LinkedIn: The New Land of Selfies, Slogans, and Sanctimony

So, you’ve just earned your MBA and feel it’s time to share this milestone with your LinkedIn network. You’re debating between a conservative headshot, maybe a photo in your graduation gown holding your certificate, or perhaps an understated yet confident post highlighting your achievement. Then there’s the other extreme: going full Jenny.

Jenny—our hypothetical LinkedIn anti-hero—missed the memo about professional networks. Jenny hasn’t achieved much in the last year but thinks nothing of uploading a sultry, heavily-filtered montage of herself, complete with pouty lips, red stilettos, and a caption like, “Living my best life—upwards and onwards!” This is LinkedIn, not Love Island, Jenny. Yet, somehow, her post will get comments like, “Slay queen! Go get ’em!” What does that even mean? Is it some professional networking code I haven’t cracked?

LinkedIn, the business Facebook, is brimming with this nonsense these days. Like its social media cousins—Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter—LinkedIn is a platform where users seem increasingly confused about its purpose. It’s supposed to connect professionals, help people find jobs, share insights, and grow networks. Yet, as I scroll my feed, I see fewer business insights and more cringe-worthy posts that belong anywhere but here.

The Montages and Exaggerations

We all know LinkedIn is rife with embellishments. I once saw someone turn “working the drive-thru at McDonald’s” into: “Associate at a multinational firm in the service industry with revenue exceeding $20 billion. Liaised with the automotive sector.” Technically accurate, I suppose, but let’s not pretend bagging burgers is the same as corporate deal-making.

But honestly, exaggerations like this don’t bother me. It’s LinkedIn, after all. Self-branding is part of the game. No, what drives me to the brink are the amateur selfie montages, shaky iPhone videos, and posts that scream, “Look at me!” LinkedIn is not TikTok or YouTube, so please stop using it as such.

The Oversharers

Then there are the over sharers. “My son just graduated, and I’m the proudest mum!” That’s great—really, it is—but LinkedIn isn’t the place. Post those family milestones on Facebook or WhatsApp groups. LinkedIn is not the platform for your holiday snaps, your latte art, or your thoughts on avocado toast.

And don’t get me started on the shallow quotes slapped onto unrelated photos. You know the ones: “Friends are the bacon bits in the salad bowl of life.” I still don’t know whether bacon bits are the heroes or villains of the salad world, and frankly, I don’t care. If your post involves salad metaphors, faux-philosophy, or a gratuitous selfie, it’s time to rethink your LinkedIn strategy.

Religious Sermons and Sanctimonious Selfies

Ah, and then there’s the religious tone-deafness. A recent post read: “Sometimes God doesn’t remove your problems; he makes a way through them!” Lovely sentiment, but this is LinkedIn, a platform built on the principles of diversity and inclusion. Perhaps save that for your church bulletin?

Or how about the glossy, hyper-curated posts from people who’ve clearly booked a photographer to capture their “authentic” moment of reflection? “This year has been tough, but I’ve grown so much. Remember to rest this weekend.” That’s rich coming from someone who looks like they’ve just stepped out of a fashion shoot. Rest? I need to rest from your sanctimony.

The Commentariat Circus

Of course, these posts wouldn’t thrive without the peanut gallery in the comments section. There’s always someone chiming in with, “You look stunning!” or, “Such an inspiration!” These aren’t professional connections—they’re cheerleaders feeding the beast of narcissism.

Let’s Bring LinkedIn Back to Basics

I’m not against celebrating achievements or sharing milestones. But LinkedIn should be a space for meaningful professional exchange—ideas, insights, and connections. Let’s leave the vanity montages, random quotes, and latte pics to other platforms.

As I write this, I’m scrolling LinkedIn, multitasking like the modern professional I am, and see: “Kindly show my page some love,” alongside a dour selfie. Why? Who asked for this? And yet, it already has 22 likes and counting. I give up. Maybe I should post a selfie from my couch with the caption, “Considering a lie-down after scrolling LinkedIn.” Think it’ll go viral?