Emotional Love

From my book Secret of a Fifty Year Romantic Expedition comes gifmarriagehalloffame.com. In sport outstanding players are inducted into the sports hall of fame after they retire. In my book, I stated that married couples who are married and living together for fifty years should have the opportunity for induction into a married family hall of fame. I believe every son and daughter will appreciate their mother and father induction into the married family hall of fame. In sport, the successful nominees are voted in at the end of their career. In marriage wife and husband do not retire their career; it lasted for a lifetime. In their roles change from wife and husband to parents, to grandparents and great grandparents.
A relationship begins with love. Love is a and complicated emotion that is quite difficult to understand. Although most people believe that love revolves around the heart, it occurs in the brain. Many people epitomize the heart as the love symbol, but it’s the brain that generates chemical signals that influence our mood and behavior. Unlike English, in which the word love means many different things, my research shows that Ancient Greek had four words to describe the range of meaning that the word love conveys. There are forms and styles of expressing love. To describe these love, the Ancient Greeks came up with four terms (Eros, storge, agape and philia) to symbolize the four types of love. Let us look at these four loves in detail.
Agape is unconditional love that sees beyond the outer surface and accepts the recipient for whom he/she is, regardless of their flaws, shortcomings or faults. It’s the type of love that everyone strives to have for their fellow human beings. Although you may not like someone, you decide to love them just as a person. This kind of love is all about sacrifice as well as giving and expecting nothing in return. The translation of the word agape is love in the verb–form: it is the Christ-like love demonstrated by your behavior towards another person. It is a chosen love. Agape (unconditional) love is the love Christ demonstrates for us. For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son that whoever believed in him should not perish. John 3: 16
The phileo love refers to an affectionate, warm and tender love. It makes you desire friendship with someone. It’s the kind of love which is close to the Agape love. Jesus Christ tells us to love God with your heart and mind and to love your neighbour as yourself. When we love God, his love will transcend the boundaries of selfishness and allow us to love others. When the unconditional love of Christ transforms our lives, we will learn to love our enemies. With our self-centred attitude, we may not have a phileo love for some people. It suggested that translation of the word phileo is love in the noun – form: it is how you feel about someone. It is a faithful and chosen love. However for love to flourish it needs the showers of blessing from heaving to saturate our hearts and mind.
Some people philosophise that storge is a kind of family and friendship love; This is the love that parents naturally feel for their children; the love that members of the family have for each other; or the love that friends feel for each other. In some cases, this friendship love may turn into a romantic relationship, and the couple in such a relationship becomes best friends. Storge love is unconditional, accepts flaws or faults and ultimately drives you to forgive. It’s sacrificial and makes you feel secure, comfortable and safe. Storge love is not in the Bible. I include it in my writing for information.
Eros is a passionate and intense love that arouses romantic feelings; it is the kind that often triggers “high” feelings in a new relationship and makes you say, “I love him/her”. It is simply an emotional and sexual love. Although this romantic love is necessary at the beginning of a new relationship, it may not last unless it progresses to a higher level, because it focuses more on self instead of the other person. That is why so many marriages end in divorce. These marriages fail because they never move from the romantic (eros) stage. In this stage, if the person does not feel good about their relationship anymore, they will stop loving their partner and most often, change partners. This information gives a description of the four types of love. From the Greeks perspective, the sequence or style of love can be used to explain the stages, of a loving relationship. In a traditional marriage relationship, you should have all four loves working together to enable it to survive the challenges of life. Some experts suggest that in some cases, a relationship may be long-lasting if partners share the same style of love. These marriages survive on material or physical attraction; if you remove supports, they fall apart. They work in good times and fall apart in not so good times. This type of love is fair weather love. The balanced relationship, supported by agape love stays together in good times and not so good times.
To develop this love relationship you need to have a close connection with Jesus Christ. This love must be vertical and horizontal. Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 2: 5 KJV) Paul’s instruction says. Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. (Philippians 4: 8 KJV) Our perception and our thoughts influence our actions and reactions. When we believe in the instruction of marriage designed by God, our hearts and minds will be focused on a relationship that lasts for a lifetime.
God has designed and equipped our brain to function with intricate precision; it knows how much chemical is needed to perform efficiently. It knows when to make chemicals, what kind to make, how much to release, and the length of time it takes to perform its duty. Researchers now understand that the electrochemical process is the basis of all human behavior. Every thought we think, every move we make, and every word we say is related to the electrical and chemical communication between neurons. These transmitters regularly change to meet the needs of our current circumstances. Unconditional love is like neurons they allow wife and husband to develop communication that strengthens their marriage relationship. It is imperative that we stay connected to Christ his relationship will help us to move from lowest stage (eros) to the highest stage (agape).
So, moving from the lowest to the highest stage, we have eros, storge, philia, and agapé. Eros is not immoral; it’s a love that needs support to improve and strengthen its relationships. Sexual love is not deviant or evil. Rather, it is the gift of God to wife and husband to express their love for each other, strengthen the bond between them, and increase the population of the human race. And God blessed them and, God said unto them be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth. Genesis2:28 KJV). The love between a husband and a wife involve the romantic, sexual relationship. However, a long-term relationship based solely on sex is doomed to failure. The “thrill” of sexual love wears off quickly unless there are some philia and agape to glue it together. When shared between husband and wife, emotion has its place in a relationship, but because humans have debased and abused it, the expressions of sexual love (eros) too often become unethical. In dealing with sex, some men and women tend to go to one extreme.
In the biblical instruction married relationship needs Gods’ unconditional love (agape) to strengthen (eros) love of passion. When God’ unconditional is void, the relationship loses its real value. God established the beauty of the sexual relationship with wives and husbands. “Let my lover come into his garden and taste its choice fruits. I have come into my garden, my sister, my bride; I have gathered my myrrh with my spice. I have eaten my honeycomb and my honey; I have drunk my wine and my milk. Eat, O friends, and drink; drink your fill, O lovers” (Song of Solomon 4:16—5:1). Outside of traditional marriage established by God, sex loses its virtue. We need to have our mind stayed on God. Let this mind be in you, which was in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 2: 5) An unconditional love relationship provides a healthy mind and body. It develops within us contentment serenity and peace. When wives and husbands have a loving relationship interconnected with the love of Jesus Christ our mind and body relax and allow our brain chemicals to transmit joyful and soothing thoughts. Joyful marriages and family relationships allow chemical messengers in our brains to work efficiently.
At night, to sleep the brain raises level transmitters to allow certain thoughts to be transmitted in a calm atmosphere for us to sleep well. In the morning, the brain lowers, its levels of the calming transmitters and raises the excitatory transmitter’s levels to satisfy the need of our environmental conditions, such as our home environment and the world around us. Our ability to function in our complex world depends on the efficiency of our brain. God knows the important things we need in life. In creating humans, He designed us into His image. We are not helpless and defenceless creatures, we are fearfully and wonderfully made.
Marian Diamond says that our challenge in education is to determine what makes an enriched classroom environment. We’re probably going to find that it’s the interaction of the student’s mind with the materials, the attention, retention, simulation and all the things that good teachers and learners can accomplish to make learning meaningful so that learners will sprout new dendrites, which form new connections and become stronger through review. Wives and husbands need to know what makes an enriched and loving family relationship. Experience teaches me that it is the interaction, attention and communication within the family environment that stimulates a loving and caring relationship. The retention, stimulation and all the things that wife, husband, and children accomplish together make a successful family.
In our brain when two neurons fire together in proper sequence, they become more efficient and ignite more readily; our long-term memory develops. The important thing that we’ve learned is that repetition helps memory. In life, we should know that repetition is good for our development and success. When families consciously do things together, which are relevant to the development of a loving and caring family, and make it a part of their regular daily activities; their minds and thoughts will stimulate loving relationships. It’s all right to do something once and then turn it around and does the same thing in another way; the use of repetitions provides infinite wisdom. In life love for others is a constant process and contribute to our ability to learn new methods, to achieve our goals in life.
Researchers believe that the window of opportunity for learning is more open at an early age. However because God designed the human mind with flexibility, there is a continuous process throughout our life span for learning; the window of opportunity never closes. One of the important things to understand as repetition stimulates retention and memory in the neurological pathway of our brain luring cycle. When we say or do something once and repeat it again by using different methods, we are strengthening the plasticity of our neurological pathways that lead to new knowledge and creative learning ability and allow us, to perform at our highest level. God’s love, goodness and mercy will sustain our marriages and build a strong foundation to support a caring, joyful and loving family environment. To encourage wives and husbands to seek the support base to extend their relationship I have established the gifmarriagehalloffame.com