Optimism Is a Muscle

What is this pandemic doing for you, not to you? 

My dad recently asked me this when I felt overwhelmed navigating the kids’ last week of summer amidst a series of urgent deadlines. I made a list of things I was grateful for, like new family memories and our team launching our first fragrance virtually, which encouraged me to stay positive. The practice helps me find silver linings, even during stressful times. 

My friends often ask me how I’ve stayed hopeful in 2020. It’s taken a lot of practice, though the effort beats the alternative. I’m no neuroscientist but I’ve learned that choosing to be optimistic, especially in the face of adversity, changes your behavior and spreads to those around you. I approach it as a muscle we can strengthen daily.  

We all experience a stream of negative thoughts. The more we can be aware of them the faster we can stop them in their tracks. I ring the alarm when a negative thought creeps in and reinforce the opposite. When I’m feeling imposter syndrome and asking: Is someone more equipped to make this decision?  I replace the thought with: I know my company better than anyone. There is always room to learn, still saying - What do I know? - never helps. 

The more attention you give a thought the stronger it becomes. It’s like doing bicep curls. Which arm do you want to be stronger: the positive one or the negative one? I choose positive every time. 

Our exercise rewiring our thought patterns isn’t a one and done job. It’s a constant activity. The stronger my muscle has become, the less likely I am to sink into negativity. It doesn’t mean I don’t have tough days. I just strive to focus on the good over the bad. 

A grounded perspective doesn’t make you immune to problems. We all encounter adversity. The question is: How are you going to be optimistic in the face of it? 

Strength can be misperceived as just putting a smile on your face. Has that ever worked for you? Me neither. In reality, it’s the courage to confront and inspect our fears. I believe there’s a solution to every problem and reframe hurdles like my dad. I knew in March that I had two options: I could keep crying that we lost 70% of our business overnight or I could see how 2020 accelerated our direct to consumer plans. Rather than mull over the past, I think about all the ways this year has pushed us out of our comfort zone and into new activations. I celebrate every win, whether it’s a successful email campaign or handbag launch. They add to the positivity tank and fuel you to keep going. 

Acceptance is a parallel choice; Learning to let go and accept that the outcome that we want doesn’t always happen. It’s easy to hold on to a singular plan despite there being multiple paths to get where we need to go. I’ve learned to move on and trust there will be more opportunities. Look at how many unexpected turns we’ve taken this year. We’re still standing, albeit in sandals...At what point should we just throw out our heels? 

People are intrinsically linked with our outlook, even when it seems like an internal job. Nothing sucks the good vibes out of a room like an energy vampire. For me, it comes down to honing my ability to read people, taking stock of how they make me feel, and whether their actions match their words. I take cues when people consistently bring me down that we aren’t the right match. This is particularly important when navigating challenges. Someone who says - You’re never going to make it out of this! - isn’t helping you overcome it. It’s important to seek help from people who have a genuine desire for us to succeed. Life is so much better when we surround ourselves with thoughtful people. 

It’s equally necessary to think about how we influence others. The question I care about most is: How does someone feel after they spend time with me? It’s up to us to decide how our attitude impacts our families, friends, and teams. I always aspire to leave people a little lighter than I found them. 

Today, optimism sadly feels like a double-edged sword where we’re judged for sharing both our challenges and our progress. We all have a unique spectrum of emotions and difficulties. Let’s stop shaming people for being positive or feeling things that are real to them. We should be encouraging each other’s happiness, not tearing each other down. Hope is essential, especially right now. 

Here’s a challenge for the rest of the year: Let’s make optimism contagious and lift each other up. 

I’m in! Are you? 

What are your best tips for cultivating an optimistic mindset? Let me know in the comments!