Interview with my Mom: Depression, Despair, Love & Hope… [FULL English Transcript]

#MentalHealth #SuicidePreventionMonth

My mother has struggled with depression for 40+ years. I interviewed her to better understand her experience. Please share with those you love.

👉 Watch the video or scroll down to read the full English transcript.

I started by asking her to share a happy memory from her childhood.

Question: Mom, do you have any special childhood memories? Please share that.

Yes, I remember. Our Father, whom we used to call "Babuji", used to tell stories to us about Ramayana, Mahabharata and also of history.

All of us brothers and sisters used to listen to him by surrounding him from all the sides. It felt great.

He used to get up at four o'clock in the morning and then wake us all up.

After that, we used to walk to the "Ken" river, 2 kilometers away from our house, to take a bath. While returning after the bath, there was a samosa shop. They used to make samosas with pure ghee. We would eat the samosas then we would come back home.

Question: Sometimes you used to get so depressed that when we would return from school, you couldn't cook for us. How did you feel then?

I used to feel very bad, it would happen only when I was very ill. So ill that I used to be completely incapable of preparing food.

I used to be worried and sad about my children coming hungry from school. It would trouble me a lot not being able to cook for them. But it used to happen only when I was totally incapable.

If I even had a little bit of courage, I used to get up and cook.

Question: But when you were having this type of severe depression, then what did you feel, what did you experience?

There was a very low feeling, the hands and feet used to become loose. I couldn't get up from bed. There was a lot of anxiety.

Question: You had depression and you also had to play the role of a mother. What do you think about that time?

It was a tough time.

A mother's role is much wider and harder.

One must be completely healthy to play the role of a mother, both physically and mentally.

Mental health matters a lot. If a person is not mentally healthy, then taking care of children, their upbringing; everything becomes more difficult.

You get more angry and irritable due to depression. I used to get angry on children sometimes, and used to feel sad. I used to regret that a lot.

Question: Did you ever ask yourself that why did this happen to me?

I am a believer of Hindu religion, that's why I believe in Hindu Philosophy.

According to it, I always think that I must have done something wrong in the previous life, due to which I got this disease.

Among six siblings, everyone else is healthy except me.

Some karma of previous birth might be behind it.

Question: This depression seems like a curse but is it possible that it could be a gift?

If it is seen from a spiritual point of view, then It may be a gift.

Because there is no room for arrogance in it.

Nothing is under your control, the mind is not under your control. It seems that almost nothing is in our control.

We will do what destiny wants, and not be able to do what destiny doesn't want.

So that's why you never feel like, "I did this, I did that".

You simply feel that destiny got that done through me. It happened through us because of destiny.

So there is no arrogance in it and arrogance is the biggest obstacle in the path of spirituality.

When a person thinks that "I am like this, I did this, I did that", he considers himself the master of intellect and mind.

But those who are suffering from depression know very well that they are neither the master of the mind nor the intellect.

It is not in their control. Their mind is not in their control.

They are like a puppet in the hands of depression.

They do things according to their mental state. If we were able, we did it and if we were not, we didn't.

We are powerless, so when we are powerless, where will our arrogance come from?

Question: Ever thought of giving up?

I would sometimes feel like giving up. When I had severe depression, many times, I even wanted to commit suicide.

But then as soon as I would remember my children, I would feel suicide would be wrong.

It seemed that, what is the fault of my children, that I should die.

I am not able to do much physically but I give them the love of a mother with my whole heart. The mother's love that I give, hardly anyone else can give.

Children will grow without mother, but what is their fault? So I'm only thinking of myself when thinking about suicide, not my children.

Thinking of this I used to step back.

I would think what will be the future of my children? They will grow up like orphans.

🙏 Please share with those you love 💛. #MentalHealthAwareness