Joy-Hacking: How To Be More Joyful & Diagnose Joy Blockers in 6 Questions

If you’re lacking joy on a consistent basis in any aspect of your life, it’s more than likely that you’ve lost a connection with yourself. In my work, I describe losing yourself as disconnecting from your feelings, wants, needs and desires. It is subtle but easy to (unconsciously) do.

It happens gradually, often in the form of seemingly insignificant moments where someone ignores their feelings, wants or needs, usually in the face of other people, their environment, or in the midst of responsibilities or requests that are given to them.

It’s critical that you start to build awareness of these moments and pause, reflect and course-correct while they are happening in order to get the results that you really want. If not, you’re bound to end up in a relationship, job, career or group of friends that one day feels painfully hard and wrong (as I’ve experienced many times myself). This is the cost of not honoring your truth, your desires, what you think, or what you want and need.

This is the cost of not honoring your truth, your desires, what you think, or what you want and need.

Below are examples of what these moments may look like and a 6-question quiz to help you determine if you’re connected with yourself in your daily life.

At Work

Scenario: Your manager says, “you’re incredibly valuable and I was thinking you take on this new opportunity that will give you the visibility you need to get promoted.” In the moment your heart sinks and you think, “hmm, I really don’t have any excitement for that opportunity but I want to get promoted. Why? I don’t really feel that important in this organization and this will make me feel important. I should say yes.” You agree to take the opportunity; you say, “wow, thank you for thinking of me. I’d love to take that opportunity.”

The Divorce of Self: Focusing on your feelings of unimportance stops you from honoring the fact that this organization may not be the right place for you. To stay connected to who you are, honor your lack of excitement by declining to do the work and questioning if it’s what you should truly be doing.

In Your Relationship

Scenario: Your spouse or partner says, “I know you’re on a health kick and don’t want to eat sugar, but I’d really love to share this dessert with you. Will you take half?” You think, “I really don’t want to do this because my commitment to not eating sugar is really important to me, but I don’t want to make a big deal about it. I will just eat the sugar.” You assume your partner isn’t up for a deep conversation about why this matters so much to you or maybe you’re tired of explaining yourself.

The Divorce of Self: Owning your commitment and not giving in to a request from another is a powerful way to stay connected to yourself. Trust that those who truly value and care about you will honor, appreciate and support what is really important to you. 

In Your Friendships

Scenario: You’re on a retreat with your friends and you’re aware of your need for some alone time within the context of the group. You need a few hours of time to yourself a day but don’t honor it  because you’re worried that your friends may not understand or may take your need for alone time personally. You end the trip exhausted and depleted - you’re not sure if you can go away with this group of friends again.

The Divorce of Self: What you need to be rested, strong and whole is something you have to own. Your friends - if they are friends who truly have your best interests at heart - will honor your requests and be happy for you to get the time you need in the midst of time together. 

These are all examples of moments of separation from yourself where you have control yet you feel like a victim of circumstance. We are all different. What triggers each of us depends on our past, present, personality style, and Zone of Genius. What we have in common is that we all do it in some shape or form.

I hope this will inspire you to re-think these moments and truly own what you desire in all aspects of your life.

Quiz: How Connected To Yourself Are You In Your Life?

Here's a quick 6-question quiz to help you diagnose how often you’re losing yourself. Answer each question with yes or no.

1. You experience one or more parts of your life as painfully hard on a consistent basis (meaning it’s exhausting, draining and soul-sucking).
2. You experience a feeling of guilt when asking for what you want.
3. You often think, “I won’t speak up if there will be disagreement. I’d rather stay quiet”
4. Sometimes you feel the happiest when you’re alone because you don’t have to monitor your behavior based on others.
5. At times you struggle to articulate or know what it is you really want.
6. When asked what your value is to the world or what gives you purpose, you struggle and feel unclear.

If you answered “yes” to 3 or more questions then it’s probable that you’re not as connected to yourself as you could be. I’d love to help you with this. You can set up a consultation by clicking here.

About Laura

Laura Garnett is a performance strategist, mother, TEDx speaker, and author of "The Genius Habit" and “Find Your Zone of Genius.” She helps CEOs, executives, entrepreneurs, and teams fast-track their path to greatness in half the time they expect. She does this by teaching them the habit of being who they are, transforming the way they work and live.

She has consulted for organizations such as Google, Pandora, LinkedIn, and Splunk. Prior to launching her own company, New York City-based Garnett Consulting, she honed her marketing, strategy, and career skills at companies like Capital One, American Express, IAC, and Google.