Mastering the Art of Giving Feedback

As leaders, we often find ourselves in the position of having to give feedback to our team members. It's a crucial part of our role, yet it's one that many of us dread. Why? Because we know that feedback, especially when it's constructive or critical, can be a delicate matter. It has the power to motivate and inspire, but if delivered poorly, it can also demoralize and discourage.

In our recent Love and Leadership podcast episode, Michael S. and I went deep into this topic, exploring the art and science of giving effective feedback. We uncovered some surprising insights and practical strategies that I'm excited to share with you today.

The Feedback Paradox

First, let's address a common misconception: that employees don't want feedback, especially if it's critical. Our research revealed quite the opposite. According to a study by Zenger Folkman, a staggering 94% of employees agreed that corrective feedback improves their performance when it's presented well. Even more telling, two-thirds of employees believed their performance and career prospects would have improved substantially if they'd been given more feedback.

So why the disconnect? Why are leaders often hesitant to give feedback when employees clearly want it? The answer lies in our own discomfort and fear of difficult conversations. But here's the thing: by avoiding these conversations, we're doing a disservice to our team members and hindering their growth potential.

Stop Serving the Feedback Sandwich

Many of us were taught the "feedback sandwich" method: start with a positive comment, deliver the criticism, and end with another compliment. It sounds good in theory, but in practice, it often falls flat. Here's why:

1. It muddles the message: When you sandwich criticism between compliments, it's hard for the recipient to discern what's most important.
2. It feels insincere: The compliments can come across as forced, undermining your authenticity.
3. It avoids necessary discomfort: Some discomfort is actually crucial for growth and change.
4. It wastes opportunities for meaningful praise: By using praise as a buffer, you dilute its impact when given genuinely.
5. It creates confusion: The mixed messages can leave the recipient unsure about what actions to take.

A Better Approach: The IMPEL Model

Instead of the sandwich method, I propose a more effective framework for giving feedback: the IMPEL model. Here's how it works:

Intention

Before giving feedback, examine your motivations. Are you genuinely trying to help the person improve, or are you acting on a personal pet peeve? Make sure your feedback is coming from a place of wanting to support their growth and development.

Moment

Choose the right time to give feedback. Ideally, it should be as close to the observed behavior as possible, but also when both you and the recipient are in a good headspace to have the conversation.

Presentation

This is where you actually deliver the feedback. Use the SBI (Situation, Behavior, Impact) framework:

• Situation: Describe the specific context
• Behavior: Outline the observed actions or lack thereof
• Impact: Explain the consequences of the behavior

Be specific, factual, and focus on actions rather than personality traits.

Exploration

After presenting the feedback, give the recipient time to process and respond. Practice active listening, ask clarifying questions, and show that you're truly trying to understand their perspective.

Layout

Finally, work with the recipient to create an action plan. The key here is that they should be the ones committing to and owning the next steps, not you imposing solutions on them.

Overcoming Your Own Feedback Fears

Even with a solid framework, giving feedback can still be intimidating. Here are a few strategies to help you overcome your own discomfort:

1. Prepare in advance: Write out your talking points and even rehearse if it's a particularly challenging conversation.
2. Frame it positively: Show that you have their best interests at heart. For example: "I'm sharing this because I believe in your potential and want to see you succeed."
3. Be balanced: While avoiding the sandwich method, do acknowledge areas where they're doing well. This isn't about softening the blow, but about giving a fair and complete picture.
4. Stay calm: Remember, your emotional state can influence the recipient's reaction. If you're nervous or defensive, they're likely to mirror those feelings.
5. Follow up: Feedback shouldn't be a one-and-done event. Regular check-ins show that you're invested in their progress and provide opportunities for further coaching.

The Power of Receiving Feedback

As leaders, it's not just about giving feedback – we need to be open to receiving it too. In fact, research shows that leaders who actively seek feedback are generally perceived as more effective by their superiors, peers, and subordinates.

Creating a culture where feedback flows freely in all directions can transform your team's performance and dynamics. It fosters trust, encourages continuous improvement, and demonstrates that learning and growth are valued at all levels of the organization.

The goal of feedback isn't to criticize or find fault. It's to help individuals and teams perform at their best, align with organizational goals, and grow both professionally and personally.

Feedback is a skill, and like any skill, it improves with practice. It might feel uncomfortable at first, but the more you do it, the more natural and effective it becomes. And the payoff – in terms of team performance, trust, and overall organizational culture – is well worth the initial discomfort.

So, I challenge you: In the coming week, have at least one feedback conversation using the IMPEL model. It could be giving praise for a job well done, or addressing an area for improvement. Pay attention to how it feels, how it's received, and what impact it has.

Great leaders aren't born – they're made, one conversation at a time.