Keep Job, Lose Leader

I'm chuffed to present the first Dear Heidi letter. This one is sure to be relatable to many at the mid to later points in their career, but will also touch upon points relevant to workers at all stages of their career.

Dear Heidi:

I work for a company that allows me the work-life balance that supports my family’s needs and also is promising a comfortable retirement when the time comes (10-15 years from now).

The problem is, I am not happy in my position. I have had my role changed twice in the last 3 years by the same leader and never by choice. My leader consistently “moves the goal posts” and most recently has moved major projects of mine to others without any formal process--it just happened.

As the saying goes, you don’t quit an organization; you quit your boss. But I don’t want to lose the equity/stability I have in my job by “quitting my boss”. How can I find career joy without jumping ship?

Signed,

Keep Job, Lose Leader

TL;DR version

1. Set the proper expectations about your career

2. Communicate without accusing

3. Document everything

4. Network internally

Dear Keep Job, Lose Leader:

I'm going to start off by hitting you with a hard truth:

Nobody cares about your career.

As much as you do.

Some of us may think that our leaders are invested in our careers, and many of them are, but only as much as it applies to their job. Because that's the nature of a people management role, especially in a corporate environment. Everyone is paid to do a job; they are not paid to care.

This might sound cynical and bitter, but I have observed it enough to believe it to be true. Additionally, I can attest to playing a part of this structure as a people manager myself. Fact is, caring about one's team members is not a business goal. It is not a quantitative measure.

Why am I telling you this? It's to help you reset your expectations about your boss' duties. Once you realize that your boss' actions aren't things they are doing TO YOU, but rather things they are doing that are in conflict with what you want, it will be easier for you to work toward improving your situation.

OK, let's get to actionable items: firstly, communication. Have you talked to your boss about these issues? Does s/he know that you're unhappy? Sometimes we assume that of course the person must know because how could they not? But see point one about how no one cares about your career more than you do. How you're feeling is not top of mind for your leader, not necessarily because they're a bad person, but because they're thinking about other things. Especially at your career stage, the expectation is that you've got a handle on things and if you do need help, you'll ask.

If you haven't already gone to your leader, it is important that you communicate in a way that doesn't sound accusatory. Just the facts. Present the challenges in a business context. "X happened and it is impeding me from achieving my goals because Y." In other words, try not to make it about you--or them, for that matter. Express your discontent as a problem to be solved in order to keep progressing toward improvement for all.

Let's say you have spoken to your leader about this issue and they don't seem to care. This is where documentation comes in. Write down the story of how you got to where you are today. Note down dates and use STAR format, as you would in an interview: What was the Situation, what Tasks did you take on, what Actions did you take, and what were the Results. Do this so that you have a clear timeline of when the problem started, as well as what part you played in it. Documenting the situation can help give you a different perspective and clear your head of emotions surrounding the matter. It's also an important tool to have should formal action be taken down the road.

It can also help to talk to someone you trust within the organization, preferably someone at the same level as your leader, who would have your leader's same perspective, but is removed from the scenario. They might be able to give you important insights as to why some things may be happening that your leader is not telling you. If your organization has a mentorship program, make use of it to find someone to whom you can speak.

In addition, networking internally and getting yourself and your work known in the organization could come in handy if you do decide that you simply cannot stay in your current role. Moving internally is way easier than jumping ship, especially since you have equity built up and the culture suits your lifestyle.

Finally, consider the idea that your choice does not have to be binary: deal or quit. There are other options available to make your job less of an emotional labour.

Do you have a question about work you'd like to ask anonymously? Send me a private message. We'll collaborate to anonymize your question, then I'll share it to try and help you and others.