Let's Talk about Socks

As many of you can relate, I am at home a lot. I work here, I live here, I raise a family here, I sleep here. I entertain here… yada, yada, yada. And if there is one thing that takes up an inordinate amount of my time at home, it’s picking up others' stuff. The most offensive of the stuff are discarded socks.

And it’s not just the picking up of the socks and the placing in the basket or on the rightful foot's owner. It is the managing of the socks- the transporting to the washer, the drying, the matching, the putting away of the socks, the reminding my kids that socks actually are in fact clean and in their drawers, only to then see that very sock tossed aside carelessly in the middle on the floor, or under the coffee table.  

I pick them up with a huff and a scowl.

And then, after so many socks (approximately 3-5 socks within 1 business day) I get annoyed.

I threaten to throw the socks away (to which no one cares).

I tell myself I am not going to wash their socks anymore, and passively aggressively count down the years until they can do laundry on their own (approximately 5 years).

I realize I could stop picking the socks up, but hell would just as much freeze over if I am going to let a sock sit under my glass coffee table in plain sight. It’s offensive.

After I have sufficiently exhausted my tolerance for socks, I move on to the judgement phase. Don’t they understand how lucky they are to have such nice socks, that they simply toss aside?

No one appreciates these socks.

And you know what, they don’t appreciate that these socks are cleaned and sorted and put away for them---by me!

I could be doing other things with my time.

I could go to brunch.

I could go to a movie.

I could do hot yoga at that bougie studio and learn how to do side-flying-crow.

I could work more.

But instead, I make dirty socks clean, only to have them tossed aside.

What is happening to me?

Every sock on the floor is a representation of moments I will never get back. A life not fully lived.

Talent not fully recognized.

My eulogy will be super generic, and everyone will talk about how much I had an orderly home that was essentially sock-free, until it wasn’t and then everyone became human punching bags…and now everyone has mommy issues.  

What am I doing with my life?

No one appreciates anything I do!

They don’t appreciate me!

What ungrateful, spoiled brats I am raising.

How are my kids going to be independent adults?

Why does my spouse not care?

I am failing as a mother.

I am failing as a person.

Why is my husband so chill?! Doesn’t he see the gradual demise of our family?

“What’s wrong?” he has the nerve to ask, as I am rage cleaning.

I erupt. “No one appreciates me! I am taking my life back! There is more to life than socks.”

He looks at me and laughs an endearing chuckle. I want to hiss. Instead, I stomp upstairs like a petulant child and slam the door, because I need a time-out. After 5-8 nose-breaths, I realize, this isn’t really about the socks. It never is.

So, let’s talk about “socks."

We all have socks, or something else that takes up energy that makes us think- is this really my life? It’s something so insignificant yet it holds space in your one, beautiful life where other things that are truly important to you don’t. Things that require more intention, energy and are less obvious than a white sock under your coffee table (or annoying person, place or thing under your skin). Things like creating, connecting, experiencing- or just smiling and laughing more.

The only person who can make the choice to shift your precious non-renewable time to those things that aren’t “socks” is you. You can create boundaries. You can change your perception. You can care less. You can drop the ball and let someone else pick it up. You can own the fact that you may have, like I, spent time managing the “socks” (or insert grievance here) instead of other things that bring you joy.

So here are some suggestions to handle with those "socks" (or whatever else is ailing you):

Stop taking “socks” personal

Whatever you’re dealing with (big or small), you can either administer boundaries, accept it and let it go, like Elsa. That starts with not taking what ails and annoys you as a personal threat. These socks aren’t out to get me. Neither are my precious, adorable kids. These socks don’t mean I am unloved and my kids are awful. They are socks. Just like it’s a meeting, it’s an opinion, it’s a less than stellar co-worker you work with, it’s a rotten pear, it’s a pair of ill-fitting pants. If we make these ailments into more, we are heading down a road to misery.  A sock under the table does not mean that no one loves you. Your kid’s outburst at school does not make you not a bad mom. Your pants are super tight, and you’re still beautiful. Your boss interrupts you, and you’re still brilliant. You didn’t get the job and you’re still a rock star.

Mind your own business

Those socks are not mine, and everyone knows it. That opinion that annoys you is not your opinion. That team member who doesn’t listen is not you. That boss who is a poor leader is not the boss of you. Don’t make what is not your business, your business. You’re responsible for your words, thoughts and actions and that’s all. Isn’t that empowering? When you continue to make things your business that aren’t, you are stuck in a world of hurt. When you empower yourself to mind your business, and make changes you can make, you are empowered. Your anger turns to purposeful action.

Accept the drudgery  

Life is not all about boarding one private jet to another to Tahiti and jumping from one vacation to the next, despite all the influencers you follow with tans in January.  Even Jennifer Aniston has to do annoying things, like put her own collagen in her coffee every morning (and maybe wash her own mug, but I seriously doubt it). Change takes work and is filled with a ton of boring tasks.

Anywhoo, many meditation gurus, yogis and other sages credit presence in the small tasks to providing immense peace and even joy! So-called “meaningless” tasks can be an opportunity for mindfulness and actually bring a sense of stability to an otherwise chaotic, uncertain reality. Think of it as yoga without the poses.  So maybe the socks could be an opportunity for me to remember to breathe, to note their cheerful print, to feel their softness….if it’s not picking up the socks, perhaps it’s washing the dishes, or folding the clothes, breathing in a meeting when you want to hurl. Who knows, maybe I will be grateful for these socks, because they remind me my house is filled with people who love me, and who I deeply love- what a gift-shift.

But on the days that you are feeling very drained, and have to choose between laundry and a latte, remember….

Self-less isn’t a compliment

As women, we are socialized to give until everyone is happy: fulfill the duties of a wife, mom, employee, boss. We give and serve as a birthright. Sometimes it’s rewarding and sometimes it is draining. As working moms, we give a-friggin-lot. But there’s a point of diminishing return. When you deny your joy, act like a martyr, do things with a sense of resentment vs. loving service, you’re just going to act like a big ole brat. You may lie to yourself and say that you’re entirely self-less, like that’s a good thing. But it’s not. When you feel like you’re starting to play the violins for yourself and play the victim, that’s usually a sign to say HELL NO and say HELL YES to something that brings your joy.

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