Number One. Only One.

I have spent quite a few years working with both individuals and couples concerning relationship issues. It seems more and more lately, that many are settling. I recall years ago while running an employee assistance program {EAP}, that several of the higher ups {managers}, were married, in addition to having a side chick. I called them out on it, and the response that I got was, "My wife knows she is my number one." Number one?

Working with clients, couples and doing group work, I often ask, "How many of you are in a committed relationship?" You would think all hands would be raised. But alas, no. It is surprising how many couples never had this talk, and worked off of presumed assumption. There have been countless women {and men} who show up in my office, wanting to know why their relationship failed. Or why their spouse cheated on them. And I always lead with, did you have a conversation about being exclusive? And surprisingly, the answer was no. 

There are many people who date, and are not interested in a relationship. Living in this Netflix and chill generation, this has commonly become the new norm for many. And there is nothing wrong that. The problem that many get into, is that they either outright lie about their intentions, or they never discussed exclusivity. Many years ago I was seeing a lot of lying, or lying by omission- when you lie by simply not disclosing the whole truth. Now however, the conversation rarely takes place. Thus, someone is acting on assumption. 

Number one. Only one. Back when I was running that employee assistance program, one of the managers asked me why I post something to my wife, almost everyday on my FaceBook wall. He wanted to know if I was trying to show everyone that she is my number one. I laughed and said "No. I am trying to show her that she is my only one." And I cannot stress this enough. There is nothing wrong with letting your freak flag fly. Go ahead and play the field. But, if you're in a relationship and think you're the only one, please have this conversation, if you have not already. Because it's a bad feeling to be committed to someone, who does not know that you're committed to them.