NLP Essentials: Rapport
I was speaking to a fellow coach on the importance of rapport and trust in a coaching conversation. Let me sum up the whole conversation in a simple manner: rapport in a conversation, is like oxygen in the air. If it is absent, the conversation is dead.
Look at all the different situations in life where rapport is essential:
You can add many more situations that are inter-personal individually or as a group, and the single most crucial element that can make for a conversation that is smooth and seamless, is rapport.
We have all been in conversations where rapport is missing. Rapport is the ability to engage with another person in a manner that we get a resonating response. Where the interaction seems to originate from one person, but soon melts into a dance like flow of communication where one leads the other.
Rapport is the removal of difference or dissonance in an interaction, in a relationship or in a conversation. I often find that rapport is reduced to small talk, and people often prepare for a conversation with a mindset that they will spend the first 5-10mins creating rapport and then going on with the conversation. Done that way, it can easily come across as fake and manufactured. But done with a genuine interest in the other person, and by keeping our own world aside as we focus on the other, and rapport can be a beautiful enabler.
A lot of emphasis is given to creating rapport, but we hardly hear about having rapport with oneself. It is an odd thing that we strive to create rapport with the person out there, but not with the person who we are, within.
In my view, the main element that people miss in rapport is to ground and center themselves into a space where they accept themselves, and then work outwards. In creating rapport with our own self, acceptance is, of what is present here and now. To illustrate this, think of someone who sits facing you and is constantly distracted by the phone or by what is happening in the surroundings. Would you feel connected with that person? Would you be able to hold your composure as notice them disengaged? Probably not! And if that is so for a conversation with another, imagine how you could create rapport with someone else, if your mind drifts and shifts in and out of the present moment.
How does one access rapport with oneself and another?
There are many techniques to build rapport in NLP, but this is the essence to start with. One interesting thing you will notice is, unconsciously, this is also what works when we are in the presence of animals. Next time, notice what happens when you visit someone's home and a pet comes over to assess you. That initial tug and pull that happens, is the attempt to build rapport and finding a way to connect.
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Focusing on building rapport with our own self is crucial in building rapport with others. If you begin with this, then the following things get addressed:
People will remember you for how you made them feel during the conversation. What you said, comes second. And if you want to leave a memorable impact on others, then try to start with rapport! There is nothing magical or mystical about developing rapport with another. It is a skill that can be practiced, learnt and acquired. Practice is the key, of course!
There are many other aspects to rapport - a whole day can be spent, and it can still be less, such is the exciting nature of this practice!
The next time you find yourself in any of the situations mentioned above, try this simple process, and notice what it does to your frame of mind in that situation, as well as to the quality of interaction with the other person(s).
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My name is Nikhil Damle. I am an internationally certified NLP Trainer, a corporate workshop facilitator and a business coach.
I am keen that you pick up skills in Neuro Linguistic Programming as these are essential in everyday living and excellence. When applied and put to practice, these skills cannot just help solve problems, but also help imagine and execute on our dreams and ambitions.
If investing in yourself, your own growth and creating fulfilment is important for you, then acquiring a full range of NLP skills, might be an option to consider. At Iridium Coaching and Learning , our courses are focused on delivering high quality NLP skills and depth of practice to each of our participants. There are open courses for individuals, and customised offerings for organisations.
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Web Designer for Coaches | Sharing what I've seen to work well online.
6moHumility and humour. Not that I've tried it but I know someone who wears a terrible suit and leaves his facial hair looking uneven, making him look unkept, helps him get over himself. Something like that ;) But yeah ... rapport. Nice reminder Nikhil. 🤠 🤓
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6moLoved it!
Founder Katalyst Marcom | Communications Specialist | ICF & Marshall Goldsmith Coach | International trainer of NLP | Certified Facilitative Trainer | Prosci Certified Change Management Practitioner
6moYou put words to my process Nikhil Damle
Web Designer for Coaches | Sharing what I've seen to work well online.
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6moVery Interesting!