People treat you how you treat yourself

Is it your aura or is it the chameleon effect?

Close your eyes and imagine who you admire. Who do you want to be more like? Now compare your behavior to that person’s. What is the delta? Probably bigger than you’d hoped.

Let’s look from another perspective.

Have you ever walked into a room where the energy follows someone dynamic? All eyes are on them. Everything they say is magical. Or the opposite — someone negative joins a conversation, and the energy of the room shifts. Or when you catch a parent arguing with their kid about the kid’s behavior — completely oblivious to the fact that the child has picked up the parent’s mannerisms.

This piece will convince you to fake-it-til-you-make-it because people will treat you how you treat yourself. And the ROI on presenting yourself with confidence and self-respect compounds year over year. It compounds into a reputation that either encourages people to respect you or causes them to look past you. People see in you what you see in yourself.

That’s a phenomenon referred to as the chameleon effect. It is a psychological phenomenon where people unconsciously mimic the expressions, postures, and even mannerisms of others around them.

So when you respect yourself and engage confidently in a discussion, you will earn respect. The inverse is also true. When you mumble your way out of a conversation, look unsure, or show that you feel intimidated, the recipient knows as much.

How to fake-it-til-you-make-it: If you aren’t ready to step into your own ideal persona, here are some hacks to work as stepping stones.

Here is how to use the chameleon effect to your advantage when you don’t love how you are received. Next time you are talking to someone:

• Subtly mirror someone’s behavior in conversations to make them feel like you are on the same page. Mirror their body language, facial expressions, tone, volume of voice, and even cross your arms.
• Match their energy. If they are enthusiastic, be that. If they are chill, be that.
• Match their vocabulary. Integrate things they say into how you speak.

Match their communication style. Do they go into stories? Are they to the point?

All of these hacks will make the person on the other side more comfortable, which will affect how you are perceived.

Above all — when you can prepare, prepare. Prepare what you want to say, the point you want to get across, imagine the person you admire most saying it, then stand in front of a mirror and say it yourself.

Why you are insecure

If you doubt yourself, it’s either because you don’t trust your skills or you haven’t been given clear guidance. I loved the simplicity of the matrix below by Eddie Obeng

If you lack confidence, you lack self-belief. But sometimes, your inability to accomplish the skill may be rooted in the person you expect to lead you. Other times, it’s your own self-doubt. But while you consider the root, use the chameleon effect to your advantage.

Remember, fear is a reaction, bravery is a decision.

👋 Hey, I'm Layla. Join me in my weekly newsletter, where I provide insights into enhancing leadership skills and increasing productivity. If you haven't subscribed yet, here's a recap of a few posts you may enjoy:

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