JORDAN’S LIVED EXPERIENCE: I WAS FORTUNATE TO HAVE BEEN SO UNFORTUNATE.

A conversation with Prof. Lynn Davies

About Jordan

Jordan is a Senior Mentor and Facilitator at ConnectFutures with specialist skills in mentoring and facilitation to tackle exploitation and violence. He is also a youth worker.  He has an intersectional and inclusive approach to working with young people with a focus on behavioural change. As well as group sessions, he has had 6 years of experience of 1-2-1 mentoring, finding this the most impactful intervention of all.

Lived experience: Relatability with “challenging” young people.

Jordan’s childhood is replete with examples that allow him to connect and relate with the young people he now mentors.  From Jordan being sent home from nursery for fighting, to being regularly suspended from primary school, and living in a neighbourhood where everyday crime – including his own stealing of bikes and cars – was normalised, Jordan grew up with a sense that social rules didn’t apply to him. Surrounded by adults including friends’ parents taking and/or selling drugs, there was ‘absolute chaos’. Within this environment, Jordan became desensitised. At secondary school he was suspended on the first day for violence against students as well as for throwing a chair at a teacher.  He describes himself as angry, acting out and looking for attention. He was arrested for the first time at the age of 13, and then almost every year.  The first time he was stabbed was at the age of 15, and then at 16 and at 18.  In between there were sword fights and shootouts, with gang fights and postcode wars.

However, Jordan always felt he had some kind of guardian angel – and in this role, the head of year at his secondary school was the only one to believe in him.  Academically gifted, but with no respect for the law, he was kicked out in Year 11 but, because of his ability he was re-called back to do his GCSEs.

At the age of 18, Jordan changed his life.  It wasn’t a specific moment, rather a growing sense and tipping point that he didn’t want any more trouble on his doorstep, especially for his mum – and certainly no more armed police.  Jordan wanted more for himself. This personal decision resulted in a turnaround – he moved, signed up to college, and focussed on his physical and mental health, working, and seeking out successful mentors, learning business skills and changing his mindset. 

It’s not easy turning your life around; realities of a suspended sentence.

Despite these efforts, Jordan still had brushes with the police. Loyalty to friends meant continually being drawn back into doing something illegal.  Six years ago, at the age of 27, he was convicted with a suspended sentence, avoiding prison only because of the reliance his partner and small son had on him. 

However, even with a suspended sentence, reality hit. With his criminal conviction it was difficult to get a formal job until by chance he saw an advert by the charity St Giles Trust for ‘people with experience of the criminal justice system, to help young people’.  He was suspicious and sceptical but nonetheless applied, securing an interview and the job – despite still being tagged at the time of the interview! This final chance enabled him to cement the turnaround and for 2 years, Jordan ran a pilot project for them in Bedfordshire called SOS plus – a multi-agency project combating serious youth criminal exploitation. He now works with ConnectFutures as a youth facilitator and mentor as well as having his own business in promotions.  

Do you use this background in your training and mentoring of young people?

It’s important to me that my previous brushes with the law is not something I glamourise when talking to young people as young minds are impressionable. My values are such that I do whatever is needed to stop young people from making the same mistakes that I made.  One person might relate to being poor, to selling drugs, to stabbing, to gaming or just wanting to do better.  In some ways, I am fortunate to have been so unfortunate!

A relevant story is when I met a young kid. I loved him so much. His clothes were dirty and ripped – his parents were not financially broke but just about managing, which made him vulnerable.  He was an intellectual kid, but the reason I’d been brought in to mentor and talk to him by a school was because he was found with a knife on him.  Where he lived there was a lot of gang violence, so, unfortunately, he carried a knife to be safe. Understandably, his teacher was worried.  I told the young man that I had been stabbed multiple times and I still suffered the pain 15 years later.  I said to him that I thoroughly understood why carrying a knife would make him feel safe, but the reality is it makes you more of a target.  I explained to him that he was effectively saying to the criminals, ‘I am at your level of violence’, and they will see you as more of a threat.  If you haven’t got a knife, there is less likelihood of being stabbed and there is no vicious circle.   I saw him twice a week for 6-8 weeks and he demonstrated change towards the end of the mentoring.  He sent a message to the school, he told everyone, he was thinking the right way: ‘Tell Jordan he has changed my life’.  It was the best day I had.

What advice would you give to other people working with young people? 

Over the years, I’ve often reflected about emotions in this space. Every adult has been a child, and everyone has worked through becoming an adult.  Even if they’ve not been in a gang or carried a knife, just because someone does not have a criminal record, doesn’t mean they haven’t committed a crime.  All are possibilities.  Someone has tested you or made you angry.  So how do you regulate your emotions? Some young people don’t know how to express their emotions and need help.  They don’t know how to voice their emotions and instead they act in anger, act in panic – instead of saying ‘this situation makes me feel…..’ and stepping away from it if it is bad or dangerous.  The trick is being able to self-assess – ‘you know what, I was wrong’ – and take responsibility. Obviously, it’s not as simple as that, but I often talk to young people about what self-love and self-esteem means. ‘If you truly love yourself, then you would not do anything to harm yourself.  You want the best for yourself, not the worst’.   My way is child-focussed, working on what they can release, what they can unlock in themselves, asking ‘why am I behaving in this way?’ 

A reflective memory I share is when I was 13 and in isolation. Men in suits would come to see me and I would angrily swear at them.  I remember saying I want someone to listen to me. Every young person wants to be heard, even if they think they don’t.  Adults forget they were also children.  When you listen to a young person, I believe they have the solution, but they want to be heard too. I feel that adults interject too soon.  One of the greatest pieces of advice I had was that you are given two ears and one mouth for a reason!  Listen to them.  A kid carrying a knife may be because he is scared.  Most adults want to fix things without going to the root cause.  Kids sometimes see adults as authoritarian in approach.  For that reason, I believe that child would not tell them they were scared, as they may think they are going to get into trouble, that it’s not safe to share, or unintended consequences if they divulged even if they felt unsafe.  As educators, we must reflect on this. 

Interacting with non-verbal children in school-based training sessions

When I get challenged by a young person, I find it amusing because it’s easy for me to adapt to an individual young people’s issues due to my own background. The room is full of young people, with different backgrounds with all sorts of varying situations, so it’s important for me to tune in to pay attention and respond. I might have three students in a typical session that are non-verbal, so my sessions are interactive. So, for example, I might use my fingers, ask them to pick an option between 1 and 2, how do you want to learn this? Do you feel safe at home?  – thumbs up or down.  They could point to a slide they agree with.  The most important thing is learning styles, how people receive information – I’ve been trained in NLP (neuro-linguistic programming), which has a plethora of tools. The thing is to truly listen, simply ask – they might prefer a video or a picture. I want to empower everyone – everyone has their own version of events.  Then you can have a dialogue.  There is always one child sounding off.  I let them carry on and speak.  When they have finished `I say, OK, that was interesting but what do you think about this?’ and try to bring them back to the topic or to give an example.

In thinking about your life and your work, what’s your final message to young people? 

The life I live now is because of my previous life that I consciously left behind.  At school, I would pretend not to be hungry when I was, because I wanted to fit in with kids who had food or sweets.  I have partial paralysis in one leg because of the stabbing.  But there were always people who believed in me.  I proved I could do it, but the whole time I was thinking, I was no longer in debt, I have proved I could make my mark legally, I could do adult things and pay off overdrafts. I understood this adult thing, but what about the important part, to helping other people, to changing other people’s lives?  

I want to show ALL young people that there is a way, regardless of background. It may be many journeys. My message to youth is that there will be many rejections, but you need to be deliberate with your purpose. I have realised it was all about discipline and strategy.  And having people to listen.

What message would you give to adults or teachers?

They’re not rocket science and already familiar for many people but it’s important to truly tune in and listen; to not interject too soon; to find a way for young people to feel able to tell you they are scared, and finally to remember that you were once a child and how you felt.  and disconnection we aim to foster a more inclusive, understanding and connected society. 

NEW: Our Responding to the Riots workshop designed fo staff communities and students can be found here.

Both workshops are tailored and intended to support you to confidently address the fall-out surrounding acts of community violence, most notably the riots of August 2024. It will provide some contextual understanding of issues like Islamophobia and the Far Right, whilst equipping participants with the skills and confidence to support impacted young people; both those who were targets of hate and those involved in the violence. Our trainer will have lived experience.

At ConnectFutures, we create and deliver practically minded workshops that seek to develop a sense of citizenship, respect, and intolerance to hate that extends across on/offline worlds.

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