Old Monk at the Wedding

September 2008, Hyderabad

From: rahul.reddy@zmail.com

To: MKT BATCH 2008-10; HR BATCH 2008-10

Subject: My sister’s Wedding Invitation

Dear All,

It gives me immense pleasure to invite all of you to my sister’s wedding on Sunday 11th May, 2008 for showering your blessings.

I would be delighted to have all of you gracing the occasion with your presence.

Please find the other details below:

Mahuraat: 10-45 am

Lunch: 1 pm

Reception: 6 pm

Venue:

Taj Deccan,

Hyderabad Road No. 1,

Banjara Hills

Hyderabad - 500 034

Please note that your presence would be valued, so please do not carry gifts for the bride and the groom

Regards,

Rahul Reddy

Rahul Reddy was the Class Coordinator of the HR Batch. Being the CC of his class, he was in constant touch with me and thus, our gang. A day before Rahul Reddy’s sister’s wedding, we were all sitting together in my room and discussing whether to go to this wedding or not, balancing the pros and cons. None of us knew why we were discussing this topic, since in the end; all of us would unanimously agree to go. We were probably seriously abiding by the group's norms that every single activity that we were supposed to do together would invite a discussion. But we didn’t realize that we had already spent more than one hour.

Toshi had a fair point, “Guys, let us decide on this quickly. I have downloaded a couple of movies that I plan to watch tonight. If we are going, then I will cut short my movie-watching spree. But if we are not, then I need to revisit my movie folder and find out what is missing from my collection. And we all know how long that can take” and he winked. We all knew that it takes hours to figure out a movie that could be added to his collection. He had an external hard disc with 1 TB of memory full of movies, spread across genres. People from the hostel lined up outside his room on Saturday evenings with their pen drives. He would call them one by one, ask them about their mood that evening, and then ask for the pen drive to transfer the movies. He didn’t have any charges per se for this service, but anything in kind was acceptable. Usually out of gratitude, his so-called happy and returning customers paid him by passing on their assignments for copying. Sometimes, if the customer was really overwhelmed after watching the movie that Toshi had suggested, it would be a packet of Gudamgaram cigarettes or a bottle of Old Monk rum!

By adding this condition, Toshi surely added a bit of urgency for some closure. “Come on yaar, let us go. It would also help us to know the telegu culture better, not to forget that we have to spend a minimum of 2 years in the city and the state. So I am toh going, anyone joining me, please wake me up by 9 am!” saying this, Suraj got up and ended the discussion from his end by leaving the room. It was time for him to call up Meenakshi, his wife. It was time for Saril to add his comments, “Guys, free lunch, plus no investment for any gifts, and biggest plus, a chance to check some pretty faces from the city. The wedding is in a Taj Hotel property, it has to be big, and we are definitely going. Zaffer even if you are not coming to the wedding tomorrow, you can join me right now while I go around the hostel to confirm if someone else is planning to go as well. Then we need to plan how we will be reaching the place as well”.

I was not sure whether that confirmed from my end, whether I was going or not. Gopal was sleeping, as usual, so it was fair to assume that he wouldn’t go to the wedding since it would hamper his sleep. I had no intention to miss out on a fun trip, so I too made up my mind to join them.

Saril came back with accurate numbers, by then Suraj was already on a call speaking with Meenakshi and Toshi was busy understanding the moods of his customers and collecting assignments for copying and keeping them ready by Monday. We all met for one final time and decided to leave by 9:30 the next morning. We had passed on the message to everyone to be on time. Everyone in the hostel by now knew how much important it becomes to be punctual if you are traveling with Suraj. So it was clear, we would be starting at 9:30 am, with the people available then.

As I was about to open my laptop to check my emails for any new assignments for the weekend, my phone rang and it was Sadia.

“Jaanu, guess what, I bought 3 dresses in the evening! I am so excited. Acha chalo, jaldi jaldi tell me which one should I give for stitching first - green and maroon, blue and silver, or black and orange?”

I always used to be clueless while answering these questions. You don’t have any data whatsoever on how these dresses actually look, so you are expected to just randomly pick one amongst the alternatives. Above that, she would have always chosen the one which she would like to give for stitching first, and if your answer didn’t match with hers then it would be time for doing some damage control for at least an hour – usual ways include reminding her of any sweet memories, or talking about our future married life or if none of these work, promising to wake her up in a very romantic and a never tried before way. So it was like shooting in the dark for me.

“Jaanu what happened, what is taking you so long? Didn’t like any of these colors?” Now before things go out of control, I had to answer.

“Sadia, which one do you think would look the best on you?” Sometimes passing the ball in her court works, sometimes it doesn’t.

“Jaanu, you know me na. You still remember how I used to look, right? It has not even been 6 months since you have gone to Hyderabad, and looks like you have forgotten which color will suit me the most.”

Thanks to being put in such situations more often than not, I had built a knack for coming up with these lines.

“Green shows progress, that can’t leave you marooned,

Even if the blue sky is dark, there is a silver line of hope,

I don’t know about black, but for me, orange is the color of happiness”

And then, you can start with prayers in those few seconds of pause before she speaks.

“Muaah darling! You are the best. I had also thought of the same dress. Don’t our thoughts really match? I am so glad that you suggested black and orange. I knew you would suggest this since black is my favorite color and orange is yours. I was so excited to find a dress with both these colors. Waise, I wanted to tell you one more thing. Tomorrow I will be having a few guests, and that would include a guy who is the son of my dad’s family friend. So, he would be here to see me.”

She always used to give such tensed updates after joyful moments. “Sadia, aren’t you worried? Aren’t you nervous?”

”Of course Sameer, I am worried. But why should I unnecessarily keep thinking about these things, when we know that, come what may, we would be getting married? See, our choices also match so much. I am so looking forward to giving it off for stitching. I just hope the tailor stitches it well and I can wear it when you come here for the Diwali holidays”

I knew she was just trying to divert the topic. “Sadia begum, Diwali holidays have still a lot of months to pass by, so we don’t have to prepare ourselves from now. Tell me, what is your plan for tomorrow?”

“Arre waah Sameer Miyaan, you toh are preparing yourself for the meeting with my parents, using typical Urdu Muslim words like begum and all. And the plan is clear from my end. My cousin just gave me the inside information that the guy is shorter than me. So my parents are anyways going to reject him”

I had a sigh of relief, but didn’t admit it, “Still, this time it is evaded, how about next time? And by next year you would complete your MBA and I would still have one more year to complete mine. How do we deal with such visits?”

“Acha yeh sab choddo, tell me…….., you had mentioned one of your classmates’ sister’s wedding tomorrow. Did THE GANG meet to discuss this? Are you guys going on or? Sameer please promise. If you are going, you are wearing the yellow kurta that I had gifted.”

She was so good at changing topics. “haan Sadia, we will be going and I am planning to wear the same kurta that you want me to wear”

I don’t know what makes girls go bonkers for discussions on clothes. “Take some pics and email them to me, dying to see you for many weeks. Zarra main bhi toh dekhun, how much you have changed” and she had that naughty teasing laughter.

The conversation went on in the same tone, juggling topics and finally, when her younger brother came into the room to sleep, she hung up. The rest of the conversation went on through text messages. So the excitement and anxiety for the next morning increased as I went to bed that night.

The next morning, the thing that I feared for had to happen. It was just me, Suraj, Toshi, and Saril ready to leave by the communicated time and there were no signs of others. As the communication had gone, four of us left to attend Rahul Reddy’s sister’s wedding. All four of us had never attended a Telegu wedding, so we were looking forward to it. We reached the venue, and confirmed at the gate, which had a floral display of the names of the bride and the groom, that we were at the right wedding. But we couldn’t find Rahul. So we called him and in a desperate voice, he asked us to meet him at a place behind the venue. We reached the place at the earliest and found Rahul in tears, sitting in a corner.

Toshi was the first to approach him, “Rahul, dude, what is wrong? It is your sister’s wedding! Why are you crying?” and we all tried to make him get up.

“Tell me, guys, can I count on you as friends or not? I think I can since you are the only one here from the college” Probably a question that Suraj would have been able to answer, as it was a matter of trust and respect. “Haan Rahul, hum hain na. Tell us whats wrong? I have handled a lot of dowry cases in my villages, tell us what the groom’s family wants, and we will handle the matter without involving the police”

Annoyingly Rahul answered, “It is not about my sister’s wedding or the dowry. Dad has already given them whatever they had demanded. It is about Anusha. I loved her so much and she ditched me. She has come to the wedding with another guy and our common relatives are talking about them as the next couple to get married. How can she do something like this to me? I too have the same car that this guy has, my dad too has all the connections that his dad might have. Then why?”

With every word, we could see his anger increasing. Clueless on what to comment, we started consoling him in our ways. It was me this time, “Rahul man look at you. Just forget about her. She is just not worth it. With all your political and business connections, you could have better girls than her” Saying this, I just went back and tried to remember Anusha Rao. She was introduced by Rahul a few weeks back and all of us were awestruck with everything related to her. Her telegu heroin-like looks, the Toyota Camry in which she had come to meet us, the outfit that she was wearing which was really revealing, and last but not the least, her elegance and beauty. I was thinking of taking my comment “getting a better girl” back. I also wished I could tell him – You loser, no way you are getting such a bombshell again! But I knew it wouldn’t have been appropriate to say at that moment.

Meanwhile, he got a call and started conversing in telegu, none of us had any idea what was getting discussed and with whom was he talking. Was he speaking to her, was he speaking with the guy who had come with Anusha, or was he talking to some goons using his connections and influence? In those five minutes of heated conversation, we could only pick two things - Old Monk Rum and Wedding Car.

“Old monk for everyone! You are right Sameer, she is not worth it. I will get better chicks. Let her go to hell with that guy.” And suddenly the other three started looking at me with mixed expressions. Suraj had a look of sympathy – not sure whether it was for me or Rahul, Saril had a shocked look – more like saying Dude what did you just do, your advice made him want alcohol, and Toshi, as expected, had an appreciative look which said – Sameer you rock, apart from free food and the chicks to look around, you just got us free booze too!

“Place was a problem – I thought this wouldn’t be a good place to celebrate. So, I have arranged for the car in which my sister would be leaving the venue for her in-law’s place. The car must be here in two minutes”

Toshi applied his hotel management skills with his next suggestion, “Rahul, Old Monk without anything to eat, doesn’t fit. Let me walk up to the caterers and I will arrange for some munchies” And he returned with a plate full of papads and fried nuts. The car came to the place where we were sitting. It was decorated with all possible colors of flowers. The driver parked the car in front of Rahul following his nonverbal instructions and left the place. Didn’t expect this a few moments back, but the party was on!

All of us got into the decorated car and picked up a glass each as Toshi made a drink for everyone. Half an hour passed and we were at least 4-5 drinks down individually. Off and on Rahul spoke about Anusha, and we all used to start thinking about her. We all had moments to cherish with glimpses of Anusha in our memories individually. I went into my moment, the part of the meeting where Rahul introduced me as the Class Coordinator of the esteemed Marketing Batch. He had described me as the guy whose advice everyone on the campus sought. She had noted down my phone number and assured me that she would contact me in case of any advice. I felt privileged that out of the group, it was just me who shared my number with her. But at this point, it didn’t matter, since the person who had introduced her to us won’t be getting calls from her anymore. But my thoughts drifted away from Rahul and more towards Anusha. What if she won’t be calling Rahul anymore, she can still call me, technically!

At that very moment, Rahul’s phone rang and to everyone’s astonishment, it was Anusha. Rahul wasn’t in his full senses, but he could make out that Anusha was calling. “That bitch is calling, what does she want from me now? Bitch………………………..” And it followed a few more swears. Saril, the most sane person, since he had just one drink, suggested, “Guys, we shouldn’t allow him to take her call. He won’t stop swearing at her and she would come to know that he is drinking because of her. That would be bad”

Rahul was so drunk by now, that he didn’t even realize that we took his phone from his pocket, put it on silent mode, and kept it on the dashboard of the car. But the calls from Anusha didn’t stop. Finally, after letting go 6-8 calls unanswered, I picked up the call and put it on speaker mode.

“Rahul, where are you? Everyone is worried. It is your sister’s bidaayi and she wants to meet you. No one could find you so they thought I must know it. That was why I was calling. See Rahul, I can explain everything; let us park the discussion for some other day. Please come here ASAP, and by the way, even the car in which your sister is supposed to leave is missing. Rahul………..answer me, where the hell are you?”

The only way we could react to this was to disconnect the call. Saril peeped out of the car, spotted the driver, who was standing outside the gate, and called him. We immediately vacated the car, lifted Rahul out of the car, and put him on the bench where he was sitting initially. The driver took off and we followed him on foot. The hall wasn’t far from that place and we reached the place where the photographer was taking take-2 of bidaayi. We took up a corner and watched the photographer giving instructions to the bride and her family to cover the event better on camera.

None of them could find Rahul, but at least the car was here, so they went on with the bidaayi. The bride was continuously crying, looked genuine sometimes, but mostly looked artificial, and was hugging each and every member of her maternal family. The show reached the parents of the bride and the crying increased and looked more unreal. I don’t know whether this actually happened or I was seeing this myself with my drunken mind, but the cameraman even asked the bride to give a pose while she was hugging her dad. The whole scene was hilarious and the thing that happened after this was the funniest incident I have witnessed.

When the cameraman had satisfied himself with enough footage of the biddayi, the bride and the groom moved towards the car which was meant to take them out of the venue, the same car in which we had Old Monk Rum a few moments back. The groom opened the door and found a few empty bottles of Rum kept on the back seat. On the other side, just out of her crying, the bride opened another door and found a half-filled plate of munchies. All four of us started looking at either the sky or the ground and avoiding reacting whereas half of the crowd was agitated and the other half was in fits of laughter. The poor driver had to bear the fruits of his loyalty; he didn’t name Rahul or any of us. He was asked to detail out the story of how the car went missing in the first place, but he acted dumb and loyal towards Rahul and us too.

In the end, he was the one who put the bottles and the plate of munchies away and the bride and the groom went off in their wedding car, a wedding no one would forget, a wedding we never forgot, a wedding which Rahul mostly missed.

We had to narrate the story to Anusha since she knew it was us who had picked up her call and got the car back. She had her reasons to dump Rahul, but she was amazed by the way the whole wedding turned up. She wanted a photo with all of us for the sake of her memories. We were more than glad to pose with her. Suraj wasn’t interested much in appearing in a photo with Anusha, so he was the one who clicked it. Apart from the mishaps at the wedding, this was one encouraging thing that had happened, a chance to pose with Anusha, the same girl who had left us jaw dropped.

The rest of the day went on narrating this story to the others in the hostel and making them realize what they missed. This of course included the fact that we had a chance to pose with Rahul’s hot ex-girlfriend Anusha. There were a few regretful faces around, they missed the free food, they missed the free booze, and above everything, they missed appearing in that photo with Anusha. I felt their wounds got some salt rubbed when later in the evening Anusha shared that photo on Facebook and tagged us. We felt bad for Rahul since that photo got close to 600 likes within 5 minutes.

But with this newfound fame, I had another battle to face. Sadia texted

‘Sweetheart who is this Anusha Rao and how come she has tagged you on one of her pics from the wedding today? I checked her profile, she doesn’t look like she is from your college, then how come you became so close that she tagged you on her pic’

Thank god that wasn’t a pic with just the two of us, I didn’t have the time that day to narrate the whole epic of the wedding to Sadia, so I told her,

‘She is Rahul’s friend and will tell you about the wedding tomorrow’.

Instantly there comes her response

‘Rahul’s friend and Rahul is missing in that pic? I saw the comment on this pic by the same girl thanking Suraj for taking this pic, so Rahul wouldn’t have taken this pic. Where was Rahul when this pic was taken?’

She has a keen eye when it comes to reviewing my Facebook activities, doesn’t she? I just assured her,

‘I will tell you the whole story tomorrow; I am really tired and will be sleeping now’.

And there she goes with the mussy romantic message,

‘Oh my huggy bear, I am so sorry. I was curious about her just because the pic has come nice and had never heard about her in the past. You look so nice in that kurta, Sameer. Hope I was also present for this wedding. Love you, sweetheart, love you a lot’

I replied,

‘After listening to the events that happened at the wedding, you wouldn’t wish that even I was present for the wedding. Wait till tomorrow, till you hear about it, will call you tomorrow sweets, GNSD, Love you too <3!’

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