Moving towards positive emotions

Responding to negative emotions

“Anger, resentment, envy, and self-pity are wasteful reactions. They greatly drain one's time. They sap energy better devoted to productive endeavours.” Ruth Bader Ginsberg

This is a great quote from Ruth Bader Ginsberg, to me it says that negative emotions are diversions, they waste our time. When you know about her life and the significant challenges she faced, then you can see how this attitude helped her to achieve both the impact and success she deserved.

One of the best ways to deal with our negative emotions is through acceptance. Rather than becoming stuck in a mindset that negative emotions need to be avoided or that they are somehow ‘wrong’ to experience, we need to accept they are a natural part of who we are.

Just as there are benefits to negative emotions, forcing ourselves to be happy all the time can also be detrimental to our overall emotional wellbeing. Accepting negative emotions, in ourselves and others, are all a part of being human, which allows us to build empathy and compassion.

As positive psychology has gained more insight into our negative emotions, it’s also been able to provide us with multiple strategies for balancing these emotions within our day-to-day lives.

In 2017 Ceri Sims, an Associate Professor at Buckinghamshire University, developed the TEARS of HOPE acronyms to support individuals to proactively process and acknowledge negative emotions.

T - Teach and Learn

This is the process of listening to what your body is trying to teach you through the presentation of negative emotions and learning what they mean. It’s building your personal knowledge of the way you respond to emotional states, interpreting the signals your body is sending you, and acknowledging that they serve a purpose.

E - Express and enable

Negative emotions tend to be intense and cause us to express more than positive emotions. This means they are very actionable, and we can choose to express them in different ways, sometimes with positive or negative outcomes. Expressing and enabling our negative emotions acknowledges these emotions and enables the selection of useful responses with no resentment.

A - Accept and befriend

Relates to befriending yourself and the way you are as a human. We can focus on increasing our acceptance of negative emotions with positive affirmations so we can manage them in a healthy and productive way.

R - Re-appraise and re-frame

Once you’ve begun to accept that negative emotions are a natural and normal part of who you are, you can then reframe the situation and select how to react. Just because a negative emotion has arisen, doesn’t mean you have to react in ways that are detrimental to you and those around you.

Accepting negative emotions isn’t about accepting or excusing poor behaviours, it’s about creating awareness for the self and others to create positive reactions.

S - Social support

Negative emotions happen to everyone in very similar ways. This knowledge greatly increases our compassion and empathy. This provides the basis for social support and understanding that different people process negative emotions differently.

The second part of the TEARS of HOPE model. It provides a framework for amplifying positivity.

H - Hedonic wellbeing and happiness

This is the process of grouping positive experiences with negative ones. Because we more readily recall negative experiences, it can be useful for us to group them with positive experiences, so we don’t fall into a ruminating trap. This way, we can focus more of our energy on recalling positive experiences.

O - Observe and attend

Take the time to really observe your reactions without ignoring them, repressing them, or over-exaggerating them. Use mindfulness to bring your focus to your mind and body and what a particular emotion is creating within you. Attend to these reactions without judgment.

You can better motivate positive change with constructive self-talk, spoken as an inner coach rather than as an inner critic. This is where we can apply sports psychology so powerfully in the area of positive self-talk to support a growth mindset.

P - Physiology and behavioural changes

Just as you observe your emotional and mental responses, observe your physiological reactions too. Bring your focus to your breath, and your heart rate and sense any changes in your physiology that a negative emotion may have caused. Again, attend to these changes without judgment.

E - Eudaimonia or as I prefer Enthusiasm

This might not be a word you are familiar with “Eudaimonia” is a Greek word that refers to having a good spirit. It means you have found a state of being that is happy, healthy, and prosperous, and you have learned to engage in actions that result in your overall wellbeing. It means you’re actively striving towards a sense of authenticity in all you do. I prefer to reframe it as the word “Enthusiasm” as it is more modern and more easily understood.

Releasing negative emotions

The spinning technique - this simple technique comes from Neuro-Linguistic Programming. It works to release negative emotions that are stuck in our minds and bodies due to past experiences. These often cause us to respond to negative emotions in an automatic, sometimes unproductive manner.

You can do it yourself, although it does work more effectively when a practitioner guides you through the steps so that you can concentrate on the experience.

Step 1 - Sit comfortably or lie down on the floor on your back, take a few deep breaths and continue breathing deeply. Close your eyes and be ready to let your conscious mind work on your unconscious mind.

Step 2 - With each deep breath, get more relaxed and observe the sensations you feel internally

Step 3 - Think about the negative emotion bothering you. Where do you feel the negative emotions in your body?

Step 4 - Imagine the emotion is the shape of a wheel that is spinning

Step 5 - See yourself pulling the wheel out of your body and above yourself so you can see it

Step 6 - Observe the colour of the wheel. Is it moving clockwise or counter-clockwise?

Step 7 - Change the colour of the wheel to a more pleasant one and rotate the wheel in the opposite direction

Step 8 - Keep spinning the wheel in the opposite direction and bring it back into your body. Do not stop spinning the wheel.

Step 9 - Keep spinning the wheel and increase the speed until it becomes weaker and fades away

Step 10 - Break state – you will have changed your state and released the emotion

Positive emotions

“Positive and negative emotions cannot occupy the mind at the same time.” Napoleon Hill

I love this quote from Napoleon Hill, I absolutely agree and when you think about it, it just makes sense. He is best known for his book Think and Grow Rich, published in 1937, and among the 10 best-selling self-help books of all time.

Moving from negative to positive emotions

If you feel like your negative emotions are getting the best of you, that you’re not expressing them in healthy ways, or getting stuck in ruminating behaviours, then this is a summary of evidence-based techniques that assist us in responding to our negative emotions more productively –

Envisage your ‘Best Possible Self’ – this one is so good that I go through it in more detail in the next slide.

Practice Gratitude – There are amazing benefits of gratitude, and it is super easy to establish a daily gratitude practice. An attitude of gratitude has massive positive impacts on our mood and perception.

Explore mindfulness techniques – Mindfulness assists with reframing how we are feeling and is especially beneficial if you find you have a short fuse and anger is your go-to negative emotion, or if you find regularly experiencing annoyance (which is on the anger spectrum). The TEARS of HOPE framework is especially useful for understanding and reframing anger.

Learn how to respond versus react - negative emotions often encourage us to react immediately to a given scenario. When we feel angry, we may lash out, shout, or be aggressive. When we become sad, we may withdraw and reject people around us.

Sometimes we need to act on these impulses and mostly we don’t. By exploring your negative emotions, you will develop your understanding of how you react. This gives you the opportunity to choose a more positive response. Deciding not to react at all is also a useful response.

Know when to take a break - If you are constantly experiencing negative emotions and struggling to manage them, your body is telling you something isn’t right.

If you are able to, then a very effective technique is to take a day off from your normal routine so you can re-centre. Fill this day with positive experiences. Do things that you enjoy and will be uplifting. A day off can give you time and space to consider your feelings and the situation and to develop action plans.

Attend differently to negative people – if possible, avoid spending time or interacting with negative people. Sometimes this is not easy to do when they are co-workers, close friends, and family. It can be useful to consider the possible reasons behind someone’s negativity so that you can have more compassion and empathy for their situation. This makes you more understanding and better able to respond to their negativity productively, rather than having a more volatile reaction.

Move your body to change your state – it is well known that moving our bodies positively changes our mental state. When confronted with negative behaviour and negative emotional responses, it is beneficial to breathe, go for a walk, get some fresh air, or participate in some other form of enjoyable physical activity.

Dispel inappropriate negative thinking – just like we considered the falseness of limiting beliefs in a previous chapter, this is about considering the negative emotions and reactions and determining if they are appropriate to the situation. These could be the result of an overreaction or your own sensitivities. Often once you consider the reaction from this perspective, you are able to diffuse and choose a more productive response.

Best possible self-technique

The “best possible self” technique is a simple visualisation tool that is so easy to do, that you could do it immediately after you experience undesirable negative emotions or situations, and no one would even realise. Instead of focusing only on the negative emotion or what you’re doing wrong, focus instead on how you would prefer to behave in that situation.

Sit calmly and breathe deeply whilst asking yourself…

1. What does the best possible version of you look like in that scenario?
2. How would I react?
3. What would I say?
4. How would I feel?
5. What would I do next?

This can be done as either a mental visual exercise or a journal exercise. You can either do it shortly after each difficult emotional outburst, or you can do it once a week and reflect on situations where you didn’t respond as productively as you could have.

This simple practice can have amazing results on both your mood and also how you approach similar situations in the future.

Techniques to change your state

Numerous research studies, and our own experience, tell us that we can shift our emotional state by moving our bodies. Other techniques are equally powerful. This is a summary of the tactics you can use to change your state when emotions are overwhelming or negative, and the time it takes to have an impact –

• Listen to uplifting music – 7 seconds
• Movement – 30 seconds – this could simply be standing up, a walk, or an exercise that you enjoy. I often go downstairs, make a cuppa, and then come back to my desk when I’m feeling frustrated
• Laughter – instantaneous – you could have a break and watch an episode from a comedy series each day, or call a friend who you know can cheer you up with their perspective
• Nature – 7 seconds – going outside to a park, or sitting on your balcony to enjoy the view
• Focus – 30 seconds – when I’m sad I find solace in research and writing for my programs. Doing something that you can immerse yourself in reduces negative emotions in 30 seconds. This could be reading a compelling novel, meditating, or some other activity that requires all your concentration.
• Posture – 30 seconds – check in with your body and you may find you are in a tense posture or slumped over, sit up straighter, roll your shoulder back, stand up, walk around, and lie on the floor – all these quick actions change your posture.
• Language – 7 seconds -this relates to positive versus negative language. Notice the words you use when thinking and speaking so you can reframe negative words into positive words that will create uplifting and action-oriented energy.

In a few minutes on the web, I found another 30 ideas on how to change your mood and your state. There are so many resources at your fingertips, so there are no longer any excuses for staying in a negative mood, or emotional state, for too long.

Smiling is the simplest, easiest, and fastest way to change your state and snap out of negative emotions. It’s not always possible, so even a fake smile can help you feel better. I’ve already shared research that indicates that it’s possible to fake it until you make it!

Benefits of positive emotions

Experiencing emotions like happiness, excitement, joy, hope, and inspiration is vital for anyone who wants to lead a happy and healthy life.

Luckily, you don’t need to experience them all the time to reap the benefits of positive emotions. These often-fleeting moments can be the ones that make all the hard work and struggling in life worth it, the spice that brings flavour to your life.”

Now that we have considered the insidious health impacts of negative emotions and how we can adjust our responses and change our state of mind, let’s look at the amazing benefits of positive emotions and how we can create more positivity in our lives.

Consider for a moment your positive emotions and ask yourself…

1. How can you improve your experience of them?
2. How can you increase the quality and quantity of them?

Barbara Fredrickson is a world-renowned researcher and proponent of positive psychology. She has written several books that provide well-researched, evidence-based tools that support us to create healthier, more vibrant, and flourishing lives.

She discovered that experiencing positive emotions broadens people's minds and builds their resourcefulness in ways that help them become more resilient to adversity and effortlessly achieve what they once could only imagine. You can learn to see new possibilities, bounce back from setbacks, connect with others, and become the best version of yourself.

Her prolific research (much of it conducted with colleagues) shows the benefits of positive emotions as -

1. Broader attention span
2. Increased working memory
3. Enhanced verbal fluency
4. Increased openness to new information
5. Increased creativity
6. Increased engagement

The purpose of positive emotions

The list is nearly endless, although work has been done by many positive psychologists to group our positive emotions so we can understand them better.

The four most common groups are –

1. Contentment - encompasses emotions including satisfaction, fulfilment, gratification, and pride.
2. Joy - encompasses emotions such as happiness, delight, exultation, ecstasy and so many more.
3. Excitement - encompasses emotions including exhilaration, enthusiasm, and anticipation.
4. Love - also encompasses many emotions such as fondness, tenderness, endearment, devotion, ardour, and desire.

The purpose of positive emotions is about more than simply feeling good. To help understand this, let’s look at what different psychologists would say about positive emotions.

• To an evolutionary psychologist, positive emotions are designed to enhance our chances of survival and reproduction.
• To a social psychologist, they are designed to help us form the bonds that connect us to others.
• To a positive psychologist, positive emotions make life worth living.

By broadening our experience of our positive emotions and expanding our inner resources, we will be able to live a happier and more positive life.

According to Fredrickson…

”…positive emotions broaden an individual’s momentary thought-action repertoire: joy sparks the urge to play, interest sparks the urge to explore, contentment sparks the urge to savour and integrate, and love sparks a recurring cycle of each of these urges within safe, close relationships.”

I’ve used this research to create a Positive Cycle based on her Broaden and Build theory. When we experience a positive emotion, this leads to increased wellbeing, which then causes us to experience more positive emotions, and these increase our resilience, which in turn leads to even higher wellbeing and happiness, and then the cycle continues.

Find out more…

Managing emotions is covered in detail in Module 6 of The POSITIVE Lawyer program.

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My aim is to inspire you to transform your working life and achieve great things!