The Maxfieldian Manifesto.
You might already be a Maxfieldian.

The Maxfieldian Manifesto.

I've been writing this for the last couple of years and figure it's time to start sharing it. Who knows, maybe it'll turn into a book or movie or, better yet, a cult. I always wanted to start a cult because it pays so well and maybe I can get followers to come mow my lawn every couple weeks.

I'll start serializing this in pieces because it's quite a lot to read. If it speaks to you, then give me a yell and let's get this cult thing going...

Maxfieldianism.

Maxfieldianism was born from a simple phrase. When Maxfield was asked at age seven what he’d do if he were president, he wrote, “I’d quit and never go back.”

It was funny at the time, but as the years passed, we all realized his answer was way ahead of his time, and he actually had the key to a better existence.

Quit and never go back.

So much in life can be fixed with that one simple phrase, the bedrock of Maxfieldiansim.

Just like in poker, you’re never really pot-committed. You can always fold and walk away.

How many times have people ignored the signs that something terrible was about to happen. An army was about to invade, the volcano was about to erupt, the job was about to give you an ulcer, and your spouse was about to bury you in the back yard.

The signs are there, yet we ignore them because we don’t think we can quit and never go back.

Well, you now know, as a Maxfieldian, you have permission to bail on stupid shit.

In fact, it’s now the central tenant of your existence. Embrace it, use your judgment, and watch for bad signs and GTFO.

Everyone is trying to sell you something. Don’t buy it.

Everyone is either trying to sell you something or control you, and the big religions are doing both. Except Maxfieldianism. If you want to send us some money, fine. We’ll buy good bourbon or use it to fuck off somewhere pretty, but we’re not asking for money.

Everyone else is. They are making lousy products that are burying the planet in plastic sludge or lousy food that will give you tumors or they want to dangle shiny things in your face that will send you to heaven if you give them money. Or they’re trying to get you to care about and get all emotional about their thing. It could be a country and you’re supposed to think that if you give your life, everyone will speak your name forever. They won’t. All this patriotic mumbo-jumbo is very effective at making young, healthy people allow themselves to be turned into old and sick people. Or dead people. But it’s a sales job. Yes, we need people to go throw themselves in front of cannons, but without good, effective sales pitches, there wouldn’t be anyone willing to do it.

So, recognize a sales job when you see it. And know it’s aimed at you. And you can choose to realize it’s bullshit and you can opt out.

Don’t eat garbage food.

You’re inundated with messages to eat shit you really shouldn’t eat. Everywhere you look, there are big, beautiful images of hamburgers, fries, dinners, cookies, donuts, bubbling soft drinks, blah, blah, blah.

Don’t do it.

Most of that shit is garbage. You’re so used to be sold stuff that you think it’s your duty to buy it.

Think about this. You’re constantly being tempted to gobble this shit down, yet one of our political parties doesn’t want you to have any healthcare.

Question the logical disconnect.

Eat all the garbage you want because it’s so yummy.

Get fat. Get sick. Die. No doctor for you.

Why?

Who benefits? Is it you? Do you benefit by eating food that makes you sick and miserable? You don’t. Who DOES benefit, then? The big companies that make cheap, easy-to-produce food that generates big profits. That’s who benefits. A lot of people make a lot of money by selling you those greasy burgers, fries and a vat of corn syrup to drink.

They get rich, you get fat and sick and fuck you.

But you can throw a wrench into the gears.

Just don’t buy that shit and it’s pretty simple, really.

-       Don’t eat anything from a drive-through.

-       Don’t eat anything that comes in a box.

-       Don’t eat fried shit.

-       Don’t drink anything that’s been sweetened… Drink water. Or bourbon.

See, that’s really not that hard. Eat beans, brown rice, veggies, fruit, and nuts. See how simple that is? And drink water. You’ll feel better, live longer and not make those fuckers richer.

We’re fucking this planet, and it’s not looking good. Don’t be part of the problem.  

 What could be dumber than whole groups of people happily and ignorantly destroying the only place we have to live, but that’s what’s happening. In the USA, a whole political party is hell-bent on convincing their flock to go ahead and destroy the place because it’s good for business.

 It's that fucking simple.

 But you can just be conscious that maybe someone is keeping score. Maybe there is a big Sky Buddy who’s marking down all the stupid, destructive shit people do in a Big Sky Book and will smite them in the afterlife.

 Not likely, but hell, it doesn’t hurt to behave like it’s going to happen.

 It can be a whole series of little things. Don’t order so much home food delivery. Some poor sap has to burn a lot of gasoline to bring you that takeout that probably sucked before it was thrown in his trunk. Don’t buy a massive gas-burning tank and sit in it idling half the damned day. Making coffee? Try a reusable filter. Buying stuff for your kids, don’t buy that massive box of plastic crap that will end up in a landfill in a couple of years. Every day we can go with the shit flow and buy stupid, wasteful junk, or we can realize it’s stupid and wasteful and just not buy it. It really is that simple. Just think about the logic of buying products that will end up burying you.

 

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