Know Thyself - Needs

Writing Genie and I decided to explore Needs and what it means for us. When needs are mentioned, Maslow’s hierarchy of needs immediately pop into our heads. Obviously we are well past the physiological and safety needs. I could not be writing now if these needs were not fulfilled. There were times, in the civil war in Sri Lanka, that the safely need was challenged severely. It was again tested severely as I was in Sri Lanka, when the coordinated bombs went off in Colombo. It was an eerie feeling of going back to where it all started in the early eighties.   

Belonging needs, that too is a tick. These needs if not fulfilled properly can land us in big trouble. Psychological and mental health issues can eventuate if not handled correctly. Having a great partner and good friends/relatives is a gift from the universe. In my view, quality is much more potent than quantity when we come to the question of relationships. No point having energy vampires in our lives. I make it a point to delete such folk as best as I can. Unfortunately, some we cannot do away with for moral reasons. Those we must manage appropriately. It is great to have a good support network of people who care and have our best interests at heart. But as I travel the path within, I realise, we must walk our own path alone, just like Rumi says.   

Esteem needs, this is a substantial chunk. So much so we need to break it down to explore if we tick the boxes. Self-esteem, status and respect. Powerful concepts and essential ingredients for someone’s self-confidence and well-being. Self-esteem, I explored deeply with the help of a tool I found on the net. Seems that I came up with the goods regarding living with self- acceptance, self-responsibility, self-assertiveness, being of value to family and friends and practicing integrity. Now if you ask me the question if I worked systematically to achieve these measures, the answer is no. It is best not to follow by stumbling around in this respect and be intentional about building self-esteem.   

Status is an interesting topic. Personally, I care nought to be of high status. I am just me and am happy to hobnob with the everyone. In fact, high society gives me the heebie jeebies. The thing that matters is that folk view me as a person of integrity and who lives her values. So, in effect, this need is non-essential to me. Respect is something that must be earned. We must work on this consistently. We are the custodians of the respect we receive.   

Freedom to operate is another part of esteem needs. I was mistaken in the past, thinking that I could control all events around me and have the freedom to operate as I choose. As I gained maturity, I recognised, the environment also influences how we experience and respond to situations. In some cases, I mitigate the pain points, in others I put up with it or chose to flee. We choose our options and live with the consequences. Freedom to operate, cannot be guaranteed. We influence as best as we can.   

Another whopper is the self-actualisation needs. To become the most, we can be. I wonder how many know the full extent of their inner potential. With me, it has been a kind of a haphazard discovery where I fell into finding myself. Have I discovered my full potential? I would think not. The more we explore within and find different things to try out, we may find more gold nuggets. At least that is my experience. That is how I found out my writing genie and my love to nudge folk to think in my fifties. I am happy to explore further, so I can discover further slumbering genies inside. Some may prove to be fake, but one must try. The key here is to have an open mind and a growth mindset.   

Finding higher purpose and contributing is another need under this category. This is a moving beast. I wrote about this earlier. To quote from my previous article “purpose is not something that one finds easily. We must invest the time to really understand what our essence is.It is a journey within and it takes time and patience. There is no prescription to be followed. Each journey is paved by unique life experiences, consciousness and above all, the will of the universe” As such purpose will continue to morphe as we progress in life.   

So, you can see, the needs as we progressively get higher on the pyramid is more complex and most of the answers lie within. Satisfying our needs lies squarely in our hands.   

Most people have wants and needs. Needs must be fulfilled for well being, while wants are desires that are not essential. Some people do not know the difference between the two. Being a minimalist, I have very few wants. As such I have no trouble differentiating between the two. Anything that is not essential for me is a want. I can do without it.   

There are some needs, we do not know about too. A classic is what I found in my start-up journey. There are people out there who need help in targeting and finding the right jobs. But they do not know their need and hope that a magic bullet will get them their jobs. Extremely hard to detect what our hidden needs are.   

Finally, as I progress through life, the urge to find out why we are here and what next is gaining momentum. This is the transcendence needs in the enhanced Maslow's version. Our spiritual need to find out how we fit into the universe. This is a journey within for sure and I believe one cannot force the answers. For me, reading stoic philosophy and reflective writing is helping find a little bit more in this journey. I suspect this will be a long drawn-out process. Maturity and meaning will come as I progress.   

Unravelling my needs pyramid has been fun. More like peeling an onion to do a health check on my needs. Some came up as healthy, while others still a mystery. I am comfortable with taking time to decipher these mysterious needs at the top of the pyramid. Will give me something to do as I get older.   

Where to you stand with your needs?   

Are you clear on what they entail?   

How would you go about ticking more of your needs?   

Do we benefit from reducing needs or they fundamental?   

How would you go about identifying hidden needs?