My kid taught me what humility looks like: with a piece of candy.

Just like you, I have been trying to make sure my kids are loving humans since I helped co-create them.

I have to say I am not great at making loving humans. I make sure they get what they need. You know, braces and driving lessons maybe just not the human ability to understand and display emotions. I AM WORKING ON IT! 

I do my best, I swear. If we are handing out credit, most of it should go to my ex-wife who dazzles when it comes to parental modeling and behavior worth emulating.

What I do that seems to work is repetition of love, compassion, and a sprinkle of drill Sargent. All have served me well.

Each day I send my kids to school they are forbidden from leaving until they look me in the eye and give me the grace of listening to my heartfelt and gushy message. “ I love you, be great today, take care of yourself and if you can, take care of someone else too”

They don’t always do the right thing. They often make mistakes. Don’t we all? I know they will make less mistakes as they grow and absorb the qualities of their mother and my modeling.

I’m going to share a story about myself. I hope you understand it isn’t about me because the subsequent stories will make you realize I’m not the important thing here.

Picture a cold snowy and icy day in Reno. Dylan and I were going to pick up some snacks from our local Walmart. As we were looking for a parking space, an older lady flagged us down and requested I roll down my window.

I thought she had a question or needed to tell me my truck had the gas tank open. Instead she politely asked me to let her put her groceries in my truck and give her a ride home. She didn’t have a car and assumed that she could find a ride home after trudging through the ice and snow to get to the grocery store. I looked in the back seat at Dylan like he should decide what we do next. He just shrugged his shoulders and I picked her up.

I drove a short distance and took her home. Being sure to carry her bags and follow her so she didn’t slip on the icy sidewalks. She thanked me graciously and I was generally appreciative.

Dylan was in the car still and asked me what the heck was that about? We don’t even know that lady! That was so weird!! I agreed, It didn’t make any sense. I then remembered something him and I had discussed earlier. I told him do you remember our table conversation? His eyes lit up and he did. Don’t worry I’ll get back to that.

Next thing I knew I was as at  a wrestling tournament for Maddox that had people from all over the country. Maddox lost his first match and was going to wrestle a friend of his in the second match. He was the underdog. AND he won!  His friend was not happy. His friend made some negative comments that Maddox had stalled, and Maddox had stolen the match. Maddox didn’t flinch. He told me and his other friends that his buddy was having a tough day and didn’t need to be made to feel “less than“ for his recent loss.

Maddox in that moment shined with love, empathy, kindness, compassion, and grace. I couldn’t believe my eyes. He is so far ahead of me when was at that age, probably even now. He loves wrestling. More than that, he loves his friends, family, and respecting those bonds.  Maddox cares for people first and respects the competition of sports more than winners and losers. I’m glad to know that a man like this exists and proud that I may have had a hand in impacting him.

On the way to this tournament, I had Dylan with me in the car. As we exited the freeway, there was a man asking for money or food. Dylan sat next to me and had a giant bag for chocolate in his lap. He looked at me and said “Dad, that guy needs some food please give him some of my candy” I told him we don’t need to. We are on the way to see his brother we didn't have time. He thrust me into the moment only by saying softly.  “Hey Dad, bigger table”

Ok what do I tell my kids? What do I do differently? I’ll be honest, nothing. If you care about your children, you are doing the same thing as I am. You are doing your best. I am too.

Here is what I talk about always. So much so that my kids are tired of hearing me say it. I bark at them! I ask them to give me their response. They tell me “I know dad!” However, it still resonates with them as it does with me. None of us are allowed to forget it. When I least expect it, they share it with me too!

“When you have more than you need, don’t build a bigger fence. Build a bigger table.”

I’m proud to say that when my boys see another person in need, they first think we need a bigger table.  I hope you do too.