Is the Pursuit of Being Likable Costing You A Promotion?

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Being likable at work matters. 

However, being the right kind of ‘likable’ matters more.

The data is clear: likability matters in the workplace. Harvard Business Review found that likable leaders were 27 times more likely to lead successful teams. According to the Wall Street Journal, 89% of hiring managers would pass on technically strong candidates if they lacked social skills.

But here's where it gets interesting.

When tracking actual promotions, technical expertise and measurable results accounted for 75% of advancement decisions. And when it comes to leadership effectiveness, competence was rated twice as important as likability.

Last year, I encountered something that made me question everything we're told about workplace success.

A client of mine received some peculiar feedback: she was "too professional."

Let that sink in for a moment.

When I shared my client's story recently, someone suggested that perhaps the real issue was that she didn't go out of her way to be "personable" with colleagues. They felt she was distant, unrelatable.

She delivered projects on time, generated innovative ideas, and demonstrated excellence that caught leadership's attention—and somehow, this became a problem.

Why? Because her standard of excellence created new expectations for her colleagues. Because she prioritized results over water cooler conversations. 

Because she focused on impact rather than impression. 

(My line name was Impressionist, so I know a thing or two about “impressions.”)

The Case for Likability

Let me be clear: There's absolutely nothing wrong with being likable. 

Forbes research shows that 98% of people said they would work harder for a leader they liked. I would never work for anyone I don’t “like” ever again. But I did’nt like them because they could be my friend. I liked them because they were present, collaborative, and someone that I could count on. 

But here's where it turns into a CLM (Career Limiting Move). When asked what made them respect a leader most, professionals ranked "consistent delivery of results" three times higher than "being likable." This reveals a critical disconnect between what we think drives success and what actually does.

In an effort to be "likable" and avoid negative labels (especially as women in leadership), many of us fall into self-sabotaging patterns: → Apologizing for having an opinion

→ Softening or using hedging language 

→ Avoiding direct advocacy for fear of seeming "pushy"

→ Tolerating unacceptable behavior to maintain harmony

The Pursuit of Being Liked Comes with a Cost

As an Exec coach for women leaders, I've seen how the pressure to be universally liked creates a particular burden. 

We're often walking a tightrope between being assertive enough to lead effectively and "nice" enough to avoid negative stereotypes.

The result? DILUTE. DIMINISH. DELAY.

Here's how:

→ We dilute our impact when we soften critical feedback to be "nice," leading to unclear expectations and mediocre results

→ We diminish our presence when we preface every suggestion with "I might be wrong, but..." even when we're the subject matter expert

→ We delay our advancement when we take on extra work to be seen as a "team player" instead of delegating appropriately and focusing on strategic priorities

Research shows that women who consistently prioritize being liked over being respected often find themselves stuck in support roles rather than leadership positions. They become the go-to person for execution but are passed over for strategic opportunities.

Here's what we should be striving for instead: being someone who consistently delivers results, inspires confidence, and moves initiatives forward. Someone who others seek out not because you're the most likable, but because you're the most capable of getting things done effectively. 

The goal isn't to be difficult to work with. Rather, it's to be known as someone who brings clarity, competence, and reliability to every interaction. When you shift your focus from being liked to being respected for your contributions, something powerful happens: you become someone others want to work with because of the value you bring, not just because of how agreeable you are. Lets explore how. 

5 Ways to Build Professional Impact While Maintaining Strong Relationships

Be Reliably Excellence-Focused

→ Deliver what you promise, when you promise it 

→ Set high standards and maintain them 

→ Let your work speak louder than your small talk

Example: After a project meeting, focus on delivering the promised follow-up document rather than lingering for casual conversation. Excellence is the best relationship builder.

Listen to Understand, Not to Respond

→ Mirror back what others say in your own words

→ Show you're processing their input

→ Focus on calibration, not just conversation

Example: When a colleague shares a project challenge, respond with: "If I understand correctly, your concern is [mirror their point]. Would you walk me through your thinking so I can better understand?"

Share Strategically

→ Choose intentionally what personal information you share

→ You don't need to discuss your family life to be relatable

→ Find comfortable topics that build genuine connections (maybe it's your dog, maybe it's movies)

Example: When asked about your weekend, you might share about a professional development book you're reading or a local event you attended, rather than feeling pressured to share personal family details.

Remember the Details That Matter

→ Note key professional priorities of colleagues

→ Remember project preferences and work styles

→ You don't need to know their favorite Beyonce or Taylor Swift song

Example: Remember that your VP prefers data in spreadsheets over slides, or that your colleague works best with written instructions over verbal ones. These are the details that build professional rapport.

Balance Professional Distance with Personal Warmth

→ Maintain boundaries while being approachable

→ Focus on being respected rather than being liked

→ Build trust through consistency, not connectivity

Example: When declining a non-essential meeting, say "I need to focus on our quarterly deliverables, but I'm happy to review the key points via email" – showing both boundaries and willingness to engage constructively.

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Challenge? 

Identify one area where you might be over-indexing on likability at the expense of your effectiveness, track your language for a day.

Share your experience with me! DM me or comment below about a time when choosing impact over approval led to unexpected positive results.

If you found this newsletter helpful, please share it. 

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April Little

Executive Career Coach, Promotion, and Communication Strategist. I help high-achieving women leaders build executive-level influence to break through to Executive roles. 

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