It's the curse of 2022: Distracted parenting

THE accusations fly fast and furious. Our children’s excessive screen time has been blamed for everything from sleep disturbances to learning disorders and relationship problems.

Before you switch off because you think this is yet another story that blames you for failing to restrict your child’s screen time, keep reading.

This yarn is not about children’s excessive screen time – it is about your screen time and how it can burn a hole in your children’s development.

This yarn is not about children’s excessive screen time – it is about your screen time and how it can burn a hole in your children’s development.

Our children, who are the touchscreen generation, have become so reliant on technology that they find it almost impossible to switch off.

So alarming is their connection with hand-held devices such as tablets and smart phones that their usage has become one of the most debated parenting topics of the past decade.

How much screen time is too much? How does time online impact a child’s development, their relationships and their mental health?

In devoting gigabyte upon gigabyte of brain space to searching for elusive answers to a string of tough questions, some parents have managed to sweep an emerging issue under their mouse pads. 

Rather than focusing on screen-obsessed children, we should be paying more attention to their switched-off parents.

For all the concern over children’s time online, surprisingly little attention is being paid to screen use by parents themselves, particularly when they are with their children.

The truth is that it is easier to let our angst wash over our children’s screen time than pack up our own devices and start paying attention to our offspring.

Parental overuse of screens has created a new type of parent – the distracted one.

Parental overuse of screens has created a new type of parent – the distracted one.

Put simply, distracted parenting is parental overuse of screens – particularly smart phones and tablets – in the company of children. Parents are physically present with their children but their attention is absent.

Most of us know that excessive screen time is increasingly being viewed as a ruinous habit like binge-eating fried chicken, chain smoking or having a lunch-time beer. However, that does not seem to stop us from turning to our screens for just about everything. 

At work we stare at our screens for hours on end. Outside of work, we use our phones to check out bank balances, find out where to buy the cheapest fuel, check the news and catch up with our friends on social media.

It is one thing to be keen on our screens in our own company – but something more worrying when we are around our children.

Distracted parents come across to their children as if they would rather be someplace else. That is what they appear to be saying when they break eye contact with their screens only momentarily to acknowledge their children’s presence.

When parents are preoccupied with their screens, they are not engaging with a child. This can mean a child is not getting the type of social interaction that supports their social-emotional development.

Research is emerging that explains a parent’s reaction – or lack of one – to a child plays an extremely important role in the child’s development.

A recent study, involving young children and their parents, focused on the importance of children’s question-asking behaviours as a critical part of their learning. Researchers found that pre-school aged children asked fewer questions when their parents were engaged with portable or hand-held devices.

To be clear, parents have always had to multi-task so occasional parental distraction is a non-issue.

Besides, it is important that children have time on their own to solve their own problems and pursue their own interests.

However, it is the chronic form of parental distraction that we should be most concerned with – a form far too common and representing a real threat to children’s wellbeing.

Most parents are guilty of parental distraction but many remain in denial, arguing they rarely check their portable screens when around their children – and if they do then only very briefly.

Yet we should not judge too harshly those parents who are driven to digital distraction. 

Many parents have entered the digital world without any guidance from their own parents. They are feeling their own way with technology.

We should also pause to consider that some will simply view digital distraction as another parental beat-up.

Regardless of where you stand on this growing issue, it is unlikely our screens are going to disappear any time soon. 

All parents will ultimately need to get a grip on a form of distraction described as “technoference” – a mash-up of technology and interference. 

It is worth remembering that being physically present is not equal to being emotionally present. 

It is worth remembering that being physically present is not equal to being emotionally present. 

In reality being physically present counts for nothing if we are not emotionally present as well. Otherwise our children will simply think we are not interested in them. 

At the end of the day, we need to keep in mind that our devices can always wait but precious moments with children cannot. 

So next time you are with your child, consider putting down your portable held portable device – especially when your child is trying to talk to you.

ENDS