Love, God When(s), and Transactions

Human beings desire love, and a grand market exists to feed this desire. We have romcoms, marriage seminars coinciding with religions, music to make you yearn, novels, and poems that spark romance in happiness and tragedy. Let us not forget lust and how it sweeps into love, with its market having defined rules. Lastly, there are thespians who prey on the vulnerable, claiming they can reveal the secret of desirability.

I believe love in today’s age isn’t any different from that of previous ages. It might appear that people readily yearn for love because they’re influenced by glimpses of the lives they witness on the internet. The date photos, gifts, and ‘10 reasons why I love you’ drive our desires. These moments, captured with the perfect camera angle that serves to elicit God When(s), will continue to garner millions of impressions.

Of course, Nigeria isn’t different when it comes to this market, except we’re not subtle—displaying loudly like the party drunk. As a Yoruba man, no one needs to tell me my people seldomly show quietude. We aim to be emphatic and grand in our display of respect, love, and adoration. Yet when our media praises the transactional nature of love, what separates love and lust? It seems nuance in matters of love is an afterthought.

Safety nets

Love builds on the premise of safety nets—that even when the world is crumbling, you can lay in your lover’s arms. However, building this safety net requires effort, and no one, not even the adorable ‘love declaration posts’ speaks about the ever-building effort. Alas, the in-demand depiction of love is that it lies in wait to be found.

No, my friend, what you may find is infatuation—a passing breeze, and as you grow older, the faster that breeze blows. Yet love lives in the hands of the person who traps this breeze—not in a jar, but in the entirety of their being.

If you seek a safety net to call your own, discard the misconception that it will come one day. It takes more than a day to realise you’re bundled in the blanket of affection, but in the years that have defied the storm.

Nigeria’s economy and its play on love

When I was a child, Nollywood loved telling the stories of common folk ending up in marriages with nobles. It is quite ironic since such relationships are rare; most people end up with people in their social classes.

Today’s media depicts relationships as transactions—"Yes, this suitor is the best economic safety net!” which is normal, as relationships are supposed to cushion. However, it reinforces the patriarchy stronger than ever. A fellow with too much money in his hands in our landscape possesses a high market value and might see women as objects to be bought. The nod of approval from Odumodu’s profane verse on Cast adds weight to my viewpoint. Indeed, the economic reality of Nigeria gives credence to my views.

It goes without saying that the clamour of “money = love” leaves a sour taste in my mouth because it elicits depravity. I cannot term this contemptible pecking order the fallacy of youth because love arises in early adulthood. Maybe, I’m reading too deeply into it, since social media has a unique quality of raising alarms. A wise individual will say, “Go where you’re loved.” In much simpler words, avoid people who will deem your affection as tradeable.

Today’s glamour

Of course, we yearn for the perfect days displayed by the perfect moments from couples, not the boring days or weary stretches where we let our minds do brief glimpses of alternate scenarios.

The glamour is enticing, and breakfast in bed is also enticing, but you must dust your boots and work—for this part is the transactional nature of love, where you do 50/50 on sunny days, and on rainy days, 80/20 seems like a breeze.