Marriage? Not now: “The Rise of Just Wait”

An increasing number of Indian millennial women are embracing the concept of "just wait" by choosing to delay their marriage.

The phenomenon itself is nothing new, especially in developed countries where education is readily available to girls and women. "From a sociological perspective, waithood is one of the hallmarks of postmodern society.

People are trying to break the old-fashioned way of thinking and revise some of the orders of modernity.

Things to consider before deciding to get married

So your social media feed is full of pictures of your friends getting engaged, tying the knot or even having kids and your parents are expecting you to settle down in the coming time.

You might be dating someone or have had a few unsuccessful relationships, and are contemplating if this is the right time for you to get married. In case you are confused about whether to get hitched or not, here are a few things you need to consider.

The decision to marry is the biggest decision that most people make in a lifetime. If any of these are present in your relationship now, it is best to postpone the marriage until the issue is resolved.

 Marriage itself will not make these problems disappear. In fact, these problems almost always get worse after marriage.

Marrying to get out of the house.

This is simply trading one set of problems for another. Other options exist to get away from a troubled home. A counselor can help you find them.

No one better will ask me to marry him/her.

This kind of thinking suggests that you don’t think much of yourself. People who think this way aren’t sure enough of themselves to hold their own in marriage and are generally unhappy when they do find their true self. Postponing or canceling your wedding is a good idea. Some good counseling can help, too.

It’s just time to get married.

Actually, what is needed is the right time AND the right person.

The first thing you need to think about is the reason you want to get married. Is it because all your friends have found the ‘one’ and you feel left out?

You feel excited thinking about the idea of shopping, going on a honeymoon and getting that special attention?

Or you have enjoyed your single life and feel ready to settle down? Well, it is very important to take the decision of getting married for the right reason, and not just for the charm associated with the wedding.

Married life comes with lots of responsibilities. You have to look after an entire household, manage finances, and take care of your partner and his or her family’s wellbeing and your own self. You might realize your responsibilities fully only when you take the plunge but at least you should be mentally prepared and willing to embrace them happily.

Remember, love does not pay bills. Make sure you figure out your finances before you decide to get married. No matter how much your partner earns, it is always wise to be financially independent and know how to manage your money.

You are in love

n case you are already in a serious relationship, it is important that you both share similar values and expect the same things from the relationship. Both partners should understand each other properly and share a healthy relationship.

You are not carrying any emotional baggage

If you have even an iota of feelings for your ex-partner or you are carrying any kind of emotional baggage from your past, it is obvious that you need to gain some clarity about your thoughts and feelings.

Maybe, you have not completely moved on from your past and you need to give yourself some time before taking any marriage-related decision.

It’s okay if you are single

Well, it is not necessary that you need to date someone to get married. Thanks to matrimonial sites and apps, you can take charge of finding your life partner, take your own time and go for an arranged marriage if everything looks good.

Again, look for someone who shares similar values and understands what all it takes to make a marriage successful. At the end of the day, no one can predict the future of a relationship and you need to take a leap of faith.

The most important one

Before you decide to exchange vows and invest your emotions in someone else, make sure you have fallen in love with yourself first. Self-love is the best kind of love. You might struggle to find happiness in your romantic relationship if you don’t love your own self.

A refusal to engage with uncomfortable ideas has 'an asphyxiating effect on the creative soul of a society.

Marriage just seems like the next logical step.

This sometimes happens to couples who are living together. They slide into marriage not because they have fully explored the idea of a permanent commitment and freely choose that for themselves, but because getting married is the next thing to do.

Or they slide into marriage to fix a relationship that is limping along, thinking that having their families’ or church’s stamp of approval will fix their relationship.

 If this describes your relationship, slow down and look more carefully at what marriage is.

 Are you ready, willing, and able to fulfill its responsibilities?

Just wait. It’ll get worse when you’re married. Just wait until you’ve been married for a year. Just wait until the seven year itch. Just wait until you’ve been married as long as we have…

The “just wait until…” scale seems to be sliding further and further away no matter how long you’ve been married.

I can’t count how many times I’ve heard “Oh, you’re engaged?

 Congratulations, but just wait for marriage… or Oh, you’re newlyweds?

Congratulations, but just wait until after the ‘honeymoon’ phase… These are messages delivered with a sense of impending doom. At work or elsewhere, these “just waits” are often accompanied by comments about “the old ball and chain,” and all kinds of dubious marriage advice.

I guess we are never quite married long enough to be considered to know what married life is like, but we would disagree. At no point do I think we know everything about marriage. We are learning more and more about one another and about married life every day.

 But to those who are engaged, to those who are dating, to those who believe their vocation is to one day get married, to those who have already spoken those vows, take heart: Marriage is an amazing, life changing, ridiculously fun adventure!

I’m on a mission: God created me to love sacrifice my life for her. He created her to be my perfect match and for those whom God calls to the vocation of marriage, He’s created a perfect match for you as well.

 Forget anything you’ve heard from people who’ve become disillusioned and instead “just wait” for the joy, the excitement, the laughter, and the sheer fun of what’s to come!

Just wait… until you come home and your husband, who has just come home from work, has the fire going in the fireplace, Christmas lights plugged in and hot chocolate set out for you.