It’s not Vanity, It’s Therapy.

Self Care In Paris: 

After work on a recent Friday here in Paris, I needed some “me time” to prepare for the next two days. As a mother of four, the weekend has sadly relinquished its status as a care-free oasis of concerts, nightclubs and brunches, and while not unpleasant, has nonetheless become yet another block of obligations that need to be navigated. I only had a small window to myself, so I made the call: It was manicure time. As I sat getting my nails done, my brain enjoying a blissful break from, well, anything important at all, a familiar feeling started creeping in: spa guilt. Why should I, a professional, competent woman find this kind of pampering necessary? Aren’t I smarter than this? Shouldn’t I be doing something, I don’t know, better with my time? Moreover, why do I never feel like this in the United States, or in Belgrade, where everyone from doctors to store clerks happily indulge in this kind of self-care? Why is it only Paris? All of a sudden, I noticed a woman around my age, if not a bit older, also getting her nails done next to me. I wasn’t alone! She had a cute haircut, a chic and edgy look to her outfit and long, sculpted nails that she was having polished. Finally, I thought, another professional woman like me, here in conservative Paris, who actually isn’t ashamed to enjoy a bit of prettying up! Naturally, I started actively eavesdropping, to learn as much as I could about this woman who was destined to be my new best friend. Sadly, I quickly determined that her manicure was in the service of her job, as the receptionist at a hotel. In a customer-facing profession, doing her nails was not merely a pleasant diversion, for her, it was a professional responsibility. I was momentarily crestfallen, but only until I looked down at my own nails. And damn, they looked GOOD. Sure, I might not NEED for my nails to look nice to succeed at work, but success at work certainly does hinge on my feeling good about myself. And having nice nails, just for me, for no one else, makes me feel good. And that’s when I decided to stop apologizing for what spa time really feels like to me: therapy.

Why is it, particularly in Paris, that women, particularly professional women, believe it’s “low brow” to do their nails, get their hair done, or wear flamboyant and fashionable outfits? Who’s to say that making yourself look nice, and by extension making yourself feel nice isn’t just as beneficial as the self-worth gained by exercise or therapy? Studies have shown that while you are doing something relaxing that doesn’t require intense focus, not only does your brain not stop working, it actually uses that downtime to improve memory and learning.  

The other day, while I was doing my hair and makeup for work, my husband ducked in behind me, and I sensed him lingering. Assuming he was simply having difficulty locating a Q-Tip with morning brain, I asked him what his problem was. “No problem at all” he said admiringly. “I was just thinking about the time you spend in here just focusing on yourself like this. I think it does you a world of good.” A little stunned, I replied, “well absolutely of course it does!” On the one hand, he’s absolutely right. On the other, he also pretty clearly showed his cards that he thought practically none of the work I do on myself is for his benefit. But didn’t I already know that? All women know that men don’t actually notice much of our appearance beyond the actual hip to waist ratio. And they especially don’t notice details like hair, makeup and nails. So why do we do it?

We do it because it’s about us. It’s about showing off our personalities when we can’t use words. It’s about bonding with other females, and showing our feathers. But it’s also about more than that. The benefits of self-care of this kind are often unrelated to whatever treatment it is you’re having done. According to NYU professor of psychiatry Virginia Sadock, MD, "Going to a spa is a way of getting taken care of that is psychologically and culturally acceptable -- and we can carry that feeling of being cared for with us for a period of time, and very often that can help us cope better with stres

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not suggesting that Parisian women should fire their therapists or quit going to the gym in favor of a weekly diet of pedicures, cryotherapy and hot stone massages, but I will say that a manageable moment of “you time” is never something to be ashamed of. In New York, women routinely do their hair and nails and take time out to do spa days. They go alone or with friends and heal their souls through social and therapeutic means. To sit in a salon with not a care in the world and exclusively focus on something purely “pretty” that only YOU need to enjoy is a privilege to be sure, but to assume that it is merely an exercise in vanity sells yourself, and the experience, short. You may find, as I have, that doing something for yourself, that isn’t up for anyone’s judgment but your own can be some of the best therapy ever. And at the end of the day, while the fingers that typed up this article did a perfectly acceptable job, it makes me feel just a little bit nicer knowing that the fingernails attached to them are FABULOUS. 

Catherine F. Simon is Head of Talent & Culture at Critizr