#PositiveVibes - An Art To Losing

By John R. Nocero & Sandy Abell

John: Post-season baseball is magic. Stadiums are dressed up in magical bunting. The moments are bigger. The stages brighter. The margin for error even smaller – where heroes are remembered forever as are the goats.

But that doesn’t mean the goats didn’t do their best. Bill Buckner. Donnie Moore. Byung Hung Kim. We remember their names because they failed on the largest stage, but that doesn’t mean they didn’t try.

In her “Baseball Feelings I’m Having” blog that I read this week, Stacey May Fowles recounts the “scene in the 2005 movie Fever Pitch where Boston Red Sox fanatic Ben Wrightman and his friends lament their floundering Red Sox over drinks, only to spot a few of them casually eating dinner a few seats over in the same establishment. The Sox in question seem unruffled by their supposedly devastating failures, simply enjoying meal as colleagues rather than weeping mournfully into their pint glasses."

“We’re sitting here dining on our guts over the Red Sox, and there! Three members of the Red Sox are eating! With gusto!”

“Why shouldn’t they eat? They played hard. They did their best. Move on.”

Even the average player is deeply invested in their performance. But as our the fans. In October, I live and die on every pitch, wishing that the baseball gods will grant me one win - JUST ONE!! - until next game.

But there is also, by necessity, an art to being and feeling defeated. Given how many times professional athletes lose, they likely become very good at measuring their worth by different metrics than hardware.We do it as professionals too. How many projects did you get done? How much money did you save the company? Dollar signs. %’s. Numbers. Metrics. What gets measured gets managed. But the day to day is far less dramatic. Answer the e-mail. Get a couple things done that are minor but add up to great things. Go to the meeting. Play hard. Do your best. Your day to day life is not as big as the October playoff stage, but you have every right to be present for celebrating small victories, such as a walk-off hit in April, which adds up to victories during the season.

I was telling someone yesterday, “I just want to be remembered as a good dude.” I don’t know about you, but I want to worry less about winning some big end future prize, and care more about what is happening right now—this pitch, this play, this moment, this day. Like Fowles and as she write, “I want to get better at understanding when it is my time and when it is not, and learn to enjoy both in equal measure. I want to master that art of losing, because it seems to me it’s a whole lot harder than getting soaked in champagne after a moving speech about how very, very good you are.”

Sandy: I agree John. As the saying goes, it’s not so much about win or lose, it’s how you play the game.

I believe if you play with honesty, sincerity, focus and commitment, you will win, even if the outcome isn’t always what you hoped for. Winning isn’t just about getting the end result you want. It’s also about the way you feel about yourself. Can you look in the mirror and say, “Good job! You gave it your all?” Even if you didn’t win the game?

If you can do that then you’re always a winner.

The Red Sox players eating dinner understood that. They win some, lose some, and understand that’s the nature of the game. They also understand that regardless of the outcome, they need to focus on moving ahead and making the next moment, and the one after that, and all that follow, the best it can be.

The lesson is to learn from mistakes or whatever went wrong, so you can avoid making those mistakes in the future. Then let go of the “what ifs”, look ahead, be optimistic, and do what you can to move forward.

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