It's A Tough Gig

Okay, here goes, I don't believe I've ever spoken about my own mental health publicly before but in the spirit of Mental Health week I can honestly say I don't think I've cried as much at any point in my life as I have whilst running my own business.  Sometimes it feels like all the colour has simply vanished.  

I've always considered myself to be mentally resilient, and up until I started my business back in 2019 I'd never felt like I'd been affected before, I genuinely felt like mental health issues weren't something that would impact me.  I was wrong.

Search and recruitment is a highly stressful career at the best of times, but when you factor in the additional pressure that comes with doing it on your own, as your sole source of income, it can all get too much at times, and over the last 4.5 years I have to admit it has, more than once.  I've found myself questioning my offering, my ability, my desire to continue in this line of work, pretty much every aspect of what I do over the years, constantly observing the success of others and using it as "evidence" of what I perceived as my failing.  I've broken down and sobbed, uncontrollably at times and pushed away the people that love me most.  I've taken briefs that I knew I shouldn't have, compromised my fees and agreed to work contingent way too many times than is healthy, essentially ending up working for free on many occasions (and believe me, when you're doing this for yourself, across two continents you end up doing a lot of hours!) and putting more and more pressure on myself to deliver.  I've never been diagnosed with depression but Im certain I've had it more than once.  I put everything into my client's searches, ridiculous hours every day, it impacts my family time, my personal time, my relationships and my mental health more than I have been prepared to admit, until now. 

I simply can't let it continue.

• I need to get better at making time for those closest to me.
• I need to get better at making time for myself.
• I need to recognise my worth, the value I bring to my clients and the results I deliver for them
• I need to talk more about the way I'm feeling

I know there are plenty of people out there that have had significantly bigger mental health struggles than me, I'm not comparing what I've experienced or felt to anyone else, but I think it's important that we share our stories, especially during this week when, rightly so, there is such a focus on mental health.  To anyone that is crazy enough to have built a career in search and recruitment, especially on their own it's okay, it's not easy, it is emotionally draining, you're not the only one questioning yourself, you're not alone if you feel like you're failing at times and if someone with 17 years experience admitting these things helps just one of you then this post is completely worth it.  If you need a sympathetic ear from someone in the same profession, don't hesitate to reach out to me if you're struggling, if I can help in any way I will, and sometimes its just good to talk 🙂

I need to thank, and apologise to, my amazing wife and kids (I'm guessing one day they'll be on here and can look back and read this!) for putting up with the ridiculous mood swings that I've been subjecting them to over recent years, the time with them I've given up as well as the additional stress this all causes - it hits them hard through no fault of their own, and despite whatever I've thrown at them they are still there, picking me up when I fall, my biggest cheerleaders and my motivation for keeping going when times are tough.  I've sacrificed too much of their time, and this is my public commitment to getting better at saying yes to them more often.  

I genuinely hope that, if you are struggling with your mental health right now you get the help and support you need and can still find the little joys in life to make you smile - mine is currently the lady that jogs past my window most days like Phoebe from Friends, how she actually stays on her feet is beyond me!