NORMALISING MENTAL HEALTH IN ABNORMAL TIMES – TIPS FOR MANAGERS
You don’t have to be Nostradamus to know that now is not the best of times for splendid mental health. Which adds even more pressure to managers struggling to cope with this new environment, their own mental health, and the health of their reports
Sure, enquiring about the state of another’s feelings is never easy. That said, right now the planets have aligned so perfectly that no-one is going to think twice if you ask them how they are feeling. In fact, they’ll probably think you’re a hard-bastard if you don’t.
So, let’s take a look at some pointers that will have you talking mental health like a regular old Sigmund Freud – just minus the cigar, goatee and obsession with sex.
1. Commit to talking personally to all of your direct reports, and encourage them to do the same for theirs, once a week. Have them understand that these calls must not feel like some form of formal review. They are chats between two human beings as opposed to a boss and an underling.
2. Do not fear embarrassing yourself or the person you are talking to. You will not. Same goes for worrying about being too politically correct. If you approach this from a place of genuine care, you won’t go wrong.
3. Open the conversation something like this: “Hi Susie. I know things are pretty stressful at the moment, so I just thought I’d give you a bell and see how you’re doing? How are you handling it all?” By asking an open-ended question that cannot be answered with a simple Yes or No you are gently encouraging them to have a conversation which, to my mind, has three possible outcomes:
a) Susie replies that she is feeling remarkably well given everything that’s going on. That’s great news. Just to make sure she isn’t exaggerating and simply soldiering on, you ask her to score her mental health from one to ten. She gives you a high number so you ask her does she have any tips for others, then tell her you’ll check back on her next week. Susie thinks you are one of the world’s truly great bosses and an even better human being.
b) Susie replies that she is feeling remarkably well given everything that’s going on, but even though you may not know it, Susie is lying to you. That’s a natural reaction for many people when asked straight out. Just to make sure she isn’t exaggerating and simply soldiering on, you ask her to score her mental health from one to ten. She lies and gives you a number to your satisfaction and you tell Susie that that’s great news. You ask her does she have any tips for others then tell her you’ll check back on her next week.
Even though you may not know it, you have done Susie a massive service as you have opened a door for her. Susie now knows that you genuinely care about her and you have made it for easier for her to tell the truth next time you talk. She thinks you are one of the world’s truly great bosses and an even better human being.
c) Susie replies that she is feeling miserable and she is so relieved someone has asked. You encourage Susie to tell you all about it and you become the world’s biggest and best functioning set of ears. Even if Susie tells you things that are patently untrue (i.e. everybody hates me) do not challenge Susie as it will actually make her feel worse. You simply say, “Susie, it must be terrible to be feeling this way you poor thing.” I promise you that Susie will never forget those words for as long as she lives.
After Susie has talked herself to a standstill, don’t start trying to solve her problem as you can’t - unless of course, you are a GP, psychiatrist or clinical psychologist. Just suggest to Susie that perhaps she should consider seeking some help from an expert such as this or possibly even your company’s Employee Assistance Program. You might even offer to help organise this help, but if Susie doesn’t want help, don’t force it. Just tell her you’ll check in with her again to see how she is next week and tell her you are there if she needs you.
That’s it, folks. Once you have spoken to one Susie with a problem, the next Susie or Sam will seem so much easier. Overcoming a little embarrassment is a hell of a lot easier than living with the thought that one of your colleagues has taken their life.
Leadership, Coaching and Motherhood. Supporting leaders to combine their work and life in a more successful and sustainable way. Accredited Master Level Executive Coach
4yGreat insights for any managers that are unfamiliar or uncomfortable having these discussions. Thanks for sharing
Helping senior managers to have clarity and greater confidence at work and home with ease and reward using a 121 virtual coaching program
4yGreat illustrative scenarios David.
Chartered Occupational & Coaching Psychologist, Executive Coach & Wellbeing Expert | Enabling sustainable high performance for organisations, leaders and their people
4yGee, you’re good David!
🌟 HR Professional seeking Opportunities in Human Resources, and Organizational Improvement 🌟
4yDon't expect non enlightened people to understand important stuff. Our issue has been that we beleive every single one is on the same spectrum of enlightenment. They are not. But even if they are not, by being kind and trying to understand others different then you can still allow a more peaceful life experience. When you engage with people make sure they have the tendency to atleast want to understand. Are open to a dialogue to go deeper. Expect to find these people in normal public, workplaces, community, friends groups, and family, Not only in a therapy clinic. But if you find no one and must go to a therapist, atleast make sure you are not getting the same rigid people there. It's possible some would be. No degree or program totally changes person to become something they are not. Otherwise everyone coming out of the same program would have same personality traits. :) they don't. But thinking deep, being sensitive, having existencial queries, regretting, guilt, confusion, doubt, fear, anxiety, worry are normal part of hukan existence. Because we associate fear to them and become too scared, it starts bullying us, almost i feeling scared of being born as I am. It's not something to feel scared of. It's something to honor and embrace and respect. And then go about with that in mind. Everytime a thought asks you to look down at that fact, to push it away and instead tell yourself, its my power. Its there to make me unique from others. It's for a reason. We are here for a beautiful reason. Not a horrible one:)