and foot movement, blink rate and breathing patters. There are different non-verbal cues that say "comfort" and then there are clusters of discomfort you can pair together to uncover how someone may be feeling.

When I see a cluster of discomfort, that's an opportunity for me to lower and soften my voice, adjust my phrasing, open up my body language and apply my active listening skills for a more connected and meaningful conversation.

#3. Deception / Lie Detection in Conversations: Here's an area where I'll tread lightly. If you want a good resource on Deception / Lie Detection, then you should read Joe Navarro's book, "What Every Body is Saying." There are micro and macro facial expressions, along with other body language "tells" that signal a person is uncomfortable and deception could be at hand. However, I'll leave lie detection to the trained behavioral profilers, law enforcement and FBI experts (like Navarro, a former FBI agent) who have spent decades focused on the subject matter. I have a good foundation, and that's enough for now.

With my interest in facial expressions, I'm privately Beta Testing a new web-based app built by my team. The app is AI-based and can read macro and micro expressions dealing with the universal emotions: fear, anger, happy, sadness, disgust, and surprise. There's also a "Neutral" bucket when AI can't detect what your face is communicating.

Our tool has a video component, so you can record yourself speaking as AI begins to map out what your facial expressions are saying. We have 38 and 98 "affects" that can be read on your face.

The tool evaluates your facial expressions within four quadrants:

High Control Quadrant (Top Right): The quadrant maps out feelings of high power, happy, excited and delighted, which is on the higher end of the emotional valence or the intensity of positive emotion.

Low Control Quadrant (Lower Left): The quadrant maps out feelings of low power, bored, depressed, uncomfortable and sad, which is on the higher end of the emotional valence or the intensity of negative emotion.

Conductive Quadrant (Lower Right): The quadrant maps out feelings of relaxed, calm, satisfied and pleased, which is on the higher end of the emotional valence or the intensity of positive emotion.

Obstructive Quadrant (Top Left): The quadrant maps out feelings of nervous, tense afraid, stressed, which is on the higher end of the emotional valence or the intensity of negative emotion.

Here's the a screenshot of me showing my Dominant Emotion is "Happy" and the emotional valence, or strength of my emotion is in the High / Control Quadrant (top right of the chart) with feelings that reflect being Delighted and on my way to Elated and Courageous (you can see the position of the "circle tracker" in the quadrant).

We 're planning to have a public Beta Version and look forward to hearing your thoughts on our AI Facial Analysis tool.

Do the words you're sharing reflect what your face is saying? How confident are you when you speak?

More to come soon!

BONUS: If you missed The #DMShow Live in June, with special guest Ken Jacobs, then you can watch the video on demand version. Along with my co-host, Martin Waxman, we looked at leadership from different angles and How to Manage Your Career Like a Leader. You don't need a title to lead!