Living Our Values: Our Family Gap Year

I’ve been thinking about taking a “year off” with my family for so long, it’s hard to remember when I haven’t dreamt of whisking us out of our daily routines and plunging all four of us into an adventure that would be filled with wonder, out of the ordinary challenges, and a reevaluation of our values. The dream became a reality last year and without a doubt we leaned heavily into three key values during our gap year as a family: persistence, patience, and play.

On December 25, 2022, our family of four (me, my husband, our 12-year old son, and our 10-year old daughter) stepped onto a plane bound for Auckland, New Zealand. We were beginning our year-long travel adventure. We had been preparing for months (and in a way, for years).

We redistributed and disposed of hundreds of pounds of books, clothing, and furniture. We budgeted. We sold a car and hired a company to Airbnb our home. We added a storage unit to the storage unit we already had (yes, that’s right, so then we had two storage units). We budgeted again. We bought our flights, booked the places we would stay, and put deposits down on some of our bigger adventures. Then, we packed and took off. What a dream! 

Except that two weeks before we left, the original flight we had booked to New Zealand six months earlier, with miles, was canceled. Our grand kickoff, our celebration, our chance to take a deep breath and revel in all of our hard work vanished in the time that it took to open up an email message from Air Canada. We had rooms arranged, car rental dates, and tours set all based on arriving in Auckland on a certain day. After discovering that we could not begin our “year of travel”, I was panicked and frustrated. “Why was this happening? What should we do? How do we move forward?” 

If persistence is a value, it means you keep going. You are not deterred. You doggedly nudge, search, and push forward.

After I calmed down, I was not deterred. I scoured the internet for hours, looking for flights from Chicago to Auckland within a 3-day window. At midnight, I found flights from Chicago to Auckland for $444/pp (right now, one-way flights are approximately $1100)! 

Then, there were many times during our travels when persistence was not enough. On our way from Antananarivo, Madagascar to Paris, France, we had a stopover in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. Our Ethiopian Airlines flight from Addis to Paris took off at 11 pm. Twenty minutes later, a few passengers started to throw up, we turned right around. (Apparently, the equipment that keeps the airplane pressure stable was broken.) We arrived back at Addis Ababa at 12 am. We proceeded to wait at the airport for 5 hours. At 5 am, we were told to go to a hotel and return to the airport at 11 am the following day to continue our journey. We arrived at the hotel at 8:00 am. At 10:30 am, we headed back to the airport. When we arrived, we were told there was no flight to Paris scheduled. Whaaaaaaaaat?

Patience means you can tolerate suffering without becoming angry. To me, it means that underneath it all you believe that no matter what happens you will be able to adjust, adapt, and be nimble. Having patience means you suffer less. 

I ran around the airport demanding someone tell us that a plane was taking off. Much like the airplane from the night before, I was heading for a nervous system shutdown. We did take off at 1 pm. Real patience comes from inner resources and emotional regulation. Our family is watering the seeds of this value with the hope that we will be able to express it more fully. 

Throughout our year, I’ve found that play can be a path to patience. We’ve played board games, hand games, mind games, and playground games in every location you can imagine - airports, airplanes, boats, mountain ranges, hotels, one-room dorms, homes, buses, trains, and on and on. 

Play is the act of engaging in activity for pleasure; without any practical purpose. Play is imaginative, risk-taking, and adventurous. Play is being on a zipline above the Andes, 90% sure you’ll make it to the other side, or playing Splendor for the 150th time and still doing your best to win. 

Our year of travel has created indelible memories, joyful, challenging, confusing, and filled with wonder memories. Beyond the memories, however, our time together had deepened our commitment to living our values, including persistence, patience, and play. As we build new routines and settle back into Chicago, I look forward to adding the insights, practices, and wisdom from last year, as I coach and consult with individuals, teams, and organizations that are looking to clarify their values and make them real. 

What value(s) do you want to prioritize?