A Lesson in Leadership from an Airplane Armrest

Today, I want to share a recent experience that got me thinking about leadership and our reactions to stress and fatigue. It happened on a flight from IAD to IAH, right after a grueling 12-hour journey from Lagos, Nigeria.

So there I was, in my window seat, already dreading the next few hours. Then, my seat neighbor arrives and immediately claims both armrests. My first reaction? Really?!? (followed by an exasperating sign) Frustration set in. So, I texted my partner about how this seemed selfish and disrespectful.

The kicker is that my brain was telling me I had the 'right' to feel this way. I mean, I'm tired from the red-eye over the Atlantic; I had a busy three days in Lagos, and now this! But wait... I have the right to feel any way that I want. Because, as I teach my clients, these emotions come from my thoughts. If I were to look for another perspective, I could feel differently and thus act differently.

So, here's what I did next...

I paused. Instead of snapping or stewing in silence, I gave myself a moment to step back from my knee-jerk reaction. And in that pause, something changed.

He pulled a bag of snacks from his bag, which looked like they might've been served on his previous flight. How did I know? I recognized it from my previous flight. What are the odds? So, I leaned in and asked, 'Did you just come from an international flight?' This gentleman responded, "Yes, Lagos."  I said, "I recognize the snacks."  

We started chatting first about his journey through customs. You see, he didn't breeze through customs like I did with Global Entry. He'd been stuck there for over two hours while I was in the United Club eating a hot breakfast, brushing my teeth, and changing my clothes. His wait meant he missed the chance to freshen up or grab a decent meal. 

Suddenly, my narrative shifted from annoyance to empathy. He wasn't trying to be difficult; he was just exhausted and probably needed comfort as much as I did.

This made me reflect on a couple of crucial questions for us as leaders:

• How often do we let our immediate reactions color our judgment of others?
• How do our thoughts and moods get in the way of showing up as the person we want to be?
• What impact could a moment of pause have on our decision-making and relationships?

Leadership isn't just about making decisions; it's about making considered decisions that reflect our best selves and respect the stories of those around us. Every interaction is an opportunity to practice the kind of leadership that builds bridges rather than erects barriers.

Next time you find yourself ready to react, maybe take a beat. What you discover in that space might surprise you.

Let's aim to lead with empathy and understanding, especially when it's hard to do so.

Looking forward to hearing your thoughts and experiences below with taking a pause in your leadership journey!