Mentor or Tor-mentor? - Part 3

What Makes You a Good or Great Mentor?

“Show me a successful individual and I’ll show you someone who had real positive influences in his or her life. I don’t care what you do for a living—if you do it well I’m sure there was someone cheering you on or showing the way. A mentor.” — Denzel Washington

From my experiences being a mentor and a mentee (you should never grow out of learning), I have come to believe that there is an art and science to mentoring. 

A mentor serves as a trusted friend, a mini-counselor or advisor. Many times, a mentor is not pushy ( some are) - if you have a clash of ideas, they provide perspective but it’s still your choice to leverage their experience or not.

Think of the story of Moses and his father-in-law, Jethro. Moses was a great leader, the leader of leaders, the wise one who talked face to face with God. Surely, his judgement was always right and final. Jethro came visiting and watched Moses work night and day, resolving issues, steering leadership meetings, coaching and mentoring from dawn to dusk. His simple advice to Moses meant others got promoted to leadership positions, more tasks delegated which led to faster decision making and higher productivity.

What are the characteristics of great mentors? I’ll share 6 of them, maybe you can add more.

1. They give time and attention: Mentoring requires spending quality time to know the mentee, identify common ground, mentoring goals, and build the relationship. In some cases, there’s an instant chemistry between the mentor and mentee but in some cases especially where the mentor is assigned, it may take some time to build the relationship. Mentorship is not worth it if the mentor is too busy. 
2. They listen well: Good mentors demonstrate a higher level of listening. There’s a difference between hearing and actually paying attention with the intent to understand and communicate. Listening well helps you assess situations better and make informed decisions.
3. They have your best interest at heart: Great mentors don’t become great because of what they can get. They are great because of what they can give. A genuine interest in the mentee brings out the best in the relationship even when tough advice is given. Seeing the mentee grow beyond where the mentor could have imagined makes them shine and proud, not envious. 
4. They spot oak trees from tiny seeds: Good mentors recognize potential and nurture it. A great mentor never looks down on someone even when they are not available to mentor the person. As a mentor, you must remember you were once at that level - so go easy with your refusals. Mentees often see something they admire in a mentor before approaching such a person and it takes courage to walk up to someone knowing fully well the chances of them saying NO may be higher. A good mentor respects the individual and appreciates the fact that they are asking for help. It connotes they want to grow.
5. They don't fuss about age: With the trend of reverse mentoring, a mentor doesn't necessarily mean "older in age". Many millennials and Gen Z make great mentors for Baby Boomers provided both throw age out of the picture and get down to the business of working together. Experience and learning happens both ways.
6. They are not perfect beings : No mentor is perfect - everyone has flaws. A great mentor recognizes this and does their best with the facts, experience, and situation at hand. The goal is not to replicate yourself but to help the mentee bring out the best of himself/herself. A good mentee must also look out for ways to give back to the mentor, sometimes in little tangible things or even your time or talents. Don't fall back to the excuse that your rich mentor can't possibly need anything - make an effort and you'll find that secret sauce.

..... to be contd.)

Question: What are other characteristics of great mentors in your life? What's been your experience? Follow the series, comment below and tag a colleague who needs this. Click the Share button.

Mofoluwaso Ilevbare (fondly called Fofo) is a Career Influencer & Worklife Balance strategist, a more-Women-in-the-Boardroom Advocate, with a healthy appetite for chocolate cake. When she's not working in her 9-5, she spends her time writing, mentoring, speaking, and running her NGO empowering women and girls in Africa. Fofo is reachable at fofo@mofoluwaso.com.

Follow Fofo on Instagram @mofoluwasoilevbare , watch one of her videos for daily inspiration and join one of her mentoring groups on Facebook , Telegram or @thriveinheels (ladies only). Download the MOFOLUWASO app on Google playstore/I-store for inspiration when on the move!