Never question my femininity.

'Never question my femininity. I never wanted to have to carry myself like I was a man. The world just began to demand it.'

The line between being lady-like, womanly, girlish and a man in a woman's body blur many a times.

It all started with her choice of wanting to play with the boys when she was 4 or 5 years of age. She was a part of the boy clique, a natural inclusion in all their games - gilly-danda (a traditional game in India with a short wooden stick is hit by another long wooden stick), seven tiles, marbles, cricket, football and even experimented with the satta matka(a game of lottery in Mumbai in the 70's). Her boy-friends were her best buddies. She could be the boy with them as comfortably as wearing the frilliest dresses and being all girlie and caring; they never judged.

It all changed when she started her first job. Her boss, a widow who had taken over own father's business, struggled to be a 'man' in a man's world. She discovered by experience to get things done as a woman, you've got to stop being too much of a woman. That was her point of view.

If you're too feminine (translate that to showing your curves) or show compassion to your colleagues or subordinates, you're accused of using your femininity to further your move up the ladder or are fake.

Or you are simply taken advantage of, as she saw it with the subordinate who used the 'please help me' look and slyly took away the credit of her own work. Or her 'requests' to her inter-department colleagues to 'please help in making it happen' seemed to be ignored and the work of the more bossier male colleague took priority.

She suffered the same way in her relationships. Till, one day, she decided to get assertive (read, manly). She decided to develop a more harder approach and say things the way they were. Less compassion and more of 'get it done!'.

Things did change. The very people who rode roughshod over her due to her kindness, patience, acceptance, caring and nurturing saw a new avatar. She didn't couch her words. She became outspoken. She became professional. She became detached to emotions. She didn't accept the wrongs and whine and crib - she gave it back, there and then. Her subordinates feared her. Her colleagues were careful. In her relationships, she became the one wearing the pants - taking decisions, disagreeing with what didn't suit her and demanding what was her right.

Yes, when she shared her story, I understood what she meant now, when she said to me, "Never question my femininity. I never wanted to have to carry myself like I am a man. The world just began to demand it."

It's not my job as Victory Coach to judge. But I understood her, better.

As women or women known to you, you may have experienced the same. It's when you are trying hard to fit in but all people want is to have you change to suit them. And, not to find your own space. A space that may be discomfiting to most of around.

There are no rights and wrongs. There is no this way or that way. You choose what is true to you. The one that is you. Cast away the borrowed beliefs and stand up to reclaim what is yours.

Be yourself, whoever that person is. And, start from there.

Love and happiness to all for an amazing week ahead!