Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life by:Martin E. P. Seligman.

It’s impossible to achieve long-term success as long as we are pessimistic

Success is often attached to talent and hard work, but one aspect of hard work many people overlook is confidence. Confidence is the main component of optimism; it is the foundation on which it is laid. Unless we are confident, we will find it hard to overcome obstacles.

Confidence is what makes us push forward, even when things seem hard. It’s the driving force that makes us successful in school, at work, or in our businesses. Pessimism, on the other hand, kills all of our confidence.

Without confidence, we lack self-control and the will to keep going. We blame ourselves for everything, and we are quickly drawn into a depressive state that can become very devastating. We become hopeless, and we place little to no value on ourselves. Pessimism is not an ideal way of life, and it should be disputed as much as possible.

Martin Seligman’s belief that we should all embrace optimism should resonate in our hearts. Learned optimism is possible because our explanatory style can be changed with consistent determination.

With optimism, our options are limitless, and we can truly develop the world for ourselves and the coming generations.

Pessimism and optimism are the two major ways humans view life

Most of the things we do come from our choice between these two ways of life.

A pessimist is one who views life from the negative side at all times. He’s always thinking about the worst-case scenario, and he’s always far from being confident.

An optimist, on the other hand, is more concerned about the positive aspects of life. He’s not deterred by failure, and he sees every action as a learning experience.

Two parents watched their new baby in her early days. The father noticed that their little girl didn’t respond to sounds, and he automatically assumed that she was deaf. He referred to his deaf grandfather and told his wife that he was responsible for the child’s deafness. On the other hand, the mother was calm and collected; she believed that her child was not deaf, but that she was not yet used to responding to noise. Both parents consulted a physician, and even though the physician said the child was okay, the father was still not satisfied. He assumed the worst and feared greatly until he fell into depression. After some days, however, the child started responding to sounds, proving the mother and the physician right.

A lot of us exhibit the father’s behavior in many areas of our lives. Like all pessimists, the father automatically assumed the worst and blamed himself for a terrible situation. Pessimism kills our confidence and replaces it with blame. We are always quick to focus on the negative side of things, and that’s a very wrong way to approach life.

Pessimism plants depression and helplessness into our hearts when we embrace it. As humans, we have been socially conditioned to view failure as a lack of talent and hard work, but this is not entirely true.

Failure can happen even when we are talented and hardworking — what makes us better is our ability to overcome that failure by being optimistic.

One of the many things we fail to understand in life is that we can control helplessness once we put our minds to it. The first step to doing this is to know why we are helpless. Helplessness occurs when we resign to fate because we believe that we are powerless to change anything. It shuts our eyes and mind to other available options, thereby limiting our chances of escaping. When we realize what makes us helpless, we can make conscious efforts to fight it and become stronger.

The way we explain bad experiences to ourselves goes a long way in determining how we react to a situation

If you give people something as a reward for completing a task, they’ll most likely continue doing that task to get more rewards. However, if you stop the reward, the people are going to react in two different ways. Some people will stop making any effort to continue the task, while others will continue the task, believing that it’s only a minor setback.

Our systematic way of accepting and explaining adverse events goes beyond the words we mouth when we fail or falter. The way we explain negative things to ourselves is a habit of thought, learned in our childhood, and adolescence. Our explanatory style comes directly from our view of our place in society. It distinguishes us from being seen as pessimistic or optimistic, and it makes us know whether we think we are valuable or worthless.

There are three essential dimensions to our explanatory style, and they are; permanence, pervasiveness, and personalization.

• Permanence: Pessimists give up quickly because they believe that the causes of the bad events that happen to them are permanent. To them, bad events will persist; therefore, it will always be there to affect their lives. Optimists, on the other hand, resist helplessness and believe that the causes of bad events are temporary.

• Pervasiveness: Pervasiveness is all about time and mindset. Some people have developed the ability to put their troubles neatly into a confined space and go about their lives, although one crucial aspect is in disarray. Some are not blessed with this ability, and they make sure that all other areas of their lives suffer when one is in disarray. The first set of people are those believed to make specific explanations while the latter are those who make universal explanations. To think positively, we must learn to do away with universal explanations and embrace specific ones.

• Personalization: When negative things happen, we can blame ourselves (internalize) or blame other people or circumstances (externalize) for our misfortunes. Those who blame themselves when things go wrong to develop low self-esteem as a consequence. They automatically think they are worthless and of no value.

People who blame external events do not develop low self-esteem because they are confident of bouncing back.

Pessimism can lead to depression and death if we don't change it early

When we are in a pessimistic, sad state, we are going through a smaller version of a prevalent major mental disorder known as depression. Depression is a large-scale mental illness that takes a heavy toll on its victim. It can be mild but also very devastating, and what’s worrying is that it’s prevalent in our society. Almost all of us have gone through depression one way or another, and we know how bad it affects our daily life. For some of us, depression is a rare experience that descends on us only when several of our best hopes all fail. For many others, it is a state that affects them every time they are soundly defeated. For some set of people, it is a constant companion, draining the joy from even their best times and darkening the grayer times to a deeper black.

Depression comes in three kinds for us, and they are; normal depression, unipolar depression, and bipolar depression.

Normal depression is a common type of depression, and it is the type that we are very familiar with. It comes from the pain and loss that we experience every day, which are inevitable parts of our lives. As humans, we are always thinking about our future, and this sets us up for plenty of disappointments. Normal depression sets in when we don’t get the jobs we want, when our stocks go down, when we get rejected by people we love or our loved ones die.

The other two kinds of depression are called depressive disorders. Both unipolar and bipolar depressions are similar, but they are separated by one significant difference — mania. Mania is a psychological condition with symptoms that look like the opposite of depression or melancholy. It is aggravated and unwarranted euphoria, bloated grandiosity, volatile or violent action, and inflated self-esteem.

Bipolar depression is one that involves mania in its patients. This type of depression can be very devastating and can lead to death. We must be cautious in handling trauma and pain in our lives. Unless we see failure as a stepping stone and not a finite result, we’ll always be at the mercy of depression.

Depression is an epidemic of learned helplessness. People go into depression when they believe that all their efforts would prove futile.

Depression could be caused by defeat, failure, loss, and the consequent belief that any actions taken will be futile. To overcome depression, we must make sure that we know it’s okay to try again.

Did you know? Approximately 80% of people with depression reported some level of functional impairment because of their depression, and 27% reported serious difficulties in work and home life.

How we think and how we feel contribute immensely to our mental health

Elite researchers like Sigmund Freud, Carl Jung, Albert Elis, and Aaron T. Beck have successfully facilitated the development of treatments for depression and psychological issues. Through their works and continual research, they have been able to demystify depression and show to the world that negative thinking can be changed to positive thinking. The biomedical school believed that depression was a disease in the body, while the Freudian scholars thought that it was an act of anger turned upon one’s self. While the biomedical school wanted to treat depression like any other illness, the Freudian theory proposed that patients should let it all out until it’s over. In Freud’s case, the most common result was death. It’s the combination of the biomedical theory and the Freudian theory that new researchers Albert and Beck used to kick-start a new way of understanding depression.

Our fear of what will happen influences what’s happening to us. Once we remove the phobia in us, we are closer to overcoming depression.

Negative thoughts can be very telling on us emotionally and physically. The less we think of ourselves, the more we sink into the abyss of mental disorders.

We must control our reactions to things because they determine our emotional intelligence. Most of the things we worry about are things that are beyond our influence and control. Worry should only be encouraged if it will trigger a response that would affect the current situation. For example, worrying about someone else’s sickness doesn’t do any good to you or the person. Instead of worrying, take actionable steps to make sure that the person has everything they need to facilitate their recovery.

It is essential to seek professional medical help from people who understand the intricacies of depression. Cognitive therapy gives us the chance to review our emotional stance and make conscious efforts towards adopting positive thoughts.

Develop mantras and start meditations to clear your mind and soul. Shy away from negative analogies and be more positive about yourself.

Treating depression is not enough

Much of psychotherapy is focused on getting depressed people out of depression, but what about sustaining optimism in people so that they do not become depressed at all? This question eluded the author, Martin Seligman until he met a man during a flight to Philadelphia from San Francisco. The man, John Leslie, struck a conversation with an irritated Martin and piqued his interest with his introduction. The sixty-year-old Leslie told Martin, “I raise horses. When I come to a crossroad, all I have to do is think which way I want the horse to go, and he goes that way. In my job, I raise men — and all I have to do is think what I want them to do, and they do it.”

The ensuing conversation after the introduction opened Martin to a new wave of reality — we focus more on curing depression and paying little attention to preventing it. Optimists generally do better in life — they are more brilliant, more likely to succeed, and have a higher chance of living longer.

Optimism requires persistence and determination. It’s easier to fall into depression than to remain positive.

We must always find ways to celebrate ourselves and enjoy our victories, no matter how small they are. By understanding the virtue of pessimism along with its pervasive, devastating consequences, we can learn to resist pessimism’s constant callings. We can learn to choose optimism for the most part, but also to heed pessimism when it is warranted.

The choices we make as adults can reflect on our kids. Unlike adults, children cannot sustain hopelessness for a long time. The average child, though, often depressed, is always looking forward to a better tomorrow.

Children don’t just listen to what adults say; they listen to how they say it, and when they say it. Children are quick to notice favoritism because they pay attention to our actions and how we talk to them. If we are always dejected and resigned in front of them, they’ll likely copy our model and become pessimistic.

Our explanatory style affects the way our kids view life. The way we talk to them, the way we criticize them, and how we teach them to see life gives them a foundation on which to build their lives on.

When applied, optimism has the power to change us from losers to winners in every area of our lives

You might wonder, “How does a child’s explanatory style affect his performance in the classroom?” As mentioned earlier, pessimists wallow in defeat and find it hard to bounce back while optimists see defeat as a minor setback that can be brushed aside. In the classroom, the best awards go to the kids who are not put back by failure or defeat.

One particularly useful way of handling negative self-talk is by using the ABC technique, developed by psychologist Albert Ellis. This technique involves three steps: adversity, belief, and consequence.

• Adversity: Someone you love doesn’t return your phone calls
• Belief: He or she doesn’t like me, my jokes are not funny, I’m ugly
• Consequence: You feel sad and depressed all-day

Changing the way we think determines the kind of day we will have. When we flip the ABC technique to look positive, we have something like this:

• Adversity: Someone you love doesn’t return your calls
• Belief: Maybe he/she is busy or unavailable
• Consequence: Unbothered because he/she will call back later

Alan was a nine-year-old boy who struggled to grasp primary education. However, he was excellent in drawing and was the best in his art class. When Alan was ten, his parents separated, and he fell into depression. He blamed himself for their separation and thought of himself as a failure. His art teacher refused to give up on him, and with persistence, she changed Alan’s explanatory style. When children are down and dejected, it’s not advisable to continue to suppress them. They need to know that not everyone can learn quickly and that they are not hopeless or worthless.

Pessimism kills confidence in children and makes them depressed. As adults, we need to be optimistic around them to give them a sense of hope.

As can be seen in sports too, great teams who win consistently are composed of optimistic individuals. The more confident a team or an individual is, the higher their chances of winning consistently. An athlete who believes he can’t win, won’t win. The best athletes in the world have failed countless times, but what makes them stand out is the power of positive thinking.

We need to convince ourselves that we are good enough to win, to increase our chances of winning.

Optimism also leads to good health, while pessimism can cause devastating illnesses in our bodies. Our health is delicately connected with what goes on in our environment, which means that external factors can affect the way we think. Pessimism conditions the brain to be docile and weak, setting it up for attacks from mental and physical illnesses. When the mind is used to being redundant, it barely takes action against attacks to the body.

In choosing a leader, people are more drawn to optimistic people than those who are less confident of themselves

A lot of politicians employ tactical empathy as a way of buying their way into people’s hearts. Tactical empathy involves playing yourself down to a vulnerable state so that people would pity you in advance for the mistakes you’ll make. This approach only brings negative results, and in most cases, leads to defeat.

When people want to choose a leader, they are more interested in how they carry themselves and how they inspire others. When you check the speeches of past losers in the US presidential campaigns and that of the winners, you will see a stark contrast in how much they believe in themselves. Optimism sells your idea better to the people because they are assured of a response from you when things go awry.

Pessimism and optimism have given us a platform on which we can predict future events using our history. We know that optimistic people are more likely to succeed in life, while the pessimistic ones end up wallowing in defeat. Using this analogy, we can predict who will be successful, what jobs would make us better, and the type of people we should work with.

Life issues the same setbacks and disasters on the optimist as on the pessimist, but the optimist weathers the storm better. As we have seen, the optimist recovers from defeat, and, with his life somewhat more miserable, he picks up and tries again. The pessimist gives up and falls into depression. Because of his resilience, the optimist achieves more in life. There are many reasons why you should use optimism and discard pessimism. You must use optimism if you want to:

• Get a promotion
• Fight depression
• Become a leader and inspire others
• Continue winning, etc.

However, you must avoid using optimism if you want to:

• Plan for a risky or uncertain future
• Appear sympathetic, etc.

Our life is a delicate balance between pessimism and optimism. Knowing when to use each approach is essential to our growth and happiness.

We must teach our children how to unlearn pessimism so that they can excel better in life

If a child can learn pessimism, then he can also unlearn it. A child needs to learn optimism from a very young age so that he’ll be able to cope with adversity and oppression. As adults, we are majorly responsible for creating a model for children to copy. A kid born into a home where everyone is optimistic will find it easier to develop faster and win more in life. We must teach our children how to think and react to situations. We must make them realize that blaming themselves all the time will only set them down the path of depression. They must be reminded that action, and not worry changes a thing. They must also learn that nothing is absolute and that it’s okay to make mistakes in life. Kids hate it when they fail, and unless they are taught optimism, they’ll find it hard to try again.

The world is a competitive market, and everything you do, someone else is elsewhere trying to better it. That moment when you are too tired and fed up to try again, another person is soaring on, undeterred by the obstacles that have blocked you. It then happens that when you finally wake up from your slumber, your competitor has cleared all the stages, leaving you with nothing. It’s okay to get tired, but giving up should be the last resort.

Optimism gives you the required push to start and execute a job no matter how tough it is.

Anytime you face adversity, listen carefully to your explanations of it. When these explanations are pessimistic, actively dispute them. Use evidence, alternatives, implications, and usefulness as guidelines when you dispute your explanations. Employ the use of distraction if necessary.

We have more to choose from in this generation than any other generation. We have so many options at our disposal that we never seem to be satisfied. It also made us more conscious of ourselves and less conscious of our environment. We are so involved in ourselves that when things go wrong, we are mostly alone without true friends. The epidemic of depression stems from the much-noted rise in individualism and the decline in the commitment to the common good.

Unless we change the way we view things to work with a positive mindset, we’ll never be able to grasp the importance of optimism fully.